A long long time ago, my momma left me.
She didn't want to leave- she had to. She always came back- except this time she didn't.
I wonder if I'll ever see her again.



*
A long long time ago, Momma told me about the spirits: about Pappa Flame and Momma Ocean and about their siblings Brother Air and Sister Earth. Momma said that Pappa Flame loved Momma Ocean so much, he made her a baby with clay from Sister Earth- and Brother Air breathed life into it, and Mother Ocean named it Man. Momma says they did that with a lot of clay, but the first one, the one called Man, was the person the Emperor is descended from.



*
Sometimes, when I look at the sky too long and I'm all surrounded by walls and I'm thinking of Momma: sometimes I feel really lost and really little, so I have to count my numbers for a really long time until I can breathe proper without needing a servant come and hug me to remind me I'm still here.



*
Pappa visits me once a week. He says he wants to visit me more, but being an Emperor is a really hard job, especially when he's looking for Momma for me. When he visits, he always brings something from the outside- a beautiful new fruit that's always so sweet, a piece of cloth with all the colors of sunset on it; sometimes even a flower from his gardens. Papa always listens to how my week was, and he always asks me what I've learned. Sometimes when I ask him what he's done, he laughs and tells me about a noble who brought him a deer and asked to marry me. Other times, Pappa gets real quiet and looks around the walls of the house: the walls that never change, since I can't leave it since Momma's not here; sometimes he looks around real quiet and real sad and doesn't say anything, just kisses me on the head and leaves.



*
A long long time ago, Momma told me that whatever we dream really does happen. She said she knew it was true because she once dreamed of having me and holding me when she was a little girl and I was a baby in her arms.



*
Once, before Momma left, I saw her kiss a man who wasn't Pappa, only she kissed him exactly like she did to Pappa. It was at night, and they were just below my window. The man left first, and when Momma came in, I pretended to be asleep, just like all the other times I had saw Momma kiss all those other men exactly like she kissed Pappa.



*
Once, when Momma was still here, we had to hide in the closet because the guards had to come in the house. The guards had to come in to get rid of the man who came with a sword and who was looking for Momma. I was glad were in the closet- last time we were in the kitchen and a man had a dagger, and it was real scary having to run away like that.



*
A long long time ago, Momma left in the middle of the night just like she always did to go kiss all those men just like she kissed Pappa. And a long long time ago, a man with a sword watched her leave and followed her. And a long long time ago, after the man with the sword followed her, Pappa visited our house with some guards. He told me to go back to sleep, but I saw some swords and some rope. He had a piece of paper, and I think he was going to get the man with the sword who followed Momma, only I don't know why he had to take Momma's servants and tie up their hands and take them to the tree where all the people with weapons who tried to hurt Momma ended up.



*
A long long time ago, Pappa said a bad man with a sword got Momma, and by the time Poppa and his guards with their swords and rope could get to her, the bad man had already hurt her.
I don't believe Pappa.


*
A long long time ago, the night Momma disappeared, I had a dream where the sun was rising and Momma and I were standing in the garden, and we were looking at the wall that covered the ocean, only the wall wasn't there anymore. And Momma smiled at me, and she hugged me, and right after she whispered, "I love you," she transformed into a beautiful white Phoenix and flew off toward the sun.



*
A long long time ago, I had a Momma. She had to leave, and she never came back.
A long long time ago, Momma loved Pappa with all her heart.
A long long time ago, Pappa wasn't sad all the time and visited once a day and laughed and smiled the whole time.
A long long time ago, I didn't have dreams of a man with a sword hurting Momma, or dreams of Momma being hung in a tree when she was badly hurt anyway.



*
A long long time ago, I didn't know how to cry.