The place and time was perfect. The warm yet cooling sand underfoot, between my toes I could feel every grain. The sky blue waves breaking on the shore, the ocean completely flat except for the few ridges that formed right as the water hit the earth. The aqua-marine sky, empty except for the pillows of white cotton that lazily floated by. The fiery-tangerine in the heavens, which spent it's time rising so high only to sink beyond my world once again, sat right above me warming my body and everything around me. It was so peaceful and quiet that I could practically hear the wind, it was talking to this place I called paradise. And it was so perfectly still that my mind raced trying to find movement, and for once I could feel the planet turn. My eyes closed lightly wanting to succumb to this moment, my body seemed to have vanished and I was simply another piece of sand resting here letting myself be swept around by the singing wind. I rocked, without having to do so consciously, perfectly matching the rhythm of breaking waves. Letting the wonderfully chilling, lusciously empty water crash around me. All I wanted to do was no longer be me but instead be part of this perfect little place I had discovered. I could feel my self slipping away and melting into the ground. I was no longer a lost girl with problems that needed solving, with thoughts that needed sorting, with questions that needed answers. No, I was now part of paradise; I was one with the earth. I no longer lived to die, I no longer owned to loose, I no longer loved to be hated, I no longer had or needed a beginning or end. I just simply was.

Slowly, my eyes creaked open. I swallowed in order to moisten my dry throat and I bent my head sideways to crack out the knot that had formed. The sun had sunk back to his hiding place, leaving me in the chilly night air. The shard of rock that hung lax, in the sky was more lucid than ever. This place was blacker than any night I had ever seen before. I read somewhere that darkness is not something, it is only the absence of something. Light. But at this moment it was more real and true than my own being. This darkness was heavy and it sat upon my shoulders and weighed me down the whole way back to my private prison. And even when I stepped into the light and was basked in the glow of the lamps that sat behind the glass doors of my home, the weight was not lifted. It still has not been lifted.
However, sometimes when I am alone and the world goes silent I am able to pull myself back to that wonderful day when I became a part of the earth. Because that day I never completely pulled myself out of the sand and part of me is still a part of that complete everything and that beautiful nothing with which I shared a perfect moment.