Ten-thirty at night. She’s got her country music playing on her laptop. After spending the last two hours of her life watching Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, she can’t help but wonder what it’s like to be in love. To find that guy with eyes she could melt into. To have the same guy be both her best friend and her boyfriend. To have someone to hold onto when everything else seems to be falling apart. Her rock. Her rock that would happily do math homework with her. Slowly, her eyes well up. Because even if one day, she magically meets the love of her life, there will be nobody to walk her down the aisle. The tears fall down her cheeks, but not before she wipes them off.

Her parents are divorced. Have been ever since she was a mere four years old. Actually, scratch that. Turns out, her parents were separated when she was four. They got divorced a couple of years later. She finds it strange how a small fact like that could turn her whole world and point of view upside down. Even before the separation/divorce, she never remembered her mother and father loving each other - not even the slightest bit. The only memories she has of her dad are that he never cut the grass until it was almost up to her knees - and that he would stay up late watching TV and eating junk food. The only positive thing she has to say about her father is that he let her use his laptop to go on the Internet. At the thought of this, she smiles. Because back then, she barely knew what the Internet was. The smile didn’t last long enough though, for her mind wandered to her friends’ parents. Happy. Married. One family. Sure, some of her friends had divorced parents. But, at least they still had two parents who cared for and loved them. One may say that she was lucky enough to have a dad.......... yeah, lucky enough to have a dad who didn’t give a care about her. No child support. Nothing. The tears started falling faster. It gets so bad that she has to shut her eyes with her hands. But, the tears just keep on falling. Put on a Taylor Swift song and her life in this very moment could have been the most depressing music video ever.

She thinks back to third grade. To those couple of days when she had to make a father’s day poem/gift. They were some of the darkest days of her childhood. She wonders whatever happened to that poem. Probably thrown away the day she was allowed to take it home. Then, her mind fast forward to June 2015. Graduation. It’ll probably be her mom and her older brothers in the stands. She wonders if she wants to wish for her father to be there. But then she realizes what the point is. Like he’ll actually care. They say a girl’s dad is her first love. But, since she never had a real father, she’ll never love. And that’s what scares her the most.