Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
If you asked me any other night, at 10 o’clock, if I wanted to go for a drive, a drive with no real plan, I would’ve said no. This was not just any night, though. Any night spent with the cousins was a special night, and on special nights people did special things.

This summer our location was Martha’s Vineyard, in a big gray house that looked a little like the “Gray House” we had stayed in over 5 years ago. With high ceilings and a perpetual sea salt smell, the house had quickly become a home.

The Yankees were on. I can’t remember the exact score, but I know they losing bad enough to make Grandma focus her attention on the rock and roll puzzle lay out in front of her. I was leaning back against the worn, floral couch, my long, freshly tan legs stretched out in front of me. The aunts were outside gossiping, like usual, and just the uncles, Grandma and us, the cousins, were lounging in the living room. I turned my spoon upside down before dropping the last blob of ice cream in my mouth, an old, bad habit that always seemed to end with me having ice cream on my shirt.

My dad was teasing Grandma about how the Yankees got worse each game, and she scowled in return. They could talk forever about baseball forever and not agree once. Matty was showing off his pictures from India proudly, a smirk on his face as he boasted to Lisa that she would never have been able to adjust to they way of driving like he did. Emily was talking on and on about something that no one was paying more than half attention too, while Patrick quickly hit buttons on his DS. Jules connected yet another puzzle piece together, and I quickly sighed with defeat, giving up on putting in more pieces than her. She beats me yet again. Jack’s quiet snores could be heard through the thin walls that separated the living room and his parent’s room where he crashed. For a second I was surprised he could sleep through all the noise before remembering that he could sleep through anything. The uncles in the kitchen were talking about politics, sports and the stock market all at once, which seemed like quite an achievement.

It was just another night, with me sitting there, quietly watching. I was too young to join in with the chat about driving and colleges, but much too old to allow myself to be made a fool of like Emily. Not that anyone would ever think that about her because she was so young, so precious. Not that I minded. I liked my little spot in the family where I was able to have a foot in both worlds.

The aunts came bursting in, immediately dragging all the attention in the room toward them, which is the way it had always been. Kim, the youngest with silky brown hair and a slightly patronizing smile, said, “We almost forgot—the fireworks are tonight!”

I glanced at Jules slightly confused. “Annual Martha’s Vineyard fireworks, by the beach,” she mouthed. I smiled thanks. No matter how much we fought, she liked being able to explain things to me, probably because it made her feel smarter.

“We’re going?” Matt asked. “We’ll never be able to park this late.”

“Oh, we’ll find away,” said his mom, Sue, and her devilish smile would’ve scared me if I hadn’t known her so well.

I smiled. Finally, something to do tonight. “Who’s coming?” asked my mom, quickly scanning the room with her eyes like she was making mental plans on how to fit everyone in the car.

I bit my lip, waiting to see who else was going to go. I was never the first to voice my opinions here unless I was positive it was right. “Sure,” Jules said, speaking for her and Matty, her brother. They were so close it seemed they could speak through glances, and I felt another pang of jealousy as I realized Patrick and me have never been that close.

“I’ll come too,” I said now that I was sure I wouldn’t end up going alone.

Emily quickly counted herself in—she would do anything to hang out with the older kids, a little like me in that way, but Lisa, Aunt Kathy and Aunt Linda decided not to, claiming they had to get up early. “Let me go wake up Jack. He will be awfully grumpy if he finds out tomorrow we went without him,” Kim, his mom, said.

She walked over to the other room, and Jules poked Patrick with her foot. “You coming?” she asked.

He didn’t even look up from his screen. “No.”

She fake pouted. “Aw, come on, you’re, like, no fun anymore.”

Patrick sighed, and paused his game. “We’re not even gonna see the fireworks,” he reasoned in that way he always did.

Matty grabbed his DS, and shut it. “Come on, Patch, it will be like old times.”

Patrick rolled his eyes but stood up anyway. Of course Matt and Jules would be able to convince him to come.

It took another 20 minutes to get everyone outside, gathered around the car. The faint light from the garage outlined their familiar faces. None of the uncles decided to come, and it was the way things were supposed to be. Aunts and kids just like old times.

We could only take one car because due to the messed up driveway we couldn’t pull the other one out in the darkness with out plowing down a bikes and probably a couple kids too. Kim and Sue sat in the front seat, and Matty was trying to sit on his moms lap up there, but we quickly diminished that option. My mom, Patrick, Emily and Jack squished together in the middle row. I sat in the back row with Jules, our knees squished together in the small space. Matty surveyed the car from outside; as if he was trying to decide where he would fit best.

“Just get in the back with Jules and Kell,” his mom said. Matty grimaced, probably predicting the little room we would have considering Jules and me were practically sitting on top of each other already. He shrugged and managed to make it in the back only stepping on each person in the middle row once and only bonking his head three times.

He squished in between Jules and me, finding the only space for his arms was wrapped tightly our shoulders. He tightened his grip around us on purpose, and squished us towards him. “See, this is just as good as buckling,” he said with a cheeky grin. I rolled my eyes.

It was a good thing the streets were deserted, and no cops seemed to be about because just from sitting we were breaking dozens of road rules, tightly packed in the car like sardines. Plus, we had a Decker driving, and they tended to go just a little fast.

“Well, isn’t this fun!” Kim exclaimed, clearly oblivious to the little amount of room we had to breathe. “Turn on the Bruce.”

Our family had many quirks. One of them could be their slight obsession with Bruce Springsteen. Kim and Sue had loved him since they were kids, and by now they could practically be considered groupies. They’ve been to every concert they could, and could name each concert they went to by its date. Naturally, I grew up listening to him constantly, and my mom didn’t even like him as much as Kim and Sue did. The last notes of a song filled the car, especially loud in the back.

“Let’s see who can guess the next song,” said Kim; starting a game we had played with Bruce songs since I was a little kid. I never won, but I liked playing nonetheless. The first notes of the song came on and seconds later the name was out of Matt’s mouth.

“Thunder Road!” he shouted. He gave a whoop when he realized he was right. The hand that was tightly gripping my shoulder reached across my body to give Jules a loud high five. During the exchange I was pulled close to his armpit, and I quickly shoved him away from Jules, hoping to get more room to breathe.

“Come on, guys. Personal space,” I said, but I was smiling.

“Really, Kelly? You should know by know there is none in this family,” Julia said, laughing with Matt.

Sue reached over Kim and cranked up the volume so loud it felt like the car was throbbing to the beat. The first words came on, and we all sang along—not entirely off beat to our credit.

The screen door slams
Mary' dress waves
Like a vision she dances across the porch
As the radio plays
Roy Orbison singing for the lonely
Hey that's me and I want you only
Don't turn me home again
I just can't face myself alone again
Don't run back inside
Darling you know just what I'm here for
So you're scared and you're thinking
That maybe we ain't that young anymore
Show a little faith there's magic in the night
You ain't a beauty but hey you're alright

Oh and that's alright with me


I didn’t know all the words, but I still sang as loud as the rest of them. Even Jack sang, like it was the only thing keeping his sleepy eyes from closing. Patrick sank lower in his seat. He glanced cautiously out the window, looking for people we knew. Not like there was going to be anyone. As I sang louder and louder, I wondered, not for the first time this week, what I would do without any of them.

Just as soon as the song slowed to a stop, the car did as well. Cars parked up and down the street, but it didn’t seem like anyone was actually on the beach. I glanced out the small window and saw a small, empty stretch of beach. I groaned. Not only were Deckers notorious for speeding, they were also known for having no sense of direction. Unfortunately, that was a trait I seemed to inherit.

Julia groaned as well. “We should have let Matt drive,” she said, referring to the fact that Matt was the only one of us who could find his way out of a parking lot.

“No, no,” Kim reassured. “We weren’t going to be able to park any closer. We can watch the fireworks from this beach, like a private beach.”

“Yeah,” Jules muttered, “We can watch them with a telescope.” She gave me a rare smile, and I grinned back not because I thought it was funny but because I was just happy to be included in the joke.

“Oh, come on,” her mom said, and we all managed to crawl out of the car without killing ourselves.

Once we got outside, I shivered and hugged my bare arms. Patrick looked at me condescendingly. “You should’ve brought a jacket.” He didn’t even offer me his like a good brother would. I scowled and stormed onto the beach first, without even looking to see if anyone was following.

We settled down against the sand. Jules leaned back into her mom’s legs, and Jack was dozing off in his mom’s lap. I glanced down and for a second Jules caught my eyes. We’ve all gotten good at reading each others expressions from years of practice, yet for some reason I had no clue if she was silently inviting me to lay down next to her, like we would’ve years ago, or if she was just making fun of me. My hesitation ruined the moment, and she looked away. I turned around and walked towards Emily, Patrick and Matty by the ocean.

Emily was kicking at the water, and I noticed it sparkled when she moved her foot. She was going on about how there were secret fairies down there whom lite up. I could tell it pained Matty not to explain what was really happening. He was so smart he was like a human encyclopedia at times, and I knew how much he loved to share what he knew. He was 18 now, but for some reason I remembered him as the 12 year old who tried to teach me the presidents in alphabetical order. Like a good cousin, though, and the great listener he was, he didn’t say anything until Emily stopped talking about her absurd theories.

The moment she stopped to take a breath, Patrick and Matty stepped in, their combined knowledge making them probably smarter than everyone else watching the fireworks tonight. They somehow managed to make plankton sound fun, explaining to Emily, that, no, they didn’t really own restaurants, and weren’t evil. I smiled at them and walked back to the aunts.

I lay down against my mom’s legs, close enough to reach out and grab Jules’ hand if I wanted to. I didn’t, of course. I saw in the distant sky the first firework light up, but I couldn’t hear the noise. Sue reached over and grabbed a lock of my hair between my fingers. “God, Kelly, didn’t you grow up fast. Your curls are still exactly the same though.” After living in the family long enough, you learned to just smile and say thanks when they got all emotional on you.

“Geez, Mom, she’s not a little kid anymore,” Jules said, much to my surprise.

Sue smiled, but her eyes looked a little sad. “I know. None of you guys are anymore. You know what’s the worst part? No one stays close with their cousins when they get older.”

“That’s not true,” I said quickly.

Kim joined in on the conversation. “It is, though. When’s the last time any of you talked to Brian?”

I opened my mouth than shut it. The last time I talked to Brian, our oldest cousin, was in June at Grandpa’s picnic. The conversation was forced and awkward, with him called me munchkin and teasing me like he didn’t know what to say now that I was a teenager. “Still,” I protested feebly. “We’re different.”

Now, Sue really smiled. “Maybe you’ll be the glue that hold them together, Kelly. You have that spirit.”
I closed my eyes tight. I couldn’t think of life without them, I could barely think of a day when they didn’t have some impact on me. We’re different. We’re different. We’re different. I said the words in my mind, in time to the beat of my heart. Through the darkness, I groped for Jules hand. Once I grabbed it tight in mine, and she squeezed it, I believed that maybe it was true.