I wake with my head propped up on the headstone engraved delicately. Each letter etched into the smooth surface of stone. My eyes blink open, and I am suddenly filled with the sadness that I have tried to conquer too many times. I run, but not far enough. I hope, but it only fades away. And I turned my face to the blind facts that I always have had to look from. And then I fall, and I can only hope to survive.

The bleak and dreary look of cobweb greets me as the tears fall. I cannot love for so long before heartbreak comes, And I know that. I’m just not willing to face that.

That. That is the thing that we all fear. And That. That word is used by so many. It is used for so many different things. And That is what scares me. How can we, all of us, conquer that, if it is That that holds us back. Enslaves us to be someone we are not.

I look to the ground, to everything around me. And what surrounds is a fantasy. The dream where you are chased, but cannot run. I push through the cold rush of air in the emptiness and openness blows the tree, creaking sound of branches that don’t want to move. The rush of wind in this place of buried people, great people. People, and people alike. People I do not know. Except for the ones I fear. The ones I know well, too well.

We are all strong, and we are all. We all, live, die, breathe, and stop breathing. But that thing we all fear, that shadow full of blackness in the midst of a summer’s warmth and brightness of light and hope shining down on us. But still, the dark of fear is unheard of, following your footsteps, until the dark, where it is seen no longer, but still present. Maybe even more so, because now it can be anywhere, and you don’t have to see it to sense the present of obscurity hurting you. You, I, we cannot yell out because the pain you cannot feel until it is gone, and you are left with emptiness.

And yet, I am here. Alone. The white cast polyester granite stone chills my skin as the warmth of their memories swarm my mind. Invading the wall of protection I have never let down. Recounting each fall. And then the staggering voice inside my head falters until it is no longer heard, and I have to turn away. Turn to where the wind shatters the silence, and leaves blow in the distance, gently rustling the earth beneath me.

My eyes strain to stay open, flickering out of my grasp, and I let go. Let go of all that I have ever feared, and entering the dark. And as I awake, coming back into reality. For there is nothing worse than forgetting and having to remember, remember the heartache, and the sadness that engulfed me for so many days, months, years. It will swallow me forever.

The light I awaken to is no short of misery. The pain is inflicted again, and so I leave. Leave what I have to wake in a place that no longer brings each day a challenge, but new I embrace.