Dear You,
It happens to other people you say “how sad” or you say “poor thing” but, when it’s you – it’s something bigger than that. You live with this pain and agony for a great deal of time that continuously replays in your mind over and over again. I loved you, and the sad part is a piece of me still did for some time afterwards. I lost everything because of you, I lost my friends, my family, I even lost myself along the way. But, I did whatever you said because you meant the world to me. As I laid in that hospital bed, while you were sent to jail I sit and wonder where it all went wrong. My dad warned me about guys like you, the ones who would charm their way into your heart and end up making you feel worthless in the end.
I was only 17 at the time when I met you, I remember like it was yesterday… I was looking at college dorms and you bumped into me and spilt coffee all over my new shirt and even then you were a charmer. You showed me around the campus and soon enough you asked me out on a date. Weeks began to pass and then you officially became my boyfriend, I felt like I was on top of the world having a college boyfriend while still being in high school. I loved when you used to pick me up from school, and all the girls would just stare because they were envious of me and you. I remember my best friend Stacey would always say, “You found a winner, don’t let this one go.” That phrase would constantly repeat and repeat in my head because I always felt like I just won first place in a marathon whenever I was with you and I couldn’t have been any happier.
I remember our first date. You took me to some fancy restaurant which I distinctly remember not being able to pronounce. We talked, we laughed, and most importantly, I felt comfortable with you and knew you were a genuinely great guy. You gave me your coat when I was cold, and you held me until I was able to feel my frozen fingers again. The trait that really made me believe you were an all around great guy was when you met my family.
My family instantly loved you. The fact you were always welcomed at my house was beyond me since my parents actually trusted you, which rarely happened because they hated all the guys I brought home. Let’s just say you had your way with words, you even made your way into my heart. I look back on that one night on the porch when you looked me straight in the eyes and even looked straight into my heart and said, “I love you.” At that moment…at the time….I just wanted to freeze time and keep replaying that moment like a record player just because I knew you meant what you said in that very moment. I could instantly look at you and say back, “I love you too.” I would do anything to relive that night all over again. The things I would do to go back to where they used to be. If only.
Suddenly, the fighting and jealousy started. You wouldn’t let me text other guys anymore, you caused me to constantly fight with my family, you wouldn’t let me hang out with my friends unless you tagged along, and once they got annoyed with that you then you wouldn’t let me see them anymore. At first, I just thought you did the things you did because you were protecting me but, I soon enough saw what you were really doing. I took so many extreme and life threatening actions that could have put me in severe danger and could’ve even put my life at risk, but at the time I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. When I finally began to realize what was going on, that’s when it all started. Soon enough the slapping, the punching, the kicking began. You hurt me, and you covered it up with a sob story and presents and of course, I gave into it. My pain couldn’t be seen because it was disguised by this mask I wore for you. I was your puppet and I wanted nothing else but, to be perfect for you.
You took away my innocence and my childhood that one night where you pushed me onto the bed and wouldn’t take no for an answer. My laughs and smiles were soon replaced with screams and cries, but I did it all for you. You’ll never see the scars you left on my body and you’ll never be able to feel how I felt at that very moment. From that point on it continued to get worse, I graduated and I went to the same college as you. My mistake. You were so possessive; I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Do you remember who I was back in the day? Because I certainly don’t. One night, things got out of control, and it led me to that hospital bed. You were obsessed, a monster more so, you pushed me down that flight of stairs for talking to another boy, which made me have no feeling in my legs, and stitches lined across different areas of my body.
You took my body, tore it in half – you took everything that I once kept for myself and now you’re gone. I look back and see what I did for love, and what I did for you. I wish we could’ve had our happy ending like you said where we would run off together and get married and have three kids but that dream has now disappeared. I will forgive you someday, but I will never forget all the obstacles you put me through, and I hope one day you realize the things I dealt with for you.
Five years later, and I’ve stopped worrying about you. I look at myself in the mirror every morning and I see myself again…I see the girl who I once was. I’ve gotten my life back on track. I’ve just graduated from Boston College and I’m now writing for one of the local newspapers. Also, I’ve met someone new…someone who deserves me and treats me the way I should be treated. I refuse to leave his name in this letter because I don’t want you to put him in danger in the near future. We met at a school event, almost a year after our incident, and we had an instant chemistry which scared me a bit because I was unsure what to expect after what happened between me and you. However, he was patient and was willing to make sacrifices and deal with my crazy lunacy as I was still overcoming my fears of you. He has currently proposed to me, and guess who is now a bride to be? Me. Who would expect that right? I never thought I’d find anyone else after you, but….I did.
You know how people say everything happens for a reason? Well I’d like to believe that’s true. In a way, I guess I can say thank you for making me a strong woman who can fight her own battles and be determined to make a difference in someone’s lives. I’m not writing this for you to become angry or upset with me. I know you’re still in that prison cell and I know you still have another year in that cell to go, but I needed closure. I needed you to know that I’m okay and I’ve moved on and I no longer need someone like you in my life. I just wanted you to know I can put you at rest and finally say goodbye….
Sincerely,
Sara