I threw it, and I threw it hard. It felt good to throw a baseball again. I hadn’t thrown a ball since high school. I should have been proud of myself but I wasn’t. I wanted to kick myself really bad.

It all started in my senior year of high school. I was the best shortstop in Sacramento and had my heart set on going to USC. I didn’t think it would be hard. The recruiter comes, sees me play and faster then you can say “groundball,” I’m in USC.

Turns out it was a lot harder than I thought. I knew that colleges paid football players to play for them, but I couldn’t imagine someone doing that for baseball.

You see everything was going great, my team the Cougars were four and o and I had straight B’s. The USC recruiter was coming the next, next Thursday. On Thursday to watch us practice and Friday, watch our game.

Some people say I have nerves of steel. Let me tell you, I do not. It was Wednesday, the day before the recruiter came and man, was I nervous. There were so many things I was anxious about. One of my major fears was that I would screw up. Screw up on the one chance I had.

Turns out, I did pretty well in the game. A few balls came my way and I scooped them up and made the play. I also went 3-1 at the plate. Practice was a different story though. During practice, I hit about seven of twenty balls out of the infield. When we were throwing the ball to each other, I hate to admit it, but I sucked.

I can’t tell you how scared I was that they wouldn’t recruit me. I was so relieved when they realized the potential that I had and called me up. They told me that they wanted me to play for them. I was so excited that I wanted to scream like a little girl, but I decided to hide my excitement as well as I could. Then came the words that would change my life forever.

“And along with a full scholarship, we will pay you 50 grand as well.” I was even more excited. I was so close to screaming. I wanted to say, “yes, yes, yes,” but of course I couldn’t. My parents wouldn’t want me to.

So instead, I said “ I will have to think about my decision. Thank you.” And I hung up. As soon as I did, I started screaming, “Uh huh, Oh yea!”

That night my parents and I discussed it. I could tell that my parents were feeling a little uncomfortable about the situation. They probably wanted me to turn down the money. But they told me that it was my decision.

I decided to sleep on it, see if I felt any different in the morning. In the morning I still wanted to take the opportunity, but these decisions need more than just a day to decide. If USC wanted me so bad that they would pay me to play, I am pretty sure they could wait. After a couple weeks I still didn’t feel any different about my decision. I called USC up, and told them “yes.”

And that was the worst decision I would make in my life. I would regret that moment for the rest of my life including right now.

It was two months into the school year. We had played eight games and I had started three of them. I know what you're thinking, “Three, that’s lame.” But it was pretty good for a freshman. I was doing pretty well in batting too, I had a .290 average.

I had just gotten home from Thursday’s practice when my cell phone rang. “Hello?” I asked.

“Hi, this is Alex from the NCAA Baseball Association. Open your door.” He said.

“Okay...” I said uncertainly. I closed my phone and opened the door. In front of me was a man in his forties with slicked back, black hair. He had the beginning of a beard and mustache.

“Can I have a moment with you please?” he asked.

“Someone is getting your coach but I’ll ask you a few questions first.” I was really scared now. What did they want to do with me? I was about to tell him to make himself comfortable, but closed my mouth when I saw that he had already sat down. I took a seat across from him.

He asked me some simple questions, like who my parents were and etc. I was just starting to ease up and bit when my coach walked in with a man exactly like the one that was in my room already. I had a bad feeling about this meeting.

My coach was getting really pale, like he knew what was happening. Unlike me. I had no idea what this was about. Then it hit me, the 50 grand. Man, I was in big trouble. It was really quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Suddenly, the man who had came in with my coach started talking.

“You two are in big trouble. I would like you to return the money,” he was giving me the death stare right now. But his head moved and he started looking at my coach. My coach, if possible, was getting even more pale. “You, Coach Germaine are banned from coaching for three months.” Oh no, he was looking at me again. “You mister are not going to play baseball your freshman or sophomore year. And no red shirt freshman business, okay?” Was this really happening, was this guy actually taking baseball away from me? I couldn’t believe it. Even though he had the authority there was no way he was going to take that away from me.

“Yes sir,” I replied. Soon after my coach left with the two men and I was left alone in my room. I screamed at the top of my lungs and it helped, a little.

The next couple of months went by really slowly. I was always thinking about how I couldn’t play baseball anymore, I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t care about the money, all I cared about was not being able to play baseball. I was so mad at myself that I banned my own self from ever playing again.

It was my son who encouraged me to play again. My wife also helped. I guess I was really glad they made me play. I was starting to realize the fun in baseball again. But I couldn’t get the image of the meeting out of my mind. I’m 32, it’s not too late to start over.