I sighed heavily as my alarm clock woke me. A cool breeze brushed over my face from my open window. I got out of bed and stretched my limbs before dragging myself into the bathroom to shower.
“Why did I have to wake up today?” I mumbled to myself as the warm water seeped over my body.
I thought about my school: the narrow hallways; the people chatting at the back of the room; the subjects I didn’t want to take; and my friends. I’ve found myself amid a group of seven people, but there are only three I’m close with. We only really sit together for the sake of what other people think. We’re more like props than friends to each other sometimes. Despite the three that I feel comfortable around, I feel like an outsider sometimes. The others have known each other for years, but I only started at this school last year, in the 9th grade.
I heard a banging on the door that could've shaken the room.
"Hurry up, Jason!" My father yelled through the walls. I slouched as I shut off the water, wrapped a towel around myself, and made my way back up to my room. It was dark in there since I didn’t turn a light on when I woke up. There were piles of books and clothes scattered across the floor, along with my laptop and backpack.
I dressed myself in my uniform that consisted of long grey pants and a white shirt and blue sweater. I ran my fingers through my silky hazel-brown hair; it was getting long, growing slightly past my ears. I fixed my contact lenses onto my green eyes and the world came into focus. I then packed my bag with the day’s subjects, and I smiled at the fact that I had an English class today.
Out of the corner of my eye I noticed my phone light up and I was greeted by the contact photo of my best-friend, Alex. I felt a warmth inside me, the same feeling I always get around Alex, a feeling of safety, a feeling that everything is going to be okay. But it’s a feeling that I feel guilty about, and he can never know about.
I answered the phone. “Hello?” I said with a dull tone.
“Don't sound so happy to hear from me, J.” He said with a chuckle. “If you don’t turn that frown upside down I might have to come over and do it for you.”
“Is that a threat?” I enquired with a smile.
Alex was always saying things like that. He’d go to the ends of the Earth to make a friend happy. Alex was close with everyone in our group, and was pretty well liked within our school, unlike me, who was too shy to talk to anyone. Alex was always sure to make me feel welcome, and was never too busy to talk to me.
“So are you coming today? You can’t leave me alone with Leah, Em, and the others again.”
“Yeah, I’m coming. I’m leaving in a few minutes. See you later.” I said.
“See you soon!” He said with excitement. My lips curled up into a smile. It’s Friday today and I haven’t been to school all week so it wouldn’t really make any difference going today, but Alex’s call made me more motivated. I felt like today wasn’t going to be so bad. He seemed to drown out all the negativity in my life.
I lost my train of thought when I heard my father screaming at me from downstairs to finish getting ready and leave the house; leave him alone. I don’t know what he does when I’m not here but I really don’t think I want to know. My mother died three years ago and we have been really disconnected since. He only ever talks to me to find out how I’m going in school and to get me out of the house. The only interest he’s taken in my personal life is encouraging me to get a girlfriend, I suppose he thinks that will get me out of the house more.
I rushed downstairs with my bag and left without breakfast. I rarely ate anything, let alone breakfast. I slammed the front door shut behind me, kicking a few stones along the pathway that led away from my house, music blasting through my headphones for the duration of my walk. I was surrounded by the icy breeze of a Kansas winter. Luckily it hadn’t snowed yet because I’d left my thick school wind-jacket in my locker. The sun appeared from behind the clouds for a brief moment to shine on my face, I stopped walking for a moment to enjoy the warmth before continuing my walk hastily.
I entered the school through the side gate and made my way up the stairs to my locker. I overheard some girl’s discussing me in a group as I walked past them.
"He's kind of cute though… In a mysterious sort of way." I heard one of them say with a giggle. I had to keep myself from laughing out loud when I glanced up and saw the girl’s face go bright red.
I had one more flight of stairs to trek up when I was greeted with the friendly face of Alex. A grin danced across my face.
"Bro, you're finally back!" He said while pulling me in for a short hug.
"Did I miss much?" I asked, tearing myself away from him unwillingly.
"I think we have some sort of Chemistry assignment. I don't know, I'm not the best person to go to for these kind if things." He said.
I laughed, "Yeah, you're not known for paying attention." We headed to my locker together, even though his was in a different building to mine and we didn't have class together until third period. I appreciated him coming with me though.
I fumbled with the dial on my lock clumsily, finally opening it on the third try. Loose sheets of paper were scattered everywhere amongst the books I kept. I collected the various notepads and textbooks I needed. P.E, Chemistry, and English are the only classes I take with Alex, so they're the ones I look forward to most. English is the only one out of the three I have today.
I checked the clock on my phone: it read 8:37. I still had about 20 minutes before I needed to get to class, so I decided I'd stick with Alex and find out what's been happening with him and the rest of the group. He told me about Leah's latest boyfriend, which didn't excite me too much considering the fact she has a different one every week. I also heard about the upcoming cross-country; someone I didn’t know being expelled; a teacher being fired and various other stories that didn’t interest me. I paid little attention to the conversation until Alex wanted my opinion on something.
"What do you think about Em?" He asked.
"Emma? Why?" I said curiously.
"She's really pretty," he said longingly. "I think I'm gonna ask her out."
My face fell and my heart sank. This shouldn't have affected me. I shouldn't have cared. Any other guy wouldn't care. But I did. And in that moment everything I'd been thinking and feeling made sense to me.
I was in love with Alex. I was in love with the way he always had a smile on his face; the way he made me laugh; the way he called me almost every day to see how I was. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him and tell him how I felt. But I knew I never could, and I never would.
The school bell rang throughout the campus before I had a chance to give Alex a reply. I was glad. I didn't know what to say anyway.
"See you, Jason!" Alex said as he waved goodbye and headed towards the main building. I walked in the opposite direction to the computer room, where I had my first class this morning. When I got there, I took a seat next to the window so I could enjoy looking at the clouds while the teacher lectured us about whatever it was we were supposed to be learning.
It was about halfway through the class when I felt a vibration on my side. It was my phone. I pulled it out of my pocket and checked it, to find a text from Alex that read ‘Should I ask Em?’

I sighed. I didn't want him to talk to her, or even think about her. The thought of seeing the two of them two walking down the hallways hand-in-hand made me upset. I replied with
‘Whatever, go ahead.’
I tried to make it sound like I didn't care. He could never know how I felt. I'd be surprised if he ever talked to me again. I now dreaded my English class in third period. I didn't want to see Alex. I know I shouldn't have feelings for him, it could ruin our friendship, and I know he'd never love me. But part of me always hoped that deep down, he felt the same way.
The rest of my classes for the morning passed in a blur, until break, where I gazed at Alex while he gazed at Emma. Forbidden thoughts, tumbling through my mind, for words forever to be left unsaid.
The bell eventually went for third period, so Alex and I got up and started heading towards the main building for English. His sandy blonde hair blew in the wind, and his bright blue eyes twinkled in the sunlight. I caught myself staring at him and quickly directed my attention to the concrete ground. We walked in silence until reaching our classroom. The class was supposed to have started a few minutes ago, but our teacher, Ms. Williams hadn’t arrived yet. It was common for her to be about 15 minutes late.
I followed Alex over to a group of people we knew, and took a seat next to him. I avoided making eye contact with him, out of fear that he might suspect something if I looked at him for too long. It was hard not to look at him; his joyfulness and innocence always seemed to make my problems drift away. Much like the way a gust of wind sweeps up a bank of snow in a snowdrift.
Ms. Williams showed up and began our lesson. We had just started analysing the works of Shakespeare, and in this lesson we were to write a paragraph explaining key points of the tragedy, Romeo and Juliet.
I found myself comparing my own situation with that of Romeo and Juliet. Our circumstances don’t have much similarity, other than having an obstacle in the way of people finding happiness. The concept is cruel, but seems to apply to all things in life.
There will always be something in the way, but when an unstoppable force comes into contact with an immovable object, both will either be destroyed in the collision, or the force will plough though the object and continue it’s journey. I clicked my pen as I contemplated this, before Alex interrupted me.
“O Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?” He said dramatically with his hand on his chest.
I laughed and replied, “Deny thy father and refuse thy name!”
“Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love-” He continued, before getting a glare from the teacher and various other students.
“And I’ll no longer be a Capulet.” I finished under my breath.
Alex and I laughed and continued working. He loved to take the piss out of Shakespeare; he says it’s too melodramatic and unrealistic. I agree with him to some extent, but you can’t just focus on what happens, you have to focus on why it happens.
The school bell rung again, meaning I had to go to Spanish and leave Alex. I wasn’t sure how I felt about this. I liked being around him but since realising I had feelings for him, being in his presence made me uncomfortable. I packed my notes into my bag and made my way to Spanish.
The rest of the day passed quickly, I paid little attention to my last four subjects of the day, Spanish, Math, History and Geography.
I saw Alex again at lunch but we exchanged little conversation. He said he’d text me after school because he wanted to talk. I assumed it was because he wanted advice on how to go about asking Emma out, so I wasn’t exactly looking forward to talking to him. I spent most of my time in class glancing out the window. It started snowing lightly; I watched Kansas slowly become enveloped in thin sheets of white that glistened whenever the sun showed itself from behinds the clouds.
After being dismissed after period seven I made my way back up to my locker, to find Alex there.
“Are you stalking me?” I asked lightly as I begin twisting the dial on my locker. Alex looked tense, and half-smiled at my question.
“I didn’t want to wait until later to talk to you.” He said. “I’ve missed seeing you around school this week.”
“Yeah I’ve missed seeing you too.” I said casually while fumbling with my lock. I was trying not to take anything he said the wrong way.
“So I’ve been thinking about Emma and-” He was cut off by me screaming abuse at my locker, I had tried to open it twice and I still couldn’t unlock the thing. Alex laughed at me and offered to open it for me. I watched as his fingers gently twisted the dial to all the correct numbers, it then opened with a gentle click.
“Thank you.” I said with a deep sigh, and shoved my books back in before closing the small metal door.
“So what about Emma?” I asked, though I really didn’t want to know.
To my surprise, Alex replied with “I don’t think I like her anymore.”
“That didn’t take you long.” I stated.
“I think it’ll ruin the friendship.” He replied. I nodded as if I understood, but honestly I was confused. This morning he was head-over heels for her and now he doesn't care about her.
We walked to the exit of the school without exchanging any words, and our steps slowed as we reached the gate. I could tell there was something on Alex’s mind by the tense expression on his face. I asked him if anything was wrong and he said no, so I left him alone about it.
We finally exchanged goodbyes, but just as I was about to turn away, Alex hugged me tightly. I wrapped my arms around him just as I wanted to earlier. I didn’t know what the hug was for, but I didn’t complain. I just pulled him close to me, and it was as if everything I ever wanted to say was said, but without words. In a matter of seconds, the seemingly bottomless bank of things that troubled me was carried away with the wind. Whether Alex loved me or not, he would always be the wind behind my snowdrift.