As I walk into the room, my body starts to tighten. My d*bag senses are tingling. That’s when I see him, standing with a group of his friends. He looks strikingly similar to a bird. His hair is straight out of 2007 and his eyes are fogged over with thoughts of stoner bands and skate parks. I try to keep my head down and start walking quickly, but it’s too late. He sees me.

“Hey, come over here!” I sigh and make my way over. Even though I can hardly stand being around him, he’s so much of a drama queen that it’s just easier to put up with him. Besides, I like most of his friends.

“Hey guys,” I say. We start into a conversation and I’m actually starting to have a good time when the topic shifts to college. Big bird starts talking about how he’s only applied to one school. It just happens to be an extremely prestigious private school in the south. I know for a fact that the hardest class he’s taken in his high school career was an honors Spanish class, so this comes as a surprise. When I ask him what he’ll do if he doesn’t get in, he replies,

“Oh, I don’t know. I heard about this guy who like, rides around on his skateboard playing his guitar for a living. I’ll probably do that.” My mouth actually drops. He’s completely serious. I don’t understand how someone could be so incredibly dumb. Sighing, I pick up my bag and tell the group I’ve got to go. My entire drive home is consumed with thoughts about the lack of a future this bird brain will have.