It’s this time of year that changes people’s lives, when the leaves begin change color and fall in to the sweet wet grass, when the air starts turning cold, so do peoples hearts. Last year at this time I had the whole universe at my feet and now I’m just like the leaves hanging on for a little bit until I fall onto the soaking wet grass and become so dead that I just crumble into a billion pieces of nothing, or maybe decompose into the soaking wet soil and become part or something great. You see, I didn’t choose this life, this broken, unwanted path that I walk unwillingly, much like I didn’t choose for him to break my heart and run away with it without even leaving a note saying goodbye. However, I do walk this lonely forgotten road, and he did leave me stranded in the fog.
It’s like the whole point of fall for him wasn’t about the unwanted leaves or the soft air but to watch me fall. And that’s exactly what he did; those beautiful, bold brown eyes just watched me as I drowned myself in my own puddle of sorrow. His soft hands that I once held so tightly didn’t even bother to wave goodbye, and his long legs didn’t even think to run after me. He just stood there, taller than a tree, not even giving a care in the world that he had just ruined someone’s life. The words shot out of his mouth faster than a bullet and colder than the wind “It’s over.” And just like that, two words ruined a life quicker than the seasons pass. Only because he was my life or at least the only thing left that made me feel alive.
It’s been a year since I called him mine, 12 months, 365 days and 8,756 hours since he abandoned me on the day of homecoming. The reality is that it wasn’t his fault; it was the weather’s, because when it rains it pours but when the sun finds it way through the darkness, it soaks up all the rain like a hungry ant eater only living the life that it killed behind. So really, rain is a good thing, and fall is a great thing but it is the sun we have to fear, and power of day and night that over rules so many souls. For me, I have been stuck in the darkness too long only because I can’t seem to move on from my past, because I’m still waiting for my chance to be captured by the sun and change color so I can just slowly fade away and be part of the clouds. Up there, the air wouldn’t destroy me because I would be the air and maybe, just maybe, he will join me and the weather would never be able to touch us again, not even in the coldest of temperatures and the foggiest of falls. Until then me and my shattered heart, broken brown eyes, long curly dark hair, and lost personality will wait, for however long it will take; because I’m stronger than the wind that’s trying to blow me over, because I am stronger than strength itself.