I am climbing up a towering tree and the journey seems endless. The prickly and brambly bark is seeping through my black turtleneck blouse and tiny, dinky twigs are tangling my straight brown hair. The blazing rays of the sun hit me with its scorching and sweltering heat which starts to tan my olive-skinned face. I seem to have all the stamina in the world. Where was this during PE? Time is limitless while happiness is eternal.

I finally feel like I belong somewhere. The ants and other creatures which are running around the tree are not treating me as an outcast like the kids at school do. For once, I feel like I am welcome to this harsh world.

Suddenly, a giant, tremendous tarantula appears out of nowhere. Gooey liquid oozes out of its body every time it takes a step. However, something about the tarantula is absolutely absurd and peculiar. Its face is the combination of all the bullies and bystanders that I have come across over the years. My worst two nemeses were there--Sal Karda and Rue Langer. But not only is the tarantula portraying my enemies, it is also replicating their voices, repeating all of the insults which had been thrown out me before.

"Stupid says what." teased Sal and Rue.

"What?" I stutter.

The tarantula glares at me with its crimson gray, yellow eyes giving me a bloodthirsty look. It starts to chase me through the tree. I vigorously gallop from branch to branch. The sharp leaves of the tree furrows my smooth cheek as thick, red blood gushes out of it. I bawl and wail in agony as I try to escape the clutches of the demon. I reach the top of the tree wheezing and lamenting over the large incise on my beautiful, rosy cheek. I slowly began to relax, thinking that I have lost the devil. I close my sea green eyes, knowing that it is well secure under my eyelids. I drift to a peaceful place in a meadow where all is calm and I am the only person there. Just me. Nothing else.

I wake up to the sight of the tarantula.

As I am extremely impetuous, not knowing what to do, I fearlessly take a leap of life and soar through the sky--without thinking of plummeting 25-30 to the coarse earth As I am approaching a deadly, rocky gorge, I count my last seconds on Earth.

“4...3...2…"

“AAHHHH!!!” I scream while my nose was twitching, my eyes glistening with tears, my hands dripping sweat all over my blue silky bed, and shivers creeping up my large feet. Oh great...another nightmare….the fifth one of the week! I lay in my bed just gawking at the ceiling, thinking about my life and how it is nothing but pure misery.


At school, I am a total loner; no one wants to be my friend. Every day, I feel so alone in this world--I hate going to school--I sit all by myself next to a trash can while listening to everyone’s comments of how I am a complete weirdo:

"Dude, what's wrong with that girl? Does she have depression issues?"

I then stared deep into Brenda's dead black eyes, trying to figure out her motive behind teasing me with her cold-hearted jokes.

Over the years, I have come to the conclusion that it was the way I dress. I practically dragged my parents to Black Friday last year. I bought all of the clothes that I thought were fashionable but turns out, it weren't. When I arrived to school the next day, some of the girls said:

“Nice boots Kayla! Where did you get them?”

“The frumpy store?"

“Ha ha ha! Good one Annie!”

Every day seems to be a day with neglection, both at school and lately at home.


It is first period: Science. We are wrapping up our volcano unit. Our assignment is to construct a replica of a composite volcano with 5 people of our choice. As usual, I silently wait at my desk, hoping that someone will include me in their group.

There are five rotten kids in science class: Sal Karda and her four other friends. Sal is the fashionista of our school. She doesn’t wear normal boots with regular leather--she wears Italian leather. Sal always wears Alrosa diamond necklaces every day to school, and makes sure to boast about it. Her silky, bodacious, curly hair is left loose while everyone crowds around her with total admiration and awe. Sal leaves her group and is approaching my direction.

“Hey Kayla! How are you today?” asks Sal.

“Pretty good…” I replied. Sal wanted me to be in her group? “Do you want to be in a group together?”

“Oh sorry, I am already in a group. Maybe next time…”

“Kay then.”

Sal then strolls back over to her friends, and I can clearly hear her say, “OMG...Kayla the loser asked me to be in her group! What an idiot…”

Her friends all snicker at this. This was all a joke and I fell for it.

Sixth period rolls in: PE. I am not the athletic type--I fail when it comes to doing any type of physical activity. I change into my PE uniform and march out of the locker room to meet whatever put-downs are thrown at me for the day.

Today, we are starting basketball. Before every new activity we start, our teacher makes us do a “pre-test” to let him and the classmates know if you stink or excel. The pre-test is simple enough: you dribble the basketball around the cones and then perform a basic lay-up. When it is my turn, I fumble, of course. I trip over my basketball due to losing control of it and I knock out three of my classmates including Rue Langers.

“I am SOOOO sorry!” I cry. “Here, let me help…” I try to patch up the mess I just made but instead, make matters worse. Accidently, I stamp on Rue’s petite, tiny hands with my sasquatch type feet and find her to respond with a chilling shriek. “Oh my….are you okay?"

“Oww...you are such a freak! Anything you do, you screw up!” screeched Rue. “You know what? Just leave me alone! God...can’t you take a clue how much everyone hates you?”

I recall everything from the past five minutes. I was pondering the thought of how her last remark was even relevant to this. “I said I was sorry!"

“You should be apologizing for ever existing in this world!” cried Rue.

Fortunately, sixth period is over. Rue takes a fake sniffle while her wanna-be’s give her numerous hugs. Suddenly, they all crisply turn to face me, their piercing eyes squinting at me with a soul-wrenching expression scrutinizing each and every move I am making. They all flip their hair in a signification of disgust and resentment. I bolt to the locker room before they look upon the tears forming in my eyes and I sulk my way back home with the feeling of something dying inside.

When I arrive home, no one is there. I peer over each room but nothing. Oh….Ryan has a soccer game today.

My brother Ryan is six years old and is as perfect as a kindergartener gets. Unlike me, he is quite athletic--he sprints really fast and is quite agile for his age. My parents have enrolled him in a soccer league and he is the team’s star player. My parents also admitted me into the same soccer league when I was Ryan’s age; however, they never stayed for any of my games or practices. They would drop me and pick me up later. I take a quick glance through the window--my dad’s golden BMW rolls in the driveway of my Mediterranean style house.

Ryan enters our house in his sweaty, neon orange uniform with a wide, giant smile and screams, “Kayla! My team won! My team won!”

“I am so proud of you!” I reply, while giving him a great big bear hug and peck a kiss on his cheek.

Later on, I help Ryan finish his homework. His assignment of the week is to write a brief paragraph depicting our family. He is having trouble writing simple letters so how will he write words or sentences? I sit with him the entire night until he gets it and eventually he does. During dinner, I can barely contain my excitement nor stuff any of my mashed potatoes and rice into my mouth.

I proudly tell my parents, "I taught Ryan how to write!"

“Oh honey!" Here it comes, here it comes. "I am so proud of you Ryan! We always knew you had it in you!” my mom praises.

Just like that, all of the recognition I ever wished for is destroyed.


I wake up in darkness. Gray swirls are twirling and swirling all around me. Where am I? How did I even arrive here?

A jagged, craggy, bouldered opening in a shape of a caldera tears and rips the earth as it emerges and surges through the ground. It begins to suck everything–as if it is a vortex. Throughout all of this, I am grasping for dear life as the wind ascends and blows in a spiraling pattern. Suddenly, everything stops and all is calm.

Am I even in New York anymore? I look around me and stop abruptly–I think I have been swept to a parallel universe.

After sobbing and weeping uncontrollably, I find my senses. I regroup:

I know I am in a place other than my home.

There is nothing around me but darkness.

There is a little hole beaming bright white light a little bit far away.

Wait what?

As I am desperate, I run towards the hole. I run and run and run as if I had no tomorrow (which may come true). As I approach it, it becomes larger and larger. Finally, the white light is revealed to be a view of aspects of my life.

At first, the view shows my house. The Christmas card (posted on the refrigerator) says, "Mr. and Mrs. Shane and their son Ryan invites...." I ponder the thought for a long time and draw a conclusion. According to this, Kayla Alexandra Margaret Elizabeth Shane, never existed.


The first stop of this mysterious view is my school: Finkleberry Junior High. It shows my science class, of course without me. Sal is there cackling with her friends. I was somehow, curious to see who Sal was picking on now that I wasn’t there.

“Guys, look, Daphne Westhill is sitting all alone. Wanna go mock her?” sneers Sal.

“Ya! Let’s see what brain-girl has to say today.” replied Sal’s friend.

“Hey Daphne, how are you?” exclaimed Sal.

“Good.” mumbled Daphne. “I don’t have a group yet; do you want to form a group together?”

“Oh sorry, I already have a group. Maybe next time?” Sal walks over to her friends and they all giggle at Daphne’s foolishness.

The view continues to PE. A similar scene as to me occurs. This time, Gabby Durmas knocks Rue down. Rue again yells at her with the same insults she screamed at me.

Moving on, the view displays a soccer field. At first, I thought it was my brother’s game, but it is actually mine. I still exist? How is that?

To be exact, the date is 2006 and it seems that I am having a soccer game. Even then, I was a klutz. I keep tripping over the soccer ball and stumbling over my fellow classmates. All of the parents are cheering and clicking their cameras to cherish their kid's precious childhood memory while my parents were probably back at my house–playing with Ryan. Another scene appears–in my parent’s car.

“Ben, I think we should stay for Kayla’s game. It may be frightening for her to be left all alone. What if she gets hurt?” my mom says in a worried tone.

“Maria, the thing about Kayla is that she is very independent,” began my dad, “I have noticed that she gets nervous whenever we are around. I think we somehow add pressure to her.”

“So you think the best way is to leave her alone so she can excel?”

“Exactly."

Without giving me time to retain the past scene, it transitions into another aspect–my home in present time. In this one, I see my brother struggling with the alphabet. Tears fill my eyes to just look upon my brother's struggle. A letter later arrives saying that my brother will might have to repeat kindergarten. My parents are devastated and as for my brother, he had no clue.


Gray swirls, similar to the ones I saw before, reappear. The views end and I wake up in my bedroom panting while coming to the realization that this was all a dream. Nothing but a petty nightmare. Oh great...another nightmare….the sixth one of the week!

For the next 10 minutes, I analyze my dream. At school, when I saw Sal and Rue yell at other people, they were bellowing the same exact dialogues. They bullied other people aside from me. For my entire school life, there was always some sort of sensation there was a problem within me. I thought I was alone but there was someone like me experiencing the same dilemma.

In addition, my parents never attended my soccer games because they thought I would become too self-conscious with myself. They did it for me. Plus, whenever my parents never acknowledged me, I think they knew I played a key role in my brother's life. They probably only complimented my brother because he needed their attention and praises.

However, one part remains a mystery. When I saw the Christmas card in the dream, I wasn't supposed to exist–for the reason of showing me that I am needed in my family and that I wasn't alone in my situation. But then why was I present in the soccer field?

I have lived my life in insecurity. I am sensitive due to interpreting every small movement or remark as a major thing and expecting such high admiration. My life isn’t the best one, but I wouldn’t want to exchange it for anything else.
Four months later:


“Guys, do you wanna meet up sometime over spring break?” I ask.

“Sure. I am pretty much free the entire vacation.” responded Daphne.

“Ya, me too.” chimed Gabby.

Ever since “the view” dream I had, I realized I was still companionless. Daphne and Gabby also have been bullied by Sal and Rue for the past 7 years–just like me! The day after my dream, I went up to talk to them, and we instantly became friends. We are all so alike–we love to read, play chess, and at one point of our life, we have all felt insecure about something.

“Great then it is settled, we–"

“What are you nerds talking about?” interjected Sal and Rue. They have became best friends now, and together, they are attempting to make our lives miserable.

“Why don’t you just leave us alone?” I proclaim.

“Did I just hear something?” scoffed Sal.

“I think that was the wind.” retorted Rue.

“I said, LEAVE US ALONE!” Sal and Rue cautiously walk away.

Today, I discovered that the best repellant to a bully is to stick up for yourself. That doesn’t mean to fight, of course, but if you just make your point clear that you are unhappy with this sort of treatment, the bully will back down. And that’s what I am planning on doing all the time from now.