I am now awake. I don’t want to be, but I am. There is no more resistance, the doctor comes today. I am scared, but not as scared as my dad. I am an only child, if I die, he is alone. I walk out into the kitchen where my dad is standing, waiting to remind me of what I have been thinking about for weeks.

“The doctor is coming today, Kai,” My dad says. “There is nothing to be afraid of; he will make you well again.” I would like him to stop talking to me as if I don’t know what’s going on, but I know he is just trying to calm me down, because he loves me.

I take a seat and wait for the doctor to arrive; it is taking far too long. My dad is holding my shoulders as if his life depends on it. We hear footsteps, his grip tightens. Then a knock, my dad is about to break my collar bone at this point. Electricity flows through my body. He waits for a second knock before getting the door-as if not to say, “Where were you?” or “What took you so long?” or just not to seem desperate.
“Welcome, welcome,” my dad says.

The doctor walks in completely ignoring him. He walks up to me and says, “You must be Kai. Well I am going to ask a few questions and look in your throat, ears, nose, eyes and listen to your heart beat. Well, let’s get started.”

I don’t like this guy at all, I don’t know him and I don’t want him looking at my body. But I loved my life and I want it back.

I will be calm and controlled for the doctor. He grabs a stethoscope and reaches up my shirt, I have a sudden instinct to resist, but I remembered to stay calm and controlled.

“That’s funny,” he says “Its six beats too fast.”

I can only imagine what this makes my dad think.

“On to the ears,” the doctor says in a confused tone. He grabs a little tool and puts it in my ear. It is hurting. Calm and controlled, calm and controlled I remind myself. “The only thing wrong is a small clog in the left ear drum. Have you been noticing hearing difficulties?” he asks.
I have been hearing fine. “No.”

“Oh, that’s funny,” he states as if he wanted me to go deaf. “Onto the eyes.” He changes the head of his tool and shines a light in my eye. I am not ready for the flash and almost yelp in pain. Calm and controlled.

“Oh, a jump,” He says “have bright lights been bothering you lately?”

The truth is, I haven’t turned my bedroom light on since my first fever, I just let in the natural light. “Yes.”

I look over to my dad who has a concerned look in his face; I smile at him, he smiles back. The doctor is writing something down on his clipboard. I really want to know what it is. All that is left are my throat, nose, and the questions; if I am calm and controlled I will be okay. He grabs his tongue depressor and reaches for my throat. All it took was one look; he dropped his tool and reached for his phone. Dialing at the speed of light I could tell that whatever I had was serious business.

“We have another.”

Another what, I wonder. He says something about what he saw in my throat, I don’t know what he said exactly.

“How long?”
Until what, I don’t know. He rests the phone on his shoulder and asks my dad , “How long has this been going on?”

It’s been going on for about two weeks, but my dad has thought it would get better on its own but it didn’t so we finally called Doctor Sing.
“About two weeks,” my dad replies.

“Two weeks” the doctor says to the phone. “Oh that’s it?” He sounds sorry for me. “Thank you.” He hung up the phone and said’ “There is no easy way to put this.” When you hear these words any where you know it’s not going to be good. “Kai, you have had tuberculosis for two weeks and only have 10 days left to live.”

I have so many questions to ask but I have a limited time and have to make the most of it, so I keep my mouth shut.

“Mr. Strong, I am sorry for the news but I must be going now.”

My dad hands him the money and walks him out the door. Once the door is closed he walks up to me and says “I am sorry I didn’t call sooner. This is my entire fault, and if there is anything you want, I will get it for you.” I know it’s not his fault, but I don’t have time for his sob story. I grab my note pad and start writing. A while later, I hand it to my dad and walked off to my room. Moments later he comes in and says “Okay, where do we start?” I wrote down ten things I have always wanted to do on the paper, now I get to do them all.

The first thing we did was go for a picnic in the pasture. We talked about things that didn’t bring up my tuberculosis. It was very nice out; I can’t believe we had never gone on a picnic before considering I have lived my whole life on the farm. Later I laid down for bed and couldn’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Days of fun had passed; I was awoken by a sound of tears when I remembered that today is day 10. I walked out to the kitchen confidently, my dad turned around and wiped his tears away and smiled. I smiled back of course, anything to make him happy. After eating our breakfast, we walked across our farm, fallowed the road, all the way to the goat herder. I have always wanted a goat. Our farm is mostly crop; we don’t have time to care for animals. I looked at all of the goats and my dad said,

“Which one do you want?” These words surprised me, I wanted just to see a goat, I have always wanted one, I wanted just to die surrounded by the magnificent creatures.

“But, why now? I won’t have it for long.” I brought it up trying not to think about my near fate.

“I know Kai, I know. But which one is your friend?”

I have never known what it is like to have a friend because I was home-schooled. But there is one goat that I have had an instant connection with, the lonely one in the corner. My finger instinctively pointed to her. My dad took out his near empty wallet and bought the expensive nanny.

We were walking home with her when I felt very nauseous.

“Is everything ok?” my dad asked.

“No,” I said, falling to the ground. I never thought about how dying would feel, I thought you would just go. You don’t, you lay there feeling a bit of loss and panic.

“What’s her name” My dad asked.

“Sweetie.” I said. My dad always calls me sweetie so now he can call his new friend sweetie too.