Why can't I fit in? Every night, that's one of the questions that run through my mind. Why do I have to be here, why don't people like me, why do my parent ignore me? When my parent do talk to me, it's just to yell at me for doing something wrong. They call me the mistake child, the one they never wanted, and still don't want. It's no better when I get to school. I'm teased, called fat, ugly, stalker, etc. I have no friends to help me, no one want to even sit with me. I don't know why God made me, probably to make my life crap and watch me suffer.

When I get up in the morning, I have nothing to look forward to. No friends to laugh with, I can't even remember the last time I laughed. I barely have enough energy to get up and out of bed in the morning. I feel numb to everything, the only thing that does hurt me is the words and names I'm called everyday, all day. I starve myself, I cut I isolate myself, if that's even possible considering I don't have any friends as it is. Being the center of attention is not my thing at all, but I don't like being at the bottom of the food chain either. Kaitlyn Meyers is my main bully, she started it, and has never stopped ever since my freshman year in high school, and now I'm a senior.

The worst part is coming home to a stressful day of bullying, and having my parent there to either ignore me, hit me, or yell at me. When I get to the safety of my room, I take out the blade that I have in my bathroom and start to make bloody lines on my wrist. I then take one sleeping pill and go to sleep. I used to always think that sleep would relieve me. But now I know that it's filled with terrors of me sitting in a corner and everyone I know slowly walking towards me, with knives in their hands. Then I wake up all sweaty and crying. I want to go to my parents room and cuddle with them, like I did when I was little and they actually loved me.

Everyday the cycle starts all over again. You start to get used to it, until something changes. For example someone moved to my school, they helped me at the beginning of the day. By lunch though, they knew my story. They became just another bully I had to deal with, and I couldn't do anything about it. That is except one thing, but I don't want to get to that solution just yet. So I just try to get through everyday. I fall behind in almost all my classes, and have no talent whatsoever. That one of the reasons my parent treat me the way they do. I have always wished there was at least one person in the world who cared about me, who loved me, and who would do anything to put a smile on my face and a laugh out of my mouth.

In every persons life, there has been a long list of why's. Why this, why that. People will always ask the question why. Sometimes there will be an answer, but others there may be just silence. The world is a complicated place, and is hard to understand. There will always be reasons to why things happen the way they did. It may not be fair, but it still happened. You just have wait and see why those things happened. They may not have been who you wanted it to be with, or when you wanted it to be with. Life is like a winding, long road, and the only way to reach the end is to be strong and push through. There may be hills to climb, or mountains to move. But in the end you will make it no matter what.