I glance at my watch: 3:07am. Thirteen minutes left until I jump.

“Dibs on the front seat,” I called as I ran to the car.

I take a step closer to the edge of the bridge.

“Hey!” Olivia exclaimed, “It’s my turn today.”

I squeeze my eyes and ears shut, trying to block out the surfacing memory; the details of the night where everything changed. It was hopeless. I didn’t even know why I was doing it. I had tried blocking out this memory for a year now and I hadn’t succeeded.

“No,” I laughed, getting into the front of the car.

I look down. I can see the river rushing wildly below me. Its dark water awaiting me.

“Fine,” Olivia sighed, getting into the back. I turned around smiling. My older sister had let me win.

The forceful wind blows my hair into my face as I take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. It is almost time.

“Turn up the volume!” Olivia requested from the back. One of our favourite songs was playing and we all sang along, even our mother.
The cold winter air penetrates my skin, making me shiver, but I don’t care. Nothing matters anymore apart from finally get rid of the guilt that I have been fighting with since the night of the accident.

Suddenly, out the corner of my eye I see the headlights of a car coming in our direction.

“WATCH OUT!” Olivia screamed.

I tighten a thick rope around my feet and fasten the other end to a big rock as fast as I can, trying to stop the memory. I don’t want to see it again. I have already seen it too many times.

My mother swerved the car to the left but it was too late. The other car smashed into the back of our car, exactly where Olivia was sitting.
I look at my watch. Two minutes left.

I screamed as the other car dented our car, crushing my sister.

I pick up the rock and peak over it. Thirty seconds left until the time of the accident.

Our car stopped instantly and we were thrust forward. I could hear the back windows shatter into a million pieces. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion.

It is time: exactly one year after the accident. I breathe in, shut my eyes and step over the edge.

I’m so scared. I’m afraid to look at my sister and mother, terrified of what I will find.

I hit the water hard and my feet sting from the impact. The water is freezing and I can already feel my body go numb.

I finally had the courage to look. My mother was slumped against the steering wheel and Olivia was lying on the backseat, her lower body under the car door. She had a big gash on her forehead and her arm was twisted at an unnatural angle. I was too shocked to even scream.

Everything is dark underwater. I can hardly see my hand in front of my face. I am disoriented for a while but I know I am heading towards the bottom of the river because I can feel the rock dragging me down.

I pull out my phone and call the ambulance. Hopefully they will be here soon.

I can feel myself sinking further and further but I am not panicking. I feel very calm.

Within a few minutes I start to hear the sirens of an ambulance. After that my memory becomes blurry. I can only remember being taken to hospital.

All of a sudden my feet touch the pebbles at the bottom of the river. I can hear them knocking against each other and it comforts me.

The doctor comes into my hospital room and says, “I’m sorry Emily. She’s gone but your mother is fine. She will be in here shortly.” Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. All I could think about was that Olivia was dead and I had killed her. If only I had let her sit in the front. It should have been me, I should have been killed not her. It’s all my fault.

My lungs scream for air but I remain calm. I deserve this. It is my fault she is dead and I can’t change that. I look up one last time and then I feel myself slipping out of consciousness. The last thing I can remember is a huge splash from above before everything turns to darkness.