I served 15 years as an army ranger. I loved what I did, it wasn’t the easiest, it didn’t pay the best, and I got injured quite a bit, I got to do what I grew up dreaming to do and a lot of people can’t say that. I also met the two greatest friends in the world, Matt and Jim. We met in basic and got stationed together in Afghanistan, they were the only two people that I could fully trust my life with. I can say that because we had to save each other’s asses on multiple occasions.

After a little less than 15 years every day seemed to become just another day. A very simple routine, wake up, work out, go on patrol, and come back. December 24, 2009 was my 15th year as an army ranger, and it also happened to be my 32nd birthday. On patrol that day matt and Jim made me wear a party hat over my helmet. Since it was my birthday I was taking it pretty easy on patrol, not paying attention as much as I should have. If I had been paying attention I would have realized that we were being watched. Later that day we arrived at a Taliban controlled town. We had noticed they were growing in numbers rapidly so we were going to pass through to see if the threat was large enough to launch an attack the next week. It was.

That Taliban scout who had been watching us alerted that town before we got there and they were waiting. As soon as we stepped foot in there all hell broke loose. Now we took ten people out that day and in the first five minutes of fighting three were dead. We tried calling in reinforcements or air support but they said nothing was available. Four dead. Five dead. We started to run low on ammo. But they just kept coming. Six dead. Seven dead. It was just me, matt, and Jim left. Jim needed ammo and broke cover to come to me and matt. He got shot in the leg and fell, the next bullet went through his head. Eight dead. Air support was finally available we heard the helicopters coming. I also heard a RPG, we both dive to the ground and the wall behind us explodes. The last thing I remember is looking over to matt and seeing both his legs gone. I woke up in a helicopter with matt right next to me I look up to the medic who was over him and he just shakes his head. Nine dead.

I have to live my life everyday knowing that if I had been paying attention, and doing what I was supposed to do my friends would still be alive. I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s hard to live with PTSD because all I can do is remember and all I want to do is forget. A light flickers I cringe, I hear a loud noise I duck. I have to hide in the basement and blast music on the Fourth of July and the New Year because if I hear an explosion I get sent back to that day and I see my friends getting killed right in front of me over and over. Every single one of those men who died that day were more deserving to be alive now than I ever will be. My two best friends both died right in front of me. I saw the life leave their bodies. I saw each of them take their last breath. And that is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. Ten dead.