Hindsight
“Time to get up!” Nick shouted through the door to Jackie’s room. The smell of burnt coffee lingered. She emerged with disheveled hair and a frown.
“I guess I shouldn’t be expecting a Starbucks,” She said.
“Just like I don’t expect to be a barista,” he said with a grin. Jackie rolled her eyes and poured herself a cup of coffee.
“New York rent is expensive, maybe it wouldn’t hurt to learn how to make a decent cup of coffee,” she said.
“There are other jobs, I’m sure.”
“Speaking of jobs, I have to get back for work on Monday,” she said. “But I really don’t want to go back yet.” She looked at Nick from the corner of her eye.
“Believe me, I know,” he whispered. He looked at her and gave a sheepish smile.

These next few months would be the last few months he would really have with Jackie before moving away. He was just finally achieving his dream of moving to New York City, and everyone knew that his love for the city would only mean that he would never come back. Jackie on the other hand was going in the opposite direction. The West coast meant a hazy compilation of long days in the sun and sand. Nick pictured her biking down piers with her long hair blowing behind her, which the sea salt air sculpted into delicate waves. Sarah hadn’t come up once, during the whole drive. He could tell that Jackie felt terrible, by the urgency in her voice when she’d asked him if he wanted to go camping. Nick wasn’t feeling anything towards the situation, except for maybe a bit of guilt over the way that Sarah found out. In a way, though, he thought, the timing was perfect. School was over and he had the summer to make amends while keeping his distance. Time healed everything, he told himself, and in time Jackie would see that. Even so, she hadn’t expressed anything other than the desire to be friends. At least he had that.

Just hours earlier they had been on the run. The car windows were open the whole way to the country house. The car climbed the steep hills and brushed the overgrown plants that were moving onto the path. Finally the truck stopped and Nick pulled the key out of ignition. He sighed and closed his eyes, finally far away from all of the trouble he’d caused. He looked over to see that the passenger seat was empty and that Jackie was already gone, running into the house.

Nick reclined in the old leather chair in the middle of the living room, as he’d done every summer he spent here with Jackie and her family. Jackie, as usual, was running around the ancient house gathering a variety of things she thought would be useful for camping, but really weren’t. He took a moment to breath, to bask in the sunlight streaming through windowpanes. Other than the natural light, the room was dark with its wood paneling and sinister looking old family heirlooms. He remembered staying up late with piles of blankets, a bowl of ever so slightly burnt popcorn and Jackie by his side as they tried to stay awake while watching horror movies. He could never keep his eyes open during the scary parts; instead he peered through the cracks between his interlaced fingers, constantly asking Jackie if the scene was over. Jackie walked over to where Nick was sitting and opened the window, and immediately the room was filled with the sound of rustling leaves.
“So are we going on this hike or not?” Jackie asked, her hand placed decisively on her hip as she waited for his response.
“You’re sure? You’re not too mad at me, still?” he asked.
“I wouldn’t have asked you to drive me if I didn’t want to see your face, Nick,” She said, “We need to talk about this.”
“Alright then the sooner we get there the better,” Nick said, sighing heavily. Jackie smiled, and then the smile vanished as suddenly as it had appeared.
“And then you’ll talk to Sarah and figure things out and apologize and it’ll all be good again.” She said, trying to convince herself more than anything else.

They sat around the fire and Jackie looked up to see that night had snuck up around her shoulders. She watched Nick reach over the fire to warm his hands. There was no way to tell the time, since their phones were dead and their wrists were unburdened by watches. Out here, she thought, you can actually see the stars. There was no noise except for the fire’s slow crackling and the crunch of twigs and leaves beneath Nick’s feet. Jackie was still unsure why she’d come up here. At the time the desire to get away was stronger than anything else. None of her apologies had meant anything, she’d lost her best friend, and yet she couldn’t even bring herself to be mad at Nick. She wondered what it meant to be grown up. She felt responsible for Sarah’s tears, she should have known. Nick picked up his old guitar and started strumming a gentle tune. Neither had ever heard it before but it sounded familiar. Hours passed as he created variations of the made up song and Jackie watched the fire begin to die.

Jackie sat with her knees up on the swinging bench. The porch was lit by a lantern hanging by the screen door that separated her from her friends. Inside the house was a loud and messy crew of recent high school graduates, eager to kick their last summer together with a bang. The bright lights and the walls pounding from the music gave Jackie a headache, so she retreated to her usual spot, where only a sliver of the light from the house was setting the porch slightly aglow. A red cup sat in her hands as she gazed cooly off into the distance. She squinted and the slight rays of light began to change their dimensions as her eyesight became blurrier and her thought process became slower. The door swung open with a groan and Nick tumbled out of the house, both hands holding drinks. Jackie remained seating, bemused at his inability to walk the short distance to the old wooden bench. Frustrated he sat down, propped up against the shingles of the house like a ragdoll. His eyes closed and he smiled. He shot her a dreamy smile and walked on all fours to where she was.
“Jackie. You have no clue, huh?” He asked. His failed attempt at enunciation made her laugh.
“About what?” Feeling slightly taken aback she sat up straighter.
“Do you even realize how long it’s been since we’ve met?”
“A long time, I’m sure,” she laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“12 years, is it?” He asked more himself than he was asking her. “Well anyway…” his voice trailed off as the moth flying dangerously close to the glow of the lantern caught his attention. Jackie snapped her fingers to bring him back to earth. “Ah, well it’s not going to be pretty, you know.”
“I don’t care. Just tell me already,” she said.
“It’s not a coincidence that I think I’ve also been in love with you for the past 12 years,” with each word that escaped his lips his head hung lower until his voice became muffled. With amazing speed he downed the contents of the drinks. Jackie blinked and did the Nicke. Nick pulled himself up onto the bench where they could see each other eye to eye. Grabbing her hands in his he leaned forward and kissed them. All Jackie could do was watch in horror as time seemed to slow down during the next chain of events. The door swung again once more, and out stepped a girl who was on par with Nick’s level of drunkenness, but at the sight of Nick’s embrace her face became distorted with shock. There, Sarah stood for seconds that felt like hours before running back into the house, the metal door banging several times behind her. Nick slowly turned his head around, before seeing Jackie’s horrified expression and realizing what had just happened. His mouth opened, but nothing came out.
“What are you doing just sitting there?” She hissed, “Go after her!” She saw a hint of fear in his eyes. Lifting her foot to kick him off, he scrambled off the bench and rushed off into the house. Alone, Jackie let out a deep sigh. Her hands were cold and shaking as she rubbed her temples. With just a moment’s hesitation she stood up and ran down the porch steps before going off in the direction of her house. The streets were silent, only the gentle scuffing of her boots on the sidewalk. The moon sat low in the sky, reflecting its full self off of the windshields of the cars lining the street. A cool breeze floated by, sending a shiver down her back. The walk was considerable, and she hadn’t intended on returning home by foot. Before the whole mess began she was simply riding in Nick’s car on the way to his girlfriend’s and her best friend’s party. It made sense to her, at least then. The past 12 years had elicited no hint of what he told her that evening. Her family moved into the house next door to his, and back then Sarah’s as well. All three became best friends, all growing up together in the suburbs, as idyllic as ever. High school happened, and Jackie remembered sitting next to Sarah in chemistry while she gushed about her newly developed crush on Nick in freshman year. Sophomore and Junior years were spent in on and off periods of dropping hints. It wasn’t until Sarah reached senior year and realized there was only so much time that she was forced to do something. Jackie pushed her to do it anyway. She was so confident that they were right for each other, and they were, at least for a while. Jackie spent hours with Sarah while she attempted to decode every text, every moment she sensed Nick was drifting away. Jackie had no clue of course that there was anything to substantiate the claim, until the fateful evening where liquid courage pushed Nick into realizing that this was in fact true.