“You’re nothing but a mistake I made sixteen years ago with your dead beat mother!” My father yells. After mom left six months ago, my father went downhill. All I hear from the time I walk through the door until he falls asleep is “Haley, get out here and make me a line!” I have become his personal slave to boss around. I do everything that he asks me to do because I’m always hoping that it will keep him from leaving me bruised and beat, but I just keep getting my hopes up. The scent of whiskey is so bad that I end up having to hold my breath and hope I don’t run out of air while he’s yelling in my face. I’ve done everything he asks of me so I’m retreating to my bedroom. I’m begging that my father just falls asleep tonight. I personally don’t like falling asleep and having to start a new day ever since mom left. My father’s new addiction to cocaine has made my life a lot harder as well. The kids at school don’t treat me any better than he does, but at least they don’t touch me.

It a cold morning outside and I’m the only one in the house. I have fifteen minutes before school starts so I must hurry and get ready. The walk to school was freezing but I made it to school with five minutes to go to my locker and be on time to class. It’s kind of weird that their so many kids in the hallway when it so close to class starting. I didn’t think about it at the time but I realize now once I open my locker. White powder flew out, landing all over me and the floor. My entire locker was filled with flour and it was on everything. Everyone was laughing and I knew that it was going to be a bad day. I missed my first two classes because the janitor wasn’t allowing me to leave until the flour was cleaned up.
The walk to my third hour was miserable for me. As I walked down the hallway I could hear my classmate yelling things directed at me. “Crack baby!” and “Spaz freak” are their favorite things to say. I try not to let it bother me but after dealing with it for almost six months, I’ve kind of gotten tired of it. The worst part is that all the kids that bully me are in my third hour so English is the worse. Today needs to just get over so I can go home and crawl into bed. I don’t want to deal with anyone today. Oh no, Mr. Samuel’s is looking at me, he must of asked me something. “What was the question?” I ask. For the rest of the class period I got yelled at for not paying attention. Thank goodness that class is almost over. As the bell rang I was walking out of the class when a group of girls came up to me and said exactly what finally sent me over the edge. “You will never be anything in life but a crack baby. Why don’t you just go kill yourself? The world would be so much better without you walking around in it.” I finally broke and knew what I need to do. I hurried out of school and ran toward home.
I knew my father wasn’t home yet so I didn’t have to worry about him. Once I got to my house, I went straight to the bathroom. I found myself standing in front of the mirror. I see my reflection and I hate what I see. I can’t stand to look at who I have become. I use to feel actually pretty but now I’m so bruised that I see nothing but ugliness. I never used to think about just ending it when I was younger. I was always such a happy little girl. I know if I open the bathroom cabinet there is a bottle of hydrocodone. It a slow way to do it but maybe it can take away most of the pain. I begin to swallow the entire bottle and now I’m just waiting. I locked the door so no one can see me start to fade away. I made my way to the bathtub, wobbling the whole way. I curl up in a ball as I lay in the bathtub waiting. My eyes are starting to get harder to keep open but I forgot something. I forgot to write a note and I can’t get paper and a pen now. I notice a small razor my father hid at the edge of the tub. I reach for it and the thought came to my mind that I can use it to write a note. I know I must carve deep to get enough blood. As I look up at the ceiling, I pressed down. My arm was numb already from the hydrocodone so I couldn’t feel a thing. I see the mess I made and I’m glad that I am lying in the tub and not on the floor. I touch my finger gently into the blood and began to write.
Dear Daddy,

I’m sorry I was just a mistake to you. I never meant to make you mad, I always tried my hardest to make you proud and see you smile. The kids at school haven’t been nice to me either but it’s just because they have low self-esteem. I don’t blame them or you for what happened. I should have been stronger and kept fighting but Daddy, I was too tired to keep going. Please get help with your addiction. Don’t worry about me because I’m in a better place and will be very happy. I’m starting to fade but just know that I’m not afraid to die. Be safe Daddy.







I love you Daddy,








Hailey