It feels like a seizure. Why am I shaking? My body, the imperfect thing I’ve learned to love, becoming an earthquake. I feel nauseous. Everything’s blurry, a smeared painting. This is a terrifying feeling, but that’s exactly why I did it. I am addicted. I love how it makes me feel, not knowing when it will be over I soak up all of the power it gives me. I run with the spirits feeling love and warmth, all the while knowing it’s killing me. It takes me to another world away from shouting, judgement, and violence. Everything’s perfect once again. I stop and stare at a tree, the tall beautiful thing that houses so many creatures, it smiles at me and I wave. This feeling is so indescribably flawless. I fall back against the grass, Mother Nature’s soft pillow, and pluck some out of the ground. The grass is screaming out at me “MURDERER!” Suddenly my perfect world is melting before me. I try to run home but I feel something grab my arm. I try to break free but it has me, the tree that once smiled was attacking me. I scream out but nobody is around to hear me. I finally break free tearing a hole in my shirt, the one my late grandmother had given me. The world is black, my happiness had vanished, my shaking had increased, the world was spotted in blood. I stepped in what i had thought was a rain puddle from the recent storm, but it had transformed into a pool of blood. I’m horrified but I can’t even scream. I’m stumbling backwards. “Where am I?” I don’t know anything my mind is jumbled. I look to see if there’s somebody I can ask but all I see is the angry tree still grasping a patch of fabric from my shirt. I slowly piece things together and I find my way home, the place I will be safe. When I walk inside I see all of my family sitting in a circle they all look at me with red puffy eyes and a worrisome expression. My brother greets me with “We all love you but this has to stop.”