Decisions.

In the 16 years, nine months and 13 days she's been alive, there wasn't much that's helped her reach her decision. Is it braver to stick to what you know, to plant your feet more firmly in your comfort zone, or to drop everything and see what else is out there? There are two obvious extremes for either category, and the one she's most afraid of is regret. Regret that she gave it all up, regret that she didn't take that risk. As far as most teenagers go, she's one of the easier ones to handle. Whenever she thinks of hard drugs, she pictures her brain turning into toxic discolored soup and that's more than enough to reassure her that her gut is right. She's knows that whiskey is for sipping, and only when you're beating your uncles in poker. But maybe this is the one decision where airing on the side of caution isn't the best. But how would she know?

She takes comfort in counting down the exits as she drives along, getting closer and closer to decisions and deadlines, and farther and farther from home. Past mile marker 121, 35 miles to go.

She thinks about the first time she kissed....well, lets call him Mr. Comfort Zone. She thinks about the first time she kissed him, those same butterflies that are still in her belly, as if just they were just waking up from a nap. And that same warm rush of pink floods to her cheeks and she grins to herself.

Mile marker 125, 33 miles to go.

She thinks about how they spent their anniversary. Exploring off the trails at the park where their friends were married just a few months prior. Or how many times he's watched her favorite Disney movies with her when she's had a bad day. When she thinks about all of these memories, all of the things that make him Mr. Comfort Zone, well, any alternative seems frightening and frankly quite stupid. But none the less, there's the voice on her other shoulder asking what else is out there.

Mile marker 128, 28 miles to go.

If she left, if she took the biggest risk at her convenience, the number of new people and new opportunities is exponentially greater than what it is at home. What if who she really truly is lies within one of those opportunities? She wouldn't she know unless she went and found out. There's not as much to think about when you're considering the biggest risk. It's almost entirely unknown. There are no little details to obsess over, which is probably what makes the other option so much harder to let go of. Because every one of those little details are things she thinks about when thinking about her decision. Some of those little details are ones she will love and treasure forever. Some of them are not, but everything has a learning curve, right?

Mile marker 131, 25 miles to go.

She knew that if she didn't take the biggest risk, she could still take big risks. As incredible and gutsy as she wanted, but you know, with the comfort zone on standby, just in case. With the biggest risk, the comfort zone would be more than 3,000 miles away. That's many more mile markers than she'd ever counted in one trip.

Mile marker 135, 21 miles to go.

She thought about the easier stuff, like how it might be to move all of her stuff from one place to another. She'd grown up in the same house almost her entire life, so she diddn't really know what that was like. She thought about her first few grocery shopping trips she would take to fill up her own little kitchen. She thought about what foods she would eat more often, and what she would eat because no ones else was there to say no. Mostly that consisted of juice and more snacking foods, but it's still nice to be the boss. She thought about where the nearest libraries were, and which ones had the comfiest seats and biggest tables to work at. She thought about her complete and total control over what goes where. She thought about trying to find all of her socks when she was packing up before the big move, which would come after making her biggest decision yet. She thought about her dog. And how much she would miss being greeted with sneezes and kisses, and taking naps on the couch together, and how her dog could always cheer her up after a hard day. That part wasn't so easy to think about.

Mile marker 142, 14 miles to go.

She thought about her school. About every friend she had made there. How so many people had smiled and welcomed her on her first day. And how much she loved being one of those smiling people to the next new people. How each person was so drastically different from the next, yet everyone still seemed to be friends. She thought about how much each of her teachers had gotten to know her, and invested their time and hopes and excitement in each of her goals. She was pretty sure that there were other places out there like her school. Even if they're much bigger and farther away, she knew she'd find a way to get there. She thought about her goals.

Mile marker 145, 11 miles to go.

She thought about who she wanted to be. She thought about the impressions she wanted to leave behind, how she wanted to leave each chapter better than it started. She thought about how she hoped people would perceive her. She thought about how she viewed herself. She thought about accomplishments she was proud of, and ones she wanted to add to that list. The things she wanted to add made a lengthy list of their own.

Mile marker 149, seven miles to go.

She realized how close she was getting, and how little time she really had left. She....didn't want to think about how close she was. She didn't want to think about how far she was getting. But she did. Her mind kept flashing images from her memories with Mr. Comfort Zone. Her heart started beating faster, harder in her chest. She bit her lip and gripped the steering wheel to make sure she didn't cry. She thought about every new thing she had done with him, the two of them as a team. And she thought about how many new things she might be able to do if she kissed him and said goodbye for a little while, and maybe took the biggest risk at her availability. Her heart slowed and sank a little, but the voice in her shoulder that was urging her to take that biggest risk was ready to jump out of it's seat.

Mile marker 152. Four... miles... to... go...

She changed into the slower lane. They would be the longest few minutes she might ever experience, but she still needed more time. She pictured herself wrapped in Mr. Comfort Zone's arms, her face nuzzled in the space between his neck and his shoulder, the place where she fit so perfectly. She thought about how scary it was getting this far, feeling this safe with someone. And how safe she felt here now. She could probably do that again....eventually. But that thought made her a bit nauseous. She could probably feel this comfortable in a new place....eventually.

Mile marker 154. Two miles....
She turned into the exit only lane, determined to keep her eyes free of tears, steering wheel firmly gripped in her hands. Her heart was beating fast, in a sort of banging, rib-breaking way. She felt a little nauseous, but she tried not to think. She could tell her hands were shaking, but you couldn't see from her white-knuckled grip.

Exit 156. She signaled, and took her exit. She waited at the traffic lights, drove up the hill, took a right at the yield sign, and another past the fire station. Then a left three blocks down, a right at the round about, and another about a half mile later, down the hill to the drive way. She parked the car, turned off the engine, and unbuckled her seat belt. She took one more big breath as she reached for the door, and stepped outside.

She had reached her destination. She had reached her decision.