Do I?
Why Won't I?
Don’t I?
How have I not?
Should I?
How could I possibly?

These questions are worse than Who, What, Where, When, and Why. They chase around my brain—biting off the answers to one another as they fight for the spot in the forefront of my mind, leaving me with half answers and the same crazy questions.

As they run, jump, fly, and sore through my every waking thought, they trail the left-over, half-eaten answers behind. After suffering them time, and time, and time again I am able to delude myself, fool myself—convince myself—that half answer truths are my reality, and the whole answered truths are my fantasy.

I convince myself that I am not the one who is wrong, but the one wronged! It is the world that is wrong, not me!

How could I – the King, the Queen, the Supreme Ruler of this world, the Dictator, and the Jester! –how could I possibly be the one who is wrong?

I am all that is right! I am all that is good! I am! I am! I am….Something? Nothing? EVERYTHING!! I am everything…and nothing all at once.
But these fighting questions make me unsteady on my throne, my pedestal, my fools block held high and balanced upon the heads of others; balanced on the heads of those beneath me.

Before I know it I am falling, I am falling, I AM FALLING! I fall left and right, and up and down, and side to side, and to the Earth, and into outer space!

And now…now I am lost. But I am here, so I am found. Then I leave, so am I gone?

I am confused…
I do not know what is happening around me to me because of me!

“I am nothing!” they say and yell to my ears. The people of this world…they throw my from me thrown, calling me crazy, unsteady, delusional. They say that I am no longer fit to rule this world that I created!

They trample me and beat me down with fist and foot until I am nothing more than a bloody mess at the foot of the thrown. Then, they feed on my failler despair pain and memories of joy until I truly am nothing.

Now I stand upright but inside out and backwards, and those in my whole-truthed fantasy say: I am right. I am normal. I am sane. I am perfectly okay. Those whole-truthed fantasy people say all these things telling me it will be okay and that everything will turn out just fine without once seeing or feeling the war I am fighting in my half-truth reality.

Now thrown from reality I am confused and truly unsteady. My self-courage lying crushed under the feet of those who rejected me, hate me, fear me, fight me. I am left lying here with less than half answers and the same crazy questions in my warring mind.

As I wake morning after morning I see that I have lost, but I do not know who it is that has won.

All I know are four white walls and one white door trapping me in this white, white room, cell, prison, home and these eight personalities crammed into all the cranes and nooks of my head as they fight amongst themselves leaving me to clean up the aftermath that is this broken and crippled body, now tied and chained in onto itself on the floor of a white walled room.

My arms are bound around me crippling me even more than my mind already has. And the people here half-truth or whole truthed I do not know who they are! But they take care of me, feeding my colorful pills as though they are air, food, water, and life.

These rainbow candies shoved down my throat make me forget my war ravished mind and body. They clear away broken questions with unfinished answers I used to know.

These pills mix and twist my half-truth reality with my full truthed fantasy until I know nothing of their individuality. Those beautifully addicting forget-me-not pills leave me sitting and bound in a distant white walled room while on looking guards shake their shaven heads in disgust.

Here I will rot, lost in my mind. Oblivious to the world that has thrown me to the side while I am lost in worlds that no longer exist. My ignorance and inability to understand leave me, abandon me, forget me to a completely consuming mind eating, body eroding, bliss of forget-me-not nonsense.