We stood on the porch leaning over the railing, not quite knowing what to do. Something definitely had to be done, but no one could come up with a good enough idea. Jack took his cap off and wiped his sweat with his forearm. Bobby jumped from foot to foot in a restless dance. It was only May, but I could feel those little pools of sweat collecting in the bottom of my shirt. Paul sighed heavily from the rocking chair and stared into the bottom of his empty beer bottle.

“Well we have to do something soon,” he said gruffly. “Because if someone doesn’t see it, they’re definitely gonna smell it.” We nodded in agreement.

I swung my legs up and down. From my perch on the railing I had a clear view of it. Early this morning, when he’d discovered it, Paul had had the decent sense to drag it to the kiddie pool on our lawn, out of sight for the street. But now it was just sitting there. Since then, we hadn’t come up with any ideas. We couldn’t just throw it into the trash- surely the stink would get people’s attention. We couldn’t tell anyone, especially not the college or the campus police. They’d just think it was something we did. We’d probably all get arrested or thrown out or something. They always blamed the frat houses for the crimes on campus, particularly ours.

After a few more minutes of silence, Bobby and Paul went back inside. “Jack and Tim can deal,” they’d said, and now we were stuck. We couldn’t very well go in without a plan, but neither of us could think of anything.

“Jesus Christ!” Jack shouted. “I’m a freaking Poli-Sci major, not an accident clean-up man!”

“Keep your voice down,” I whispered.

“Oh shut the hell up, man. You got any bright ideas?”

I didn’t, so I just kept my mouth shut. I rolled my eyes and turned away from him.

“Yeah that’s what I thought.”

He went on rambling about how “freaking unfair” it was that we were expected to solve this issue. I pointed out that we did have the best looking grades in the house, but that just made him angry.

“You’re pissing me off man!” he shouted, and whipped his shirt at me before jumping off the porch. He walked over to the pool, the grass crunching under his feet. Then he just stood there, staring down at it. He even kicked the side of the pool a little with his foot- it jiggled. I sighed and jumped off of the railing, ploddingly making my way over to stand beside him.

“Don’t just look at it Jack,” I muttered, “that’s too weird.” He bumped my arm.

“Doesn’t it kinda seem like it’s looking at us? Like it knows we’re here deciding it’s fate or whatever?”

“I guess so,” I mumbled. I wished Paul had closed its eyes this morning. I would have reached down and done it myself, but the thought alone of touching it made me gag. I considered asking Jack to do it, but I didn’t want to encourage him to touch the thing. I knew he’d try to do something stupid like make it talk. Jack was never the most sensitive of souls.

Paul was right. It was really starting to smell, and it was only about noon. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like by night time. It’s a wonder how much trouble things can be, especially when they’re dead. I wished it would just come back to life and run away. Jack gave my arm another bump.

“Hey man, we really gotta do something about this though.” I nodded my agreement and looked around the street. It was empty. All the other frats had gone down to the lake to swim. I wished I had gone too and didn’t have to deal with this stupid thing but-

But wait!

“The lake.”

“What?” Jack asked. I gave him a shove.

“Help me drag the pool to the back yard.”

“What? Why?”

“I’ll tell you in a minute, just do it.”

Jack took the front and I took the back, and we moved as quickly as we could. We pushed it under the bushes along the backside of our house. It would be completely invisible there. I ran back to the front and bounded up the porch steps with Jack hard on my heels. I burst into the kitchen. Bobby was asleep with his head on the table, and Paul was throwing pretzel sticks into his puffy curls. There were a few sticks poking out. Jack slammed his hand down hard on the table, and Bobby raised his head with a jolt.

“Get up, man, I think Tim’s got an idea or something,” he said. Bobby groaned and shook the snacks from his hair. Paul looked skeptically at me.

“Timmy’s got a widdle idea?” he teased. I glared back at him.

“Well it’s not like anyone else does.”

“Fine, alright,” Paul said, throwing up his hands in mock defense. “So what is this marvelous idea?”

“The lake,” I said. “We can take it down to the lake. We have to wait until nighttime obviously, but me and Jack dragged the pool into the bushes out back so it should be out of sight all day.”

Bobby smiled encouragingly. “Yeah!” he said, “that’ll totally work!” Jack nodded too, but Paul looked unimpressed.

“You want us to take it to the lake? We’ll have to drag it through the whole freaking city!” He threw his remaining pretzels at my face, and I flinched away. He walked over, slapped the back of my head, and stalked upstairs. “We’ll get caught, dumbasses! You’re all a bunch of freaking idiots!” he shouted down. I rubbed my head and looked over to Bobby. He was smiling.

“Hey man, it’s not really that bad an idea. We just hafta put it in a bag or something, right? Wait ‘til it’s real dark? Piece of cake!” He stood and gave me an encouraging punch to the arm.

“Yeah,” Jack said. “Paul’s just being a prick. I mean at least you have and idea, right?”

Their words made me feel a little better. We could probably bring Paul around somehow. And if not, the body wasn’t that big. We could probably bring it down just the three of us. I voiced this to the other guys and they agreed.


Franklin County University’s mascot was a Great Dane, and I don’t really know why, but everyone on campus and most of the people in the city looked up to these things like gods or something. The school’s athletic department owned several and paraded them around at various sports events. If you were caught mistreating one, you could serve jail time. The penalty for abusing a human was less severe. A few weeks ago, one of the dogs had gone missing. The school assumed it was just some stupid prank, and that the dog would be returned soon with rude sayings painted or shaved into its fur. That kind of thing happened like once a year. But this morning, there it had been, lying dead and blood-soaked on the middle of our front lawn. Two bullet holes in the abdomen. I didn’t even want to imagine the penalty for shooting a Great Dane. Twice.


The day passed slowly and uncomfortably. I spent most of it trying to unstick my clothes from myself. I think Jack spent all of it in front of the window fan with his arms out. Every once and a while he’d try to get my attention by yelling about being a bird or something. Mostly I ignored him. We all ignored each other.

It was about one in the morning when Paul finally came downstairs. Bobby and Jack were playing jenga with a stack of beer cans, and I was on my laptop. Paul grabbed it out of my hands and threw it onto the sofa.

“Come on, ladies,” he barked. “We doing this or what?”

“Easy, Princess,” Bobby whispered. He stared intently at the stack as he pulled out a can. Paul moved over in a few quick strides and kicked the tower down. Bobby and Jack both shouted their protests.

“What the hell man? What’s your problem?”

“Don’t be such a drama queen! We would’ve been done in a minute!”

Paul ignored them and walked back over to me. He leaned down right in my face and sneered. I tried to hold my ground, but I flinched away and he let out a contemptuous chuckle.
“Pansy.”

He grabbed a large trash bag from under the kitchen sink and walked outside, commanding us to follow. We pulled the kiddie pool out from the bushes and all stood over it. It reeked, so much worse than before. Bobby held his nose and made a retching sound. I didn’t know how the hell we were going to make it down to the lake without being caught. Paul ordered Jack to put it in the bag, but he was only too eager.

“Aye aye, captain,” he said, giving a little salute. Then he bent down and began shoving it in. The squelching noises were horrible, and I had to turn away. “All done!” Jack chimed after a while, and I turned back to look.

“Uh Jacky,” Bobby whispered. “There’s a leg poking out…”

Jack looked down, noticed it, and just broke it in half, stuffing it into the bag with a crunch. I vomited.

Jack leaned down into the kiddie pool and stroked three fingers through the murky blood. He drew fat lines under his eyes. “Put on your war paint, boys,” he growled, and I vomited again.



“Lone Ranger to Home Base, Lone Ranger to Home Base! We’re all clear on the eastern front!”

“Shut the hell up, Jack,” Bobby hissed. “And that’s south.”

Bobby, Paul, and I were carrying the bag, and Jack was the lookout. We had made it through campus no problem, but the city was another story. The college may go to sleep on a Sunday night, but our city had a strong nightlife. I was terrified of getting caught, and I think the others must have been too, even if they didn’t show it. Except maybe Jack. Jack was entirely too excited by the whole thing. It was like he got some sick thrill out of it. I could see the fire in his eyes and his twitching fingers. There were nervous sweat stains down all our backs, but somehow I don’t think Jack’s was for nerves. He really got off on this crap. He was jumping around and humming spy music. Part of me wanted to kick him in the teeth, but mostly I just wanted to be at home.

Jack glanced around another building and held his hand up, signaling we should wait. After a few moments he rolled out into the street and yelled, “All clear!” The rest of us dashed out, crossed the road, dodged the garbage cans, and hid behind the dumpster in the dark alley. Jack danced around in the street singing the theme from James Bond with his fingers in a gun shape.

“Jack get the hell out of sight!” Paul snapped, and Jack slunk over, still singing.

We put the thing down for a minute to rest. It must have been two hundred pounds or more, and it was really destroying my back. Bobby started patting the dumpster’s side.

“You know I don’t know why we can’t just throw it in here,” he said, and Paul smacked the back of his head.

“Don’t be so stupid, are you kidding? They’d find it in like three seconds, and we’d be kicked out. Or dead.”

“Alright, Jesus!” Bobby cried, and pushed him back. Paul threw a punch and missed. Bobby went running at him, grabbing his midsection, and pulling him to the ground. I glanced around nervously. This really was not the time, and they were making too much noise. Jack broke them up, but not before a few good hits were landed.

Great, I thought, now we look totally inconspicuous. Bobby was bleeding from his lip, and a bruise was forming under Paul’s right eye. They wiped themselves off and looked angrily at each other, and at Jack and me.

Jack walked over to the bag and lifted it up all by himself. He turned back to us. “Ladies , please,” he said, “can we continue with our mission?” Then suddenly around the corner, I could hear sirens and see the reflection of distant blue and red lights.

“Uh… guys,” I stuttered.

“S***!” Jack shouted, and Bobby repeated it. “S***! S***!” He threw the bag into the dumpster and dove in after it. The rest of us followed suit, but I couldn’t get up.

“Tim, you’re such a pansy!” Paul shouted down at me. He pushed my fingers off of the rim, and I fell down into the cans. They crashed and clanged, and a cacophony poured out of the alleyway. I could hear the cops getting out of their car and calling things to each other. I scrambled up as quickly as I could.

“Bobby! Jack! Help me!” I cried, but they were silent and unmoving. I jumped up and grabbed hold again.“Please,” I whimpered, but they said nothing. Then Paul poked his head up. He looked me right in the eyes and pulled the cover down on the dumpster. It smashed my fingers, and I let out a bloodcurdling scream. I fell to the ground in a heap, staring in disbelief at my hands. The fingers were crushed and bleeding profusely. The cops rounded the corner and turned their flashlight upon me. I looked blankly up, not really seeing them.

“Jesus!” one shouted. “That kid’s bleeding like hell!” They ran over to me, dodging the cans, and one knelt by my side. “Hey!” he yelled, right in my ear, but his other words seemed to fade away. My hearing dissolved into a faded buzz, like a million tiny insects were circling my head. The edges of my vision began to darken as well. The last thing I heard was the word “hospital” and a police siren wailing. I had the vague sense of being carried. I’m not sure what else.


I was discharged unceremoniously late the next afternoon. I was alone the whole time. I knew Paul would never dignify me with a visit, but I had hoped to see Jack, or at least Bobby. I trudged up the hill thinking. They knew. They had to have known where I was being taken, but they didn’t check to see if I was alright. I guessed I should have expected it, but I don’t think anything could have made that realization any less of a blow. I bet myself that I would walk up the stupid front steps onto that stupid porch and open the stupid door to find the three jackasses just sitting playing cards.

“Where you been, Timmy?” Jack would say.

“Nice fingers,” Paul would say.

I stopped in my tracks. I was about halfway to the house, but suddenly I didn’t want to be there. Not just now- I never wanted to be there again. I turned on my heel and stalked back into town.

For a while I just wandered around fuming. I tried to think of things to say to them- things to do to them- but nothing good popped into my head. After a while, I found myself in front of the police station, and I decided to go in. I wanted to thank the officers who had helped me the night before. I didn’t know their names, but I figured they might remember me. I walked up to the front desk and told the woman what I wanted. She smiled sympathetically and told me to sit down; she would try to find the officers in question. I sat still for a bit, listening to the hum of activity, but then something caught my attention.

“Did you hear about those kids last night?” one of the men behind me was saying.

“No, what happened?” said another.

“They got caught down near the docks with this body bag type thing.”

“Jesus, no kidding?”

“Yeah! These stupid kids were hauling some dead dog down from the college. A Great Dane no less! Had ideas of dumping it in the lake.”

The other man scoffed, not really believing. They went on to speculate the punishment for the culprits. They would definitely be getting some severe penalties for their actions. Right then, they were apparently sitting in a cell. One seemed to be enjoying it.

I looked into my lap and smiled- the kind of smile that Norman Bates might have been proud of. I stood abruptly and strolled out of the station. On my way out, I told the woman at the desk simply to send my thanks to the officers, and that I had something more pressing to do now. I walked leisurely up the hill to our house, planning my revenge as I went. They were in jail. They were in jail and they might stay there to rot. How perfect was that? I only hoped my idea would work.

When I reached the house, I bounded up the stairs two at a time. I made my way to the kitchen and looked carefully at the list on the fridge. It was crowded with phone numbers of the members of the house. I decided on Paul first. I picked out his number easily and typed in into the phone. While it rang, I whistled merrily.

A tired “Hello?” finally came through the other end.

“Hi, Mrs. Phillips?” I chimed.

“Yes,” she said. “This is she.”

“I think you might be interested in where your son is right now…”