Mallory pulled on her dress in one quick motion over her skinny body. Many brides starve themselves in the weeks leading up to their wedding so that they can fit into their gown, but Mallory had been starving herself for the past few years, so it wasn’t much of an adjustment. I reached out to help her when her zipper stuck, before I remembered there was no point. She tugged at it until it finally worked.

“Yoohoo!” Our mother knocked on the dressing room door. “Sweetie, unlock the door.”

“Oh, honey, that dress is perfect!” Mom stood behind Mal and looked into the mirror. “Though I do wish you had gone with the one with sleeves. They concealed your scrawny arms a lot better. But too late now, I guess.” She chuckled.

I was almost glad that I had never gotten the chance to be the butt of her constant criticisms—even the biggest micromanagers don’t pick on their pre-schoolers too much.

Mal’s jaw tightened at her mother’s comment. “How is Zack doing?”

“Drunk.”

“Is he nervous?”

“Who can tell? He’s had a beer in his hand all day.” Mother pursed her lips. “People are beginning to arrive. I should go make small talk. Do you need anything?” Mal shook her head.

“Okay. You know I love you. I wish your sister was here to see this joyous day. I wish your sister had been here for a lot of things…” she trailed off. “But I’m sure she’s watching you right now.” Mother reached up to kiss her on the head.

As the door closed, Mal began to rifle around in her purse. She pulled out a pill calendar, the kind with compartments for pills for every day of the week. Mal opened up all the boxes and dumped the contents into her hand.

“Mal. Mal, what are you doing?” I knew she couldn’t hear me.

She stared at the pills in her hand, sucking in deep breaths. Her hand shook and pills fell to the ground. She suddenly pulled back and opened her fingers, so that the green and blue capsules flowed like sand through her hands. Mal stared at herself in the mirror for a long time; her formerly perfect bun had fallen out and hung in wet strands around her flushed face.

What was that? I wondered, and wished I had spent more time on Earth. She’s my little sister, I should have watched her better. Even if I had, though, how could I have helped? She can’t hear me.

Mal tucked her hair back and powdered her face. “Joyous day, today will be a joyous day…” she muttered. “Nothing bad will happen today, today is supposed to be a joyous day. You’re cool, Mal, you’re cool.”

Sweat was dripping down her face, her concealer coming with it. A bruise on her temple blossomed, and another one under her eye.

Where did those come from?

Mallory quickly brushed powder all over her face.


Out in the reception hall, relatives and friends were milling about.

“…beautiful day for a wedding…”

“…never met him but Sheila said he’s absolutely loaded…”

“..shame she couldn’t be here for this…”

It’s fascinating to see my whole family at one time like this. I’ve come down for a bat mitzvah or Thanksgiving here and there, but rarely are both sides of the family in one building. I notice how much my cousins Amy and Stacy look alike, how tired Aunt Esther looks—probably explained by the toddler hanging off her skirt.

It’s hard to see all the things I’ll never experience. I’ll never get to play with my new cousin, I’ll never get to hang out with Amy and Stacy. I can’t ask Mallory what the hell is going on with her. This is why I don’t come down very often—too many ghosts of what could’ve been.

“All right, all right everybody! Please start making your way to the pews!” Father gestured towards the doors.

I should go check on the groom.


Zack slouched on a chair in his dressing room, pants unbuttoned, beer can open. I wanted to smack it out of his hand. You should not be, or need to be, drunk right now. This should be the happiest day of your life. Damn it. I dislike this guy already.

“Zack, buddy, it’s time. You need to get in place. Is your belt on?” Zack’s father called from outside the room.

“Yes, Dad, I’m not a child.” He crushed the beer can in his hand. “I just gotta use the bathroom, I’ll be there soon.”



Mallory sat hunched over, with her head behind her legs. I’m going to puke, I’m going to puke, I’m going to puke. She stood up shakily and made her way to the door. I’m going to puke, I’m going to puke, I’m going to puke…

I watched helplessly as she opened the door and walked straight into her fiancé.

“Zack!” she gasped, her nausea forgotten.

“Hey, babe.” He sauntered over to her. “I guess this is bad luck, me seeing you in your dress before we get married.”

You seeing me in my dress is the least of my problems right now. “I sure hope not.”


Zack chuckled, the scent of beer tickling her nose and making her eyes water. “Hey, no tears today, okay?” The words that would’ve sounded loving from anyone else sounded threatening coming from him.

“Okay,” she snuffled. “We should both go.”

“See you soon, babe. I love you.”

Mallory said nothing in return and walked away.


By most accounts, it was a beautiful ceremony. The groom’s eyes lit up when he saw his bride, the bride cried (tears of joy, obviously) and their vows were heartwarming.
After the ceremony, Mallory and Zack’s relatives came up to them and gushed about how happy they were sure they would be, and how it was clearly a relationship to last through the ages. Zack squeezed Mal closer to him with every comment.


I was so distracted by the swell of emotions in the room that I barely noticed Mallory quietly excuse herself to her dressing room. She jogged through the hallways, tripping over her dress and even tearing it a bit in the front. Mal didn’t quite notice or care when her shoe fell off in the middle of the hallway.

In her dressing room, Mal dropped to the ground, searching for something. She ran her hands all over the floor, desperate to find… her pills. She plucked them up from the floor, one by one, and cradled them in her hand. Her breathing was labored, and she raised her hand slowly to her mouth.

“Mal, don’t do this, please don’t, drop them, Mal, please,” I begged. To my shock, she looked up and around. Her eyes landed on mine. “Mal?”

In one quick motion, she tossed all the pills into her mouth and swallowed hard. “See you soon, Rosie.”

I wanted to run and get Mom, like Mallory did for me when I fell out of that tree in our yard. Her screams didn’t help then, and my screams certainly won’t help now.

Mallory slumped over and her eyes fluttered, then closed entirely.



A few minutes later, Mother knocked on the door. “Mallory? Is everything okay? You’ve been in there a while.” She paused waiting for a reply. “I’m coming in, okay?”

We didn’t stick around to watch her reaction; Mal’s not used to that kind of thing, and she’d had a rough day. We went on a walk instead.

“So do you just hang out all day?” she asked.

“Not on Earth. Hardly ever, anyway. I’m glad I did today, though. Otherwise you might not have ever found me. The directory system in the after life is horrible.”

Mal looked over her shoulder, even though we were far from the church. “Rosie? Will Mom and Dad be okay?”

No. Of course they won’t. They had their hearts broken like this once, I don’t know how they’ll get through it again. “Not soon, but probably some day. It’s too late now, anyway, so there’s no point in worrying about it. You’re here to stay.”

Mal looked at her wedding ring. “I’m okay with that.”