Hidden Disgust

I sit across the table watching him. His every move, his every breath. Every fiber in my being cringes at his presence. I hide my disgust only for the safe-keeping of our friendship. He was a monster, the monster my best friend was in love with. I had always been confident in her decisions and never doubted the strong-willed, independent, and opinionated girl I had become so close to in such a short amount of time.

The lunch room is in full commotion, conversations buzzing. But all the noise is drowned out at our table by the repulsive scene happening before my eyes.

“Ah! No! Stop! That’s my ticklish spot!” She giggled and blushed as he grabbed at her waist and pinched gently, before he pulled her in for a small kiss. I rolled my eyes, not so subtlely as I took another angry bite of my sandwich. There PDA was getting more nausiating by the second.

“Hey, you wanna know something? I love you.” He smiled batting his long eyelashes.
Gag. Love? What a bunch of bullshit.
I had always thought of her friend as someone who could hold her ground and never let anyone get the best of her. But he had. He had gotten her. He manipulated her into believing he was someone he truly wasn't. Someone with good intentions and someone that could protect her. But the truth is he was none of that, and I felt as if I was the only one who could see through his falsity.
All he was capable of was causing pain. Everywhere he went he caused pain for his own amusement. He’d sit idly by as he’d watch the lies he’d told spin out of control. He twisted words and toyed with people’s emotions as if they were his puppets and he were their master, my friend being the star of his show. He constantly filled her with more anxiety than she could amount and yet she always forgave him. Why would she always forgive him? Time after time he had hurt her and still she stayed with him. What would it take for her to finally break down and say “enough”? But he was good, he was really good. Good at getting her to forget and overlook his mistakes.
If only she wasn’t so blinded by his large brown innocent looking eyes, his strong bone structure, his rosy cheeks and his witty charm. She could see, she could see what was so apparent to everyone else but her. This boy that nibbled on her neck, who whispered little sweet nothings in her ear, and told her she was the best thing that had happened to him, was nothing but a liar. And maybe she was the best thing to happen to him, but he certainly was not the best thing to happen to her. I couldn't help but notice the subtle yet drastic changes he had brought upon her. The way she spoke a higher pitch, the way she pushed her hair away in a more seductive manner, the way she made her intelligent brain sound dumbed down and uneducated, and, worst of all, the way she stopped being a good friend. Her attention was no longer committed to her friends or even herself, it was entirely committed to him.
We sat in my basement on a late Saturday night, the room was dark except for a small light that sat on a near by table. Several boxes of cookies were scattered throughout the room as the six of us shared the latest drama, while some soft music played in the background. She sat on the busted cream colored couch, wearing his baggy over-worn sweatshirt. She was smiling in a ditzy manner and giggling hysterically.
“Seriously. Answer the question! Have you slept with him yet?” one of the girls persisted. She continued to laugh it off. Watching her be so dismissive of the subject got my stomach churning and I was becoming sick thinking about the two of them together. There was no way they could have had… Because they had only been dating for… And they had discussed this, she had always said she would wait...
My mind raced back and forth. Everything I knew or thought I knew about her seemed to be disintegrating quicker than I could process. Did I really not know her like I thought I did? Was this person sitting before me nothing but a stranger? How could she be so stupid as to fall for him? To throw away everything she believed in and everything she was? Even after all the emotional toll he had taken on her.
Although I fought to hold it back, a small tear slipped from my eye and glided down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away with the back of my hand, trying to not let the other girls see. The room grew silent and finally, she replied to the question,
“No. We haven’t. I’m waiting for the right person to experience that with. And he’s a great person, but he’s not the right person.” I propped my head up and looked toward her. She was looking back at me, smiling as she flashed me a small wink.

In the morning as they were all leaving, she approached me with open arms, figuring it was a typical goodbye, I accepted the hug and was about to break our embrace when she pulled me closer and gently whispered in my ear,
“I’m happy with him. But don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt me. I got this. You’ll never lose me. I promise.” She then placed a small kiss on my cheek before leaving and closing the door behind her.

I sit across the table, watching him. His every move, his every breath. Every fiber in my being cringes at his presence. But this time I hold it in, take a deep breath and look toward my friend who is glowing with happiness. The happiness that makes me hide my disgust.