Entry #1, January 10
Dear Diary Journal Thingy,


Kids in my town say I'm a "freak" or "loser." They're such clichès. My parents say, "Allyssa, you're just creative.", but they're my parents, so they aren't allowed to say anything bad about me. Other adults call me "special" like I don't know what they mean. Being a fifteen year old with an "imaginary" friend isn't a disease. It doesn't make me a "freak", a "loser" or "creative". It just means I have been alive for fifteen years and no one else can see my best friend. My name is Allyssa Thompson. I'm 15 years old and I live in Bulah, Mississippi. It's a small town with a population of 348. Like I said, it's small. I've been homeschooled since first grade and my two best friends are Kat the human and Geoffrey the mouse. No, I don't have a pet rat. He's like one of those friendly mice in the cartoons. No, I'm not schizophrenic. I have an imaginary friend. I have accepted that he's imaginary, but I can't make him go away. Not that I would want to. Who wants to make their best friend suddenly disappear? My other best friend is Kat. She's an outsider too, so we work well together. I'm pretty sure everyone is actually afraid of her because she's the kind of girl who puts up a really tough exterior, but I know she's actually really sweet. Well, my therapist says I should only have to write in you, journal, for two months. His name is Dr. Henley and he's really nice. I've been going to see him for a few years now, since I was twelve.That was the year when my parents decided I wasn't going to grow out of what they call my "imagination" phase. Dr. Henley is really understanding and just talks to me (he was the one who told me to write this journal.) He has never really tried to get rid of Geoffrey like most people have.
Entry #2, January 11

Ok I have big news. So here's what happened at my appointment with Dr. Henley yesterday:
henley: so, allyssa, your parents and i have been talking and we feel that it's in your best interest to start public high school.
me: um ok
henley: we already have you enrolled!
me: oh wow
henley: you start tomorrow!
me: ok sure
Yeah! He told me that I have to start real high school tomorow. That must may be why he wanted me to start this journal thing. I'm sort of dreading it but I guess it will be ok. It's like I'm about to get on a roller coaster, which I guess I am. Kat came over to help me get prepared, so Kat, Geoffrey and I went school supplies shopping, clothes shopping, and got our nails painted (Geoffrey decided not to take part in that.) In Bulah, that means going to Walmart and buying some nail polish at CVS. As the day progressed, Kat gave me many tips to help me survive high school. I'm entering a semester in, but that won't be a problem. I'm going into the 9th grade so I will be with people my age, but I will be a little ahead in my school work (One summer, I decided to get a little ahead in my homeschooling.) I already know everyone in my grade because thats not too hard in a town with 348 people. I've also seen most of the people who will be in my grade at school at church. I'm not particularly churchy though, mostly because the majority of the people in church believe that I'm the devil just because they can't see my friends. Another label people have given me, "Satan." Anyway, my goal is to make as many friends as possible in my first week because it will be the most important. I'm already the weird homeschool girl, so the sooner I can prove that I am just like everyone else, the better. Well, I better get a good night sleep. Good night diary journal thingy, I'll be back tomorrow with a full report on my first day of high school.
Entry #4, January 12
"Woah. I honestly don't know what to think. It was a crazy day. I think instead of describing today, I should do a play by play.
1) I show up and everyone looks at me like some new zoo exhibit, but that’s ok!
2) Then, I met the super nice lady in the front office, Mrs. Cooper I think her name was, and we had an exchange that went down like this:
Me: Hi I'm Alyssa Thompson and I'm here to get my schedule. Oh and this is Geoffrey, he will be with me today.
Her: Oohhhh Allyssa yes. Here it is sweety, have a nice day.
(Doesn't she just seem so nice!)
3) Then Geoffrey and I went to first period, math (honors algebra two). I've always been good at math and I'm ahead of the class, so I figured this would be a good time to make friends. Geoffrey told me he would sit in the back of the class because he didn't want me distracting him. He's not exactly a math wiz so he has to focus a lot harder than me. Kat wasn't in this class because she doesn't care that much in school. At least that's what she tells people. I think she really does try and is just embarrassed. I don't understand why people are embarrassed by grades. Grades are just a number on a page and what really counts is what you know in your head. No one really talked to me during math, but that's ok, cause I bet they were just focusing on their work.
4) Then I went to English. I’m ahead in that class too, so again, I saw it as yet another opportunity to make friends. Geoffrey is really good at English, so he sat next to me. It wasn’t hard to find a seat near me for him. Everybody sat on the other side of the room. I bet a kid just got sick in this desk a little while back. They’ll move back towards me soon enough. Geoffrey was getting really frustrated by English class because the teacher wouldn’t call on him. He doesn’t get that people can’t see him or hear him. But I can and he was a very loud crier during class. It was very disruptive.
5) Then I went to French, Art, and History. Kat was in all of those classes so I talked to her. I also made a lot of friends in those classes! Everyone seems really nice and welcoming.
6) Then, I had lunch. Lunch was fine because I ate with the principal. He does that with all of the new students to get to know them. Of course he knows everyone’s parents but that’s not the same thing.
7) Lastly, I went to study hall where I made two more friends (whose names I can’t remember) and Drama, which was really fun because Geoffery got on stage and danced behind the teacher while she was talking! It was really funny!
At least, all of that’s what I told my parents. I knew that if I made it sound like I made too many friends, my parents would think I was lying. Actually, it was the worst day of my life. In every class no one would sit by me. Even Kat acted like she didn’t know who I was, which is ridiculous because everyone in town know that we’ve been best friends since birth. Everywhere I went there were stares, whispers, and glances. I know I’m like a test rat or a zoo exhibit, but do they have to remind me all the time? I’m going to sleep.
Entry #4 January 14
Dear journal,
I’ve been reading up on depression. The symptoms are feeling empty, which I don’t, feeling anxious, which I do, and feeling guilty, which I don’t. So, I guess I’m not depressed. I must just be very very sad. I’ve never understood people who were very very sad. I always believed that people should see the best in the world, and that whimsy was better than cynicism. At least, that’s what I thought I thought. I guess that I have been very very sad for a very very long time and never known. Every time I would get sad or down, I would just talk to Geoffery and pretend that everything was ok. I can never admit to my sadness though. My parents would just freak. They’re super protective. I could even be on one of those World’s Most Protective Parents reality shows. If I told Dr. Henley, he would just make me talk about how I feel; which right now I don’t just know. Geoffery ran away last night. I know he's not gone forever because I can still feel him there with me. It's really unnerving not having anyone to all to talk to. Kat and I aren't exactly on speaking terms after the whole ignoring me at school thing. It's ok though I've been "sick" since the last time I wrote you. At first my parents didn't believe me and thought I was just having new kid anxiety, which I might be, but I would never admit that. I also have to pretend that Geoffery is still here so my parents don’t worry, which is hard. Pretending to have a pretend friend is just as complicated as it sounds. Anyway, while I've been sitting in the dark binge-watching How I Met Your Mother on Netflix, I've had time to have some profound thoughts about life and my happiness, and some not so profound thoughts. I always thought myself to be more mature than the common teenage girl but we all have our moments. Like, what if I never get asked to a school dance? What if I don't go to college? What if I never get a boyfriend? Before real school, I didn't have to think about these things. It's not like they're pressing issues. Oh well. I decided that I should go ahead and go back to school tomorrow. I guess I can't avoid it forever. Hopefully Geoffery will come back soon. With only two friends, I thought I had hit rock bottom. Sadly, I've proven myself wrong. I've been hoping that this journal would be found when I'm dead and gone and be published into one of those inspiring book turned movies that everyone raves about for about two years and then they all forget about. I guess I'm just too boring (or depressing) for that.
Entry #5 January 15

I went back to school today. It was rough, but bearable. I miss Geoffery a lot. I did have one
conversation with Kat today. It went a little like this:
kat: i thought we could make this work, but im just not so sure anymore. so, yeah.
me: make what work? are you "breaking up" with me?
kat: uh sure, lets put it that way. I just don't think we can be friends anymore.
me: ugh you are such a high school cliché!
kat: what makes you think you are so much better than everyone else!?
me: what? better than everyone else?
kat: yeah! using words like cliché and acting like some fancy english professor who writes their profound thoughts in a journal or diary or whatever it is your doctor at the looney bin has you writing. i always knew you liked being the center of attention. you made up an imaginary friend for pete's sake! you can stop pretending! everyone is talking about you so you don't need to keep up this act.
me: oh really what act exactly?
kat: oh don't play dumb. it may work on everyone else but it doesn't work on me. i know that whole mouse thing became fake after fourth grade. you only kept it up for attention. well you got it. you got what you wanted.
me: you're just jealous because i'm the biggest outcast now. i'm the weird girl now and you can't handle having someone to share the spotlight with. (I know. I know. "It should be with whom to share the spotlight." I was angry) and do you seriously believe that i stay on the outside for attention. no, i would never do that, because unlike you i am not a narcissistic psychopath who would rather be alone and stand out than have friends and blend in! my whole life i wanted to have friends and blend in. i have been alone my whole life, except for you and geoffery. turns out its just geoffery now.
kat: ugh *walks away*

So yeah. I guess that kinda speaks for itself. Geoffery is getting closer. So I think he will be home soon. I really hope he is.
Entry #6 January 17

Update: Kat and I still aren't talking. Geoffery came back today at school. We got into a big fight about how I was getting too sad. That’s apparently why he left. Geoffery has always been the one who fueled my philosophy that the world is best seen through the eyes of those who believe. It doesnt matter what, just as long as they believe. I know this is a little sophisticated for someone my age, but being a homeschooled girl with only two friends, I have a lot of free time on my hands. Even in the three days I spent without Geoffery, I became a regular mopey teenager, something I promised myself I would never be. Apparently, Geoffery was the only thing keeping my spirits high all of these years. Because I was yelling at an imaginary mouse in my pocket during break period, the obligatory beat-up I had been waiting for finally took place. It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. Lets roll the tape:
ruby (aggressor #1): hey! whatcha yelling at mousey?
maycee (aggressor #2): yeah I don't hear anything.
*allyssa sits quietly, ignoring the aggressors by suggestion from her mouse friend.*
ruby: i guess she just doesn't talk to anyone but her rat
maycee: hmm she must need us to get her talk.
*ruby slaps allyssa*
*maycee pulls allyssa's hair*
*both walk away laughing*

Have you ever heard of anything so catty and ignorant in your life? It's crazy. I kind of thought that kind of thing only happened in movies. I mean, I expected some spurt of assault but that was almost too perfectly done.
Entry #7 January 20
Journal,

Absolutely nothing has changed from yesterday. So why write?
Entry #8 January 22

You never really knew me before my life spiraled out of control. So I decided that today would tell you what a normal day would be like about a year ago.
1) wake up sometime before 8:30
2) school (in pjs) for four hours
3) two hours of break/lunch/tv/napping/crafting/ hanging out with Geoffery ect.
4) two more hours of school
5) one hour of singing
6) me time :)

Geoffery and I used to love to sing. We did amazing duets and never got our harmonies wrong. (one good part about having an imaginary duet partner) It was the happiest I've ever been. We haven't sung much lately. Over the last year Geoffery has been running away more and more. He hates it and runs away when I get upset, but I always get more upset when he's not around. It’s a horrible cycle. He's really the only getting me through school. He sits on my desk and encourages me throughout the day. Kat's changed a lot. She's cleaning up her act, becoming more reserved, and making friends. Maybe one day we'll get better, but I know things will never be the same.
Entry #9 January 23

Today, I talked to my parents and Dr. Henley and told them everything that was going down at school. We all agreed it was in my best interest to go back to homeschooling and stop writing in my journal. So I guess this is it. You've seen me in my darkest time, and I'm kind of sad that you never got to see happy me. Maybe you will some day. Maybe I'll be in a better place and pick you back up. Who knows. Maybe one day you will be turned into my profound novel turned movie. Well, adios.




-Allyssa