Hospital Journal | Teen Ink

Hospital Journal

May 23, 2014
By Anonymous

November 13, 2010
I have been told by my doctors to keep a diary. They say this is a way to help me come to terms with this disease. So, here it goes:
Two weeks ago I was in gym class, we were playing kick ball. Johnny Stevens, the class clown, thought it would be funny to kick the ball right at me and he hit me dead center in my stomach. I don’t remember anything until I woke up in the hospital sometime later. When the doctors realized I awoke they filed in and sat my parents down. I didn’t really listen to what they were saying because I felt really groggy, they told my parents and I that I had a rare blood disease. I have an issue with something about platelets and oxygen, I’m not really sure. There’s no cure right now so they’re using me to test all these “new and innovative” drugs, they’re not doing much except making me tired and really sick.
Since they don’t know too much about the disease the doctors asked me to journal about how my typical day goes with this new medicine and they claim it will help me cope with possible death by the time I turn fifteen.

November 15, 2010
I went to school today for the first time since my diagnosis. It was all kind of weird, my teachers all talked to me like I was a four year old and didn’t really ask me to do anything in class. My friends didn’t speak to me too much at lunch, I couldn’t really eat anything because I felt so nauseous. I wasn’t allowed to play any games in gym today and Johnny apologized to me.
These meds make me feel kind of weird, I can’t eat too much, I get tired really easily, and I feel a constant pressure in my chest. I don’t really know what the purpose of the meds is or what’s even wrong with me for God’s sake. My favorite activities recently are sleeping and watching tv.

November 16, 2010
I missed school today, I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning so my mom called the school. They won’t send me work to do so I’m just continuing to journal and watch tv. My mom has been acting weird to me too, she hasn’t been nagging me like she usually does. She lets me do whatever I want and from time to time she’ll come and sit with me on the couch to watch a movie or she’ll bring me some food hoping I’ll eat it. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Today for lunch she made me grilled cheese and tomato soup, I ate about half of the sandwich and a couple spoonfuls of soup and she was satisfied with that.

November 20, 2010
I still haven’t been to school, I’ve been taking constant trips to the doctor and multiple specialists. I was in the hospital three days ago so now they’re all freaking out about my treatments. I woke up in the middle of the night sweating and I went to the bathroom and threw up blood a couple of times then passed out. I’m not too scared of what’s happening because no one will really take the time to break things down for me. Wherever my mom needs me to go, I follow. Whenever the doctors need blood, I sit in the brown cushy chair and hold my arm out. This is becoming quite the exciting routine.
I’m finally home though which is nice. My mom invited some friends over to watch a movie with me and I accidentally fell asleep halfway through.
The school finally sent over my makeup work and my teachers attached notes explaining what needed to be done and expressing their desires for me to get well.

November 21, 2010
It’s Tuesday today and I went to school a half-day. I had to come home after math class because I felt so tired. My friends talked to me a little more normal than before which is nice. After I got home I crawled upstairs and fell asleep for a few hours and woke up and joined my parents for a small dinner.
Overall I’ve been feeling better, more energized, I have a bigger appetite, and only a little bit nauseous.

November 24, 2010
Mom and dad seem somber lately, I’m not sure why. I keep trying to gather more information about what this disease is, but every time I ask they shoot me down! They claim I won’t understand or I won’t be able to handle it. I can guess from that though that my outcome will eventually be death. Mom has been refusing dinner and she’s beginning to look thin, dad’s eyes are dark and droopy. I never asked for any of this but all I want is for things to be normal again…


The author's comments:
This is a journal of a 13 year old girl who was just diagnosed with a rare fatal disease.

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