Black. Black suits, black dresses, all I see is black. Person after person walks up to me saying how sorry they are for my loss. I don’t hear them, I took my hearing aids out about two days ago. But it doesn’t matter if they are sorry or not. Them being sorry doesn’t bring my mom back to life, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m on my own now since my dad left mom and I when I was three, it doesn’t change anything.
My name is Ellie Marino, I’m sixteen years old, average height with dark hair and nothing remarkable about me other than maybe my silver eyes just like my mom’s. Oh, and did I mention that I’m almost completely deaf. This means that I can wear hearing aids to help me hear somewhat, but I’m mostly deaf. I can lip read, and I use American Sign Language (ASL) to communicate.
It all begins with me losing my hearing. When I was three years old I became extremely sick with a high fever and was in the hospital for about a month. I should have died, but instead I walked away just fine other than almost completely losing my hearing. This is also what caused my dad to leave. I guess he just couldn’t handle having a deaf girl as a daughter.
Last year my mom went to the doctor for a routine check-up. Everything’s normal, right? Wrong! They noticed her heart was beating irregularly and decided to run some test. What they found was a stage four cancer tumor in her lungs and cancer cells that had spread to her heart.
About a month after being diagnosed she went into surgery and they got most of the tumor out. They started her on chemo not long after that. She was on chemo for about eight months until it stopped working. They basically decided to give up last month.
That’s when I purchased my plane ticket to Florence, Italy. The last known location of one cowardly, childish Leo Marino, also known as my dad.
I had decided that if something were to happen to my mom I was going to at least try to find my dad. Even though I didn’t really want to he is still my dad. I know what you are thinking right about now, “Really Ellie you just found out your mom is terminal and you’re planning a vacation to Italy?” And, yes I am because that’s what mom wanted. She might not have exactly remembered this little fact considering she said this while still on the drugs the doctors gave her for her surgery, but she said that if she were to kick the bucket she wanted me to at least try to reconnect with my dad.

****
I pack my single bag and catch a cab to the airport. “There’s no going back now.” , I think to myself as I climb out of the cab and look  at the looming building that is the airport in front of me

****
As I walk off the plane it hits me like a brick wall. I’m really here in Italy, my mom is really dead, I’m really going to try to find my jerk of a dad who walked out on mom and I.
It’s total chaos in the airport and even though I’m perfectly fine with the fact that I’m deaf, this is one one those times I wish I had my hearing back. It’s more confusing to me here than anywhere else since I can’t lip read Italian and I doubt that anyone in the airport speaks ASL.
I walk up to the customer service counter and pull up the notepad app on my phone and type out “Hi. Do you speak english?” and switch the language setting to Italian.When I show the woman my phone she nods her head and starts talking in english so I quickly type out “Do you know of anyone you could call who speaks American Sign Language?”. She gives me a confused look so I type that I’m deaf and she nods understandingly in reply.SHe holds up he first finger as if to say “Hold on” and walks away. When she comes back she writes out that she made a call and an interpreter, who speaks ASL, English, and Italian, is on her way. I nod in thanks.
“Hi. It’s nice to meet you.” she signs
The interpreter’s name is Amy. She’s in her late twenties, average height,with blonde hair, and silvery blue eyes. You have no idea what it felt like to be able to sign to her and have her understand me! It’s like when you are in a room full of people who all speak different languages and you finally find the one person who speaks the same language as you.
“Why are you here without an interpreter?”, Amy signs to me.
“It’s a really long story”, I sign back with a sigh.
“That’s okay, you can tell me if or when you feel like it.” I can already tell Amy and I are going to get along just fine.
We make our way out of the airport and into the busy streets of Florence. “Where to?”, she asks as she hails a cab for us.
“Hotel Lorenzo il Magnifico,” I reply “It was the cheapest one I could find.” I sign when she gives me a quizzical look.
“Okay.” she signs back with a shrug and tells the driver where to go.
“As soon as we get to the hotel I’m going straight to sleep! This time zone change is killing me!” I sign. This gets a laugh out of her.
“Can I at least get an idea of what all we will be doing over the next few days?” she asks.
“Looking for my dad.” I say.
“Well that shouldn’t be too hard,” she replies, “Right?” she adds when she sees me roll my eyes.
“Well, I only know his name, that as of ten years ago he lived here in Florence, oh, and I have a ten year old picture of him.”
“Oh. Well that changes things a little doesn’t it? Where’s your mom anyway?”
And that’s how Amy got to hear my life story.
****
“God! How many Leo Marinos can there possibly be in Florence!” I sign as angrily as possible so she understands my frustration.
Amy laughs, “Quite a few apparently. But it is a common name. Plus we have only been at it for two days. I’m sure we will find something soon. Maybe we should take a break though and get something to eat.”
I smile and nod. It’s amazing how we have only known eachother for a couple of days and this woman already knows how to deal with me when I get angry and frustrated. She has helped me so much these past few days there is no way I can ever repay her.
As we get seated by the hostess I sign to Amy what I want to drink and head to the restroom.
When I get back I’m looking over the menu when the waitress comes to take our order but I don’t notice. She must have been yelling at me for a few good minutes because I notice her when I feel everyone in the restaurant staring me. Have I mentioned that I’M DEAF! It’s so embarrassing when things like that happen. Usually mom would kick me under the table or something, but mom isn’t here anymore I remind myself.
I quickly sign to Amy what I want to order and she tells the waitress. As the waitress walks away I see her mutter something so I ask Amy what she said.
“She said ‘Stupid deaf americans!’” Amy signs to me. I drop my head into my hands. I’m so embarrassed!
I don’t lift my head until Amy kicks me under the table. I’m expecting to see our rude waitress but instead I get one of the biggest shocks. A man who looks almost exactly like the picture of my dad I have but older, and he’s talking to me. At first I sit there dumbfounded, but then I realize he’s speaking English so I start lip reading what he’s saying.
“Diane.” he keeps repeating over and over again breathless with this look on his face like he’s just seen a ghost. I realize he must be thinking I’m my mom, but I’m not. At first I don’t see how he could possibly mistake me for her because she always said I look more like my dad than her, except for my eyes I think coming to the realization that that’s what made him think I’m my mom.
I shake my head, “My name is Ellie” I say aloud, it’s the first time I have spoken aloud since mom died. “My mom’s name was Diane though.” It kills me saying ‘was’.
“What do you mean ‘Diane was her name’?” he asks
“Tell me who you are first.” I say defensively .
“My name is Leo, Leo Marino.”
I look at him in complete and total shock and disbelief. When I finally pull myself back together I say, “Hi dad.”
He smiles this sad smile at me and repeats his question, “What do you mean Diane ‘was’ her name?”
“Mom past away last week from cancer.” I say sadly, “she had cancer for almost a year before she lost her fight to it. But, you would have known that if you had stuck around.” I add bitterly.
But he doesn’t hear my snarky retort because after I say that mom is dead he starts crying. He pulls me to him and into a bone crushing hug. I feel his lips moving against my hair  but I don’t know what he’s trying to say because I can’t see his face. I try to pull away enough that I can lip read what he’s saying but he just pulls me tighter, until I finally choke out “I can tell you are saying something but I can’t tell what you are saying unless I can see your lips.”
He pulls away and now I know he’s apologizing for leaving mom and I. He’s trying to explain that he just got scared when the doctors told him about my hearing loss. He’s especially sorry for not being there when we really needed him. He’s just so sorry.

****
When I first decided to come here I was dead set that I wasn’t going to forgive him for what he did to us, that no matter what he said it wouldn’t change my mind. But looking into his eyes now I see that he really means what he is telling me. I see the hurt he’s feeling for mom, I see how much he cares about her and I, I see the disappointment he has for himself that he wasn’t there for us, but most importantly I see the truth in his words. Maybe that’s what makes me decide to stay with him for a couple of months before I head back to the U.S. I still can’t say for sure. I’m still skeptical that this will work out between us but I’m going to at least give it and him a chance, if not for him or me then for mom.