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Shattered Thoughts
I look at you, almost as if I’m looking at myself. You mirror my motions and my emotions. You have a slight grin though, as I do not. You call me ugly. I brush it off as if it meant nothing, when deep down it hurt. You say no one likes me. My eyes begin to flow with tears but I will not let her see me cry. I can’t look broken. I must mend my broken pieces together so she thinks I am whole. I smile slightly towards her and she stops smiling. I feel like I am looking at a reverse reflection of myself. I smile, she frowns. I frown, she smiles. She hurt me, and I didn’t know how much longer I could hold back my tears. Then she became mean and quickly. “You’re a worthless piece of nothing! You mean nothing to the world! You’re not going to stop world hunger or find a cure for cancer! Half the people at your school don’t even know you exist! Do your teachers even know your name?!” My eyes began to overflow with tears now and there was no way I could hold back any longer. She hurt me. I am no longer whole, she breaks me into a million pieces and I have nothing to help me back together. Love won’t help because no one really knows what love is. Friends won’t help because I can never tell who is a true friend anymore. They’re all fake in my eyes. Family won’t help, they think they know what it’s like to be in my position because they were my age before? Yeah maybe they were 15 but that was years ago and things have changed. Society has grown to be crueler than the devil. You are not accepted unless you “fit in”. But what does “fitting in” even mean anymore? Being anorexic and act dumb? She yells at me more, saying stuff that kills me even more inside. “You don’t fit in, and you never will fit in. Because… well just look at yourself.” I look at myself in the mirror and suddenly all my flaws become visible. My insecurities are now under a spotlight where I can see them perfectly. Just like everyone else can see them perfectly. “I CAN’T HANDLE IT!” I scream as I throw a punch, that is when I realized… I am looking at myself in a mirror. A shattered mirror with my now shattered thoughts. My thoughts have gotten to my head. Society isn’t killing me, I am. I am killing myself. My shattered thoughts… my shattered thoughts. My hand bleeds from the broken glass that my thoughts also shattered. I am filled with shattered thoughts.
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