Freefalling I began to reconsider…Strange since I was so sure a few seconds ago. I continued descending uncontrollably and began flailing my arms in a futile effort to stop or at least slow the plunge back to earth. I found solace in that my life wasn’t flashing before my eyes, yet this ironically sparked personal reflection. I remembered my first time in a gymnastics gym watching Sadie, my sister, practice, my first time on the trampoline at Ms. Banks’ gym, and the first time I nailed a front somersault with two and a half twists. I had begun gymnastics as such a young age, yet had progressed to national recognition and ranking by the age of sixteen, following in Sadie’s footsteps. I was seventeen years old now and was under immense pressure. For the last four years, while other neighborhood kids went to school together on the bus and came back home to play in the street or go to sleepovers and parties, I led an utterly disparate life. I spent my mornings practicing and refining my technique and core skills before a tutoring session midday. Later in the day, I partake in evening strength training and a guided workout where I practice new maneuvers in a harnessed and controlled environment. It was the March following my sixteenth birthday when I slipped into a slump.
I suddenly became unmotivated and difficult. I was tired of the routine, same people day by day, and lack of normality. Imagine how frustrating it must be having your understanding of the status quo be based upon your distant observations of the real world and the TV shows and movies you watch. I thought slushies were just as common to throw at people as footballs were and that high schoolers randomly broke out into song and flash mob danced during lunchtime. My solemn behavior made my teammates quickly separate themselves from me, leaving me further isolated in a time of confusing seclusion. It was not until shortly after Lia’s arrival at the gym that I returned to my old self. The other girls were immediately jealous when she walked through the front doors, a bitterness that grew stronger when they saw her in her leotard. Likely due to her flowing blonde hair, olive skin, and the fact that the guys’ attention, including my own, turned from them to her instantly, there was an elephant of tension crowding the room. She walked with a humble shyness, spoke with an angelic and modulated voice, and observed with a concealed grace. During the morning briefing, she was introduced. We all learned that she is a floor specialist and after only a half hour of practice, we learned that she flips, runs, and dances with uninhibited gusto. The other girls’ resentment was short-lived and lasted only a few days once they saw that Lia is a true competitor, a strong addition to the team, and an overall agreeable, diligent, and dynamic individual. I was immediately attracted to her, not only due to her physique and beauty, but also due to her contagious positive attitude and down-to-earth personality. Within a few weeks of her arrival, I had regained my competitive edge and was dedicated to my trampoline and getting to know her.
As Lia also arrived early to every morning training, we got to know each other at a quick rate. Similar to the beginnings of many relationships, after a couple months, we both knew that a future relationship was looming on the horizon, but were unsure how close the horizon was. After four months of spending hours in the same building training and competing, I gathered the courage to ask her out on a date. We had just finished a team run and were catching our breath when I said, “I don’t want to make things weird between us, but I was wondering if you wanted to go get dinner and see a movie this Friday?” She stared at me for a few moments reading my face to see if I was serious. After a solid ten seconds, she smiled and replied, “That sounds like fun. Do you have a movie in mind?” “D-----…” I thought, “I should have thought further ahead.” I answered hesitantly, “I thought we could go see a movie of your choice and that I would choose the restaurant.” She responded back, “Sounds good, I’ll look and see what movies look good. Did you choose a restaurant?” I stared blankly into her eyes and thought to myself again, “D-----…I should’ve thought further ahead.”
There was a lot of unnecessary anticipation which ended up making the endeavor overrated before it even occurred. The worst of it all was that the first date was uneventful! I expressed remorse later in bed that night when I realized that the problem was that there was no true difference between the date we had that night versus the dinner and movie we had previously gone to as friends. I was ashamed, especially after seeing Lia’s visible disappointment. It was then that I decided that I needed to step it up next time…if there was a next time. Thankfully, there was. The following week after practice ended early, I drove her to a resort restaurant up in the mountains. It was perfect. Finally being in an intimate environment, an experience that we had not yet shared, we clicked. Our conversation strayed from our teammates, coaches, and gymnastics to our families and passions. Lia opened up suddenly, “I know I said I have one sibling, but I actually sort of had two others.” “Really?” I quietly replied with as much sincerity as I could muster. Lia continued, “When I was eight, my older brother and I were begging for another sibling and inspired my parents to try. They did and my mom shortly after was pregnant and ended up being so with twins.” I sat silently with a sense of inquisitiveness anticipating the story’s turn for the worst. Lia took my silence as a social hint to keep talking. She said solemnly, “At eight months, my mom got extremely sick and had a miscarriage. I knew from then on that there was no way my mom could deal with the process of having another child whether that was through pregnancy or adoption. Sooo yeah, it’s just me, my parents, and my big bro…” she finished. I could tell from her disposition that she felt some remorse for putting me in this awkward position. After a few moments passed, I spoke, “I cannot imagine the kind of pain that you and your family had to deal with.” She acknowledged my words and I transitioned the conversation to expose a personal vulnerability, “About three years ago, my parents and I were celebrating my high competition score when I nailed a double salto Randy at regionals. I drove home with my mom to shower and my dad was so proud of me that he stopped at the nearest A&W to get milkshakes for the fam. After ordering from the drive-thru, he apparently went toward the first window to pay. Out of nowhere, a man walked next to his car with a hammer and hit my dad in the head through the already opened window, grabbed his wallet, and ran off. The drive-thru attendant called 911 and shortly after, he was whisked away to the hospital. We got the call and my mom and I rushed to meet him at the hospital. When we saw him, the bleeding had stopped, but his eye was swollen. He looked confused and lost, even more so when we sat down next to his hospital bed. My dad suffered from extreme memory loss and still does so today. It took 8 months and 3 days for him to recall who my mom, sister, and I are…I honestly think that we had just been so present during those 8 months that he just trusted us to be his family. We spent the years following trying to rebuild memories, events, and people in his brain. He was unable to go back to work since he did not have the capacity to remember his job, coworkers, or clients so it was decided that he would take a leave of absence until we knew his capabilities.” I stopped looking down at the flickering candle on the table and looked up to see a rattled Lia. I realized that I had been venting for an extremely long time and felt bad for putting Lia’s prior story to “sympathetic shame”. Lia sat there with wide eyes and a face that showed no contempt. She reached across the table and took my hand with a supportive smile of compassion. When our hands unlatched and fingers uncurled, I thought about how nice she smelled and how I didn’t feel the sorrow I thought I would by opening up to her. It was then that I understood that this was no ordinary girl. Given the somber mood, we agreed to talk about more positive things for the rest of the night, but were both glad that we each displayed some sort of vulnerability as it brought us closer. The conversation seemed to take on a life of its own from there. We discussed our travels, hobbies, favorite activities on a lazy day, favorite songs, and dreams. I learned that after retiring from gymnastics, Lia wants to travel the world as a motivational speaker and start a charity to make an impact in order to end world hunger. Lia learned that although I dabbled and have competed in the men’s floor routine that I cannot dance…leading to her laughing and interestingly thinking about her mom always saying that opposites attract. After a fantastic dinner that was a complete turnaround from our last date, we got back in the car and planned to head a bit further up the mountain to go do some stargazing. As I drove up the icy road, Lia suddenly leaned over and gently wrapped her hand around my neck. I pulled to the side of the road and stopped just as she began to pull my head close and kiss me. I was surprised and mesmerized by her soft lips, cherry chapstick, and warm hand pulling me closer. As she pulled away slowly, I opened my eyes and saw how blue and perfect hers are. I put the car back in drive and headed up the mountain to cap off the night perfectly.
The following months were difficult but manageable. With men’s and women’s competitions being in different places at the same time, Lia and I did not get to see each other as often as we would have preferred. Sometimes there were even two-week gaps since she would often compete on the west coast while I would fly to the east. Despite this, we always texted, called, skyped, FaceTimed, all of that fun stuff. Our distance has little effect on the emotional side of the relationship which was probably for the better. Other than the lack of seeing each other, things for both of us slowly got better and progressively better. She kept medaling bronze and silver and finally qualified to compete in the World Championships in Glasgow, Great Britain. About a month later, after a perfect set of routines and a personal high competition score, I qualified too and we were both heading to Glasgow that October. Despite the long hours of practice and the extensive tape time watching our competition, our free time was spent together. Constantly as we laid on my couch binge-watching after a long day of practice did I realized that her presence and role in my life was the reason the championship was not making me overly anxious. I kiss her head and sat back and fell asleep.
Worlds seemed to creep up rapidly but I was prepared and not overwhelmed. I was ranked in a comfortable position in the top ten and felt confident that I could place in the top five. The only part that was a bummer was that I was competing immediately before Lia, yet she was at a different gym arena than me so we would not have the chance to see each other compete. I warmed up as normal and finally when it was my turn, I nailed every maneuver. I had the second highest final score in the first round so I moved on to the second round. There suddenly went from twenty-four gymnasts in the trampoline bracket, to ten. Round by round I felt like I was competing and observing from outside my own body. I jumped effortlessly and spun in all directions in a fury of excellence. I maintained second place through the following two rounds, meaning there was only one left. No matter what, I would end up on the podium. In the final round, I faltered on my landing which caused me to lose a few precious points. The rest of the event flashed before my eyes and the next thing I remembered was standing on the second step of the podium receiving a silver medal. I soaked it all in and realized after a short interview with an ESPN arena-side reporter, I rushed to shower and left for Lia’s competition. I arrived just as the second round was finishing. I noticed she was ranked fourth as I sat down in the players’ area. As I stared intently at the floor where her routine would take place, I was surrounded suddenly by female gymnasts’ intent on congratulating me for my medal. I heard on the speakers Lia’s music begin and through the crowd of girls, confirmed that Lia’s routine was beginning. I stood up to get a better view. Suddenly, as Lia began running the floor to get momentum for her flips, a female gymnast kissed me unexpectedly. I pulled away as Lia was spinning and locked eyes with me. Stunned seeing the girl kissing me, she pulled out of her flip and fell hard on her neck, laying there limp. I ran out to her aid and arrived just as the medics did. Her eyes slowly opened and the medics immediately began asking her questions. She stared blankly, it was a stare I was too familiar with. I teared up as I said, “Lia?” She looked back at me into my eyes and responded, “What, who is Lia?” I broke. I couldn’t deal with another person going through this.
She was immediately brought to the hospital and the after weeks of analysis, her family was informed that she suffered from extreme memory loss. Every time I walked into her hospital room and sat beside her bed, she suddenly got restless and angry but was too confused to know why. Finally, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I walked to the Glasgow Bridge, sat on the ledge and jumped. My phone began to ring and the caller ID was a picture of Lia. Freefalling, I began to reconsider.