“I used to think I liked myself, but then I realized I was just using me to get to someone else.” The poster read hung up on the wall of the coffee shop. There’s hundreds of quotes and paintings with quotes hung up all over the walls. Some of them funny, others inspirational. Nadia walks over with the coffee cups in hand and places them on the table. I watch Nadia take a sip of her coffee and glare over to the door.
“She won’t be here for another 10 minutes.”
‘What?” I questioned, confused.
“Carter you’ve been staring down the door ever since we got here, you thought I didn’t notice?”
I didn’t even realize what I had been doing until she mentioned it. I didn’t really know why I was so anxious to meet Nadia’s cousin, but I know that I’ve never been good at meeting new people. My social anxiety always got in the way when it came to making new friends and meeting new people. Although I did have a good amount of friends, I know more than anyone that those friendships were brought up on pure luck. I found that the older I grew, the harder it became to make friends and meet girls. Sometimes I blamed himself and other times I blamed my social anxiety. I took a sip of my coffee that was still hot enough to slightly burn my tongue. I felt a small tingle on my tongue and dropped the coffee cup on the table. I looked up and noticed Nadia looking at me with a suspicious look on her face.
“Are you okay? If you’re not feeling well we can do a rain check?”
“No, no. I’m fine, honestly.” I blurt out.
She stares at me studying me to see if i’m telling the truth. Her eyes glance towards the door and light up instantly.
“Ok, good cause here she comes!”
I suddenly feel a big lump in my throat as I see Camila walking in the coffee shop. She’s beautiful, with long black hair and big brown eyes. Nadia stands up to hug Camila and introduced us to each other.
“Hi! Nice to meet you, I’ve heard so much about you!” She says.
I tell myself to breathe and remain as calm as possible.
“You too! All good things I hope.” I manage to say.
I felt a sense of relief that I said something normal.
We all stayed at the coffee shop until they closed just talking. She was so easy to talk to, like I’ve known her for years. It brought a warm feeling to my heart. Very few people like her still exist in the world. So genuine and thoroughly listens to every word you say with complete focus. The attention she gives you is as if you are the only thing that matters in the world. We all went back to Nadia’s house to watch a documentary she wanted us to watch. It was about these American college students who go to Guatemala to experience the life of extreme poverty and living off a dollar every day. It was immensely eye opening and insightful. Camila offered to take me home after the documentary finished. I don’t live far from Nadia’s house, but she saved me from walking in the cold. I’m not the type of person to share personal information about myself but for some reason, with Camila it felt right. I began telling her about my current struggle with depression. She instantly made me feel it was the right decision to tell her about it. She hugged me for what felt like forever but in a good way. Camila began to tell me about a few of her friends that have dealt with depression and how she was always there to help them whenever they needed anything. We stayed in her car talking for another hour about my struggle with depression and I let out everything I’ve been needing to say for a long time. It felt like a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders when I finished. Camila thanked me for being so open and brave enough to tell her that. She suggested that I consider getting professional help because one of her friends did and it helped immensely. She also assured me that she would be there for me if I needed anything. We exchanged numbers and said goodbye. As I walked into my house, I couldn’t believe the fact that I just met the most amazing girl. I thought about her all night until I finally fell asleep.
The next day, I woke up and went downstairs to find my mom making breakfast. I thought  I’d talk to her about going to therapy. I haven’t told my mom that I am depressed but I think she has pretty much figured it out herself but is scared to confront me about it. We ate in silence until I brought up Camila. I only told her a little about her because my mom always asks questions.
“I’ve never seen you talk about a girl like that.” She says smiling.
“How?” I say.
“With such passion in your eyes.”
I didn’t doubt it. I knew she was a special girl that deserves to be spoken of with passion.
“She’s different.”
Meanwhile we continued to eat, I decided I’d save the therapy talk for another day. I knew if I brought it up today, the conversation would involve too many questions from my mom I wouldn’t really know how to answer. I cleaned up the kitchen and went back to my room. I saw I had a message from Camila and quickly opened the message. “Lunch at the cafe today at 1pm?” She said. “See you there.” I replied. I got into the shower so I could go to the library before I met Camila for lunch. I’m usually able to clear my mind whenever I shower and sometimes I shower just to get things off my mind. But today I couldn’t get Camila out of my head and I wasn’t complaining. I got dressed and told my mom I was going out and that I’d be back before dinner. Every Sunday is family night so as long as I have good grades and show up to family night, my family doesn’t worry much about me. I headed out and drove to the library. Sometimes when I drive, I’m not focused at all. Often times, I don’t know how I got to my destination. My doctor told me the medicine he prescribed me would cause me to feel spaced out. It always feels more than just spaced out. Many times it feels as if I am out of my body and it scares the living hell out of me. Thats another reason why I considered Camila’s advice about therapy so I can learn to control the side effects and my mind. I thought I’d go to the library and get a book about depression and therapy. I stayed at the library for almost an hour reading the books. I took the one about therapy because that’s what I’m most curious about. 

After weeks of talking about therapy to Camila and Nadia, I finally told my mom about my depression and my decision to get professional help. She started bawling when I told her because she wished that I would have told her sooner to get help. That same day, we called a therapist whose office was only 15 minutes away from my house. We scheduled an appointment to meet and talk. I started to go twice a week and it helped immensely with me slowly ending my bad habits and bad thoughts. Every Sunday, Camila and I would have lunch at the cafe and talk for hours about my progression and about her life as well. And every other Friday, Camila, Nadia, and I would have a movie night. Without them I would have never had the courage to get help. I am very grateful for having them in my life. Camila, my soulmate who I thought would be the one to save me but she made me realize that I was the only one who could save me. In therapy, I learned to love myself and eventually saved myself. Because that’s reality. You are your own hero. Only you can save yourself.