I've heard a lot of lies throughout my short 17 years of life.

Your dog ran away.

The stork brings a child to its parents.

You're doing great!

I'm not ashamed of you at all.

We care so much about you.

You're the best thing that's ever happened to us.

After a little while, I was able to differentiate between what was true and what was false. I never really cared if someone lied to me. I mean, I cared at first, but I don't even bother to care anymore. If they want to lie, let them. It's their problem, not mine.

While I've heard a lot of lies, the one that I absolutely hate the most is "I love you." I've heard many people tell me this; my mom before she left, my dad before he gave me up for adoption, my foster parents before they brought me back to the center, and my adoptive parents. No doubt they're going to kick me out of their house soon. Sure, I've been with them for three years, but I know they don't really care about me. Why would anyone care about an idiot like me?

Sorry. I'm getting off topic. Anyway, where was I... oh, right. "I love you" is probably the worst lie a person can tell another. While I believe (or used to believe) that love is a genuine emotion, people always express it in the wrong way. An example? Telling someone that they love another just to get sex. No, it has never happened to me personally, but I've heard enough stories. After the night's over, the other person leaves and never returns. Another good example is when parents say they love their kids. A good amount of the time, this is said to get them to shut up, or to tell them some horrible news after the fact. Now that has happened to me.

My mother left when I was five. If I had been a little older, I probably would've seen it coming. My parents had been arguing like crazy, mostly because my father was a major alcoholic and would come home late and drunk almost every day. The night she left, my father was out again, and she came into my room with her jacket on. I asked her where she was going, and she told me that she would be gone for a while. She also said "I love you Aaron" before she left. I haven't seen her since.

A year later, my dad gave me up for adoption. Although he claimed it was because he couldn't take care of me and he wanted me to "have a better life", I heard him talking to one of his friends on the phone. His real reason was because he hated seeing "the product of that awful woman" every day. He, too, told me that he loved me before he got rid of me.

All of this left me feeling hollow to the emotion of "love." This is why I didn't believe my friend Ranger when he told me that he loved me. I just couldn't get myself to accept that. Everyone that's ever told me that they love me has abandoned me. I wouldn't be able to live without Ranger. He's my only real friend.

He looked hurt when he realized that I didn't believe him. It's not entirely that I didn't believe him, but more that I didn't trust myself to believe him. I know that he's my friend, and he constantly claims that he'll do anything for me, no matter what, and I would do the same for him. I would. But... I'm afraid of caring too much about him. If I let myself say that I love him back, I'll lose him. I just know it.

This brings me back to not being able to feel love. I loved my parents, and they left. I loved my foster parents, and they got rid of me. I still feel love, but I just won't let myself tell anyone. I care about people, but I don't love them.

Ranger is the only exception to my personal rule. I've loved him since I first met him, when I was 10. He was the first friend I made in school, he was the first person I told that I was gay, I was the first person that he told that he was gay (he told me a few days after I told him), and he was the first person I can say I truly, truly fell in love with.

Why don't I believe him, you ask? And if I love him too, why won't I tell him? I'll answer the first question, first. I know that he isn't lying, and I do believe him. I just can't tell him that I feel the same way because he may leave me. Come on, I still don't understand why he would love me. I am a f***-up. No one's ever had feelings like this for me before, and I don't blame them. Sure, I'm in all honors classes, I play sports and I'm good with younger kids. That doesn't matter, though. When people see me, the only thing they see is the kid whose parents abandoned him. The kid whose never been loved before.

I've heard so many lies, but "I love you" hurts the most, even if it isn't a lie.