The art of wooing girls has always interested me. For years I have worked to find the secret to finally get what has eluded me time and time again; the possibility of having a girlfriend. I've spent hours exercising perfecting my body, along with numerous time studying the art of speaking to the opposite sex. I've even managed to perfect the ability to get a girl's phone number, but this is unfortunately where my abilities begin to fade. The art of text messaging the opposite sex has been the bane of my existence for years. Countless girls who initially thought I was an interesting person have time and time again refused to respond to my messages. Why? One might ask; is it because I’m too boring, too desperate, too forward? The answer is a resounding none of the above. I’m just a horrible text messenger and this was exactly what I was thinking one summer afternoon.

My mood gradually worsens as I lay in my bed. I am text messaging this girl Brenda. She is my 5th girl this month and it’s my third week messaging her and seeing absolutely no response. I am completely dumbfounded as I lay on my mattress, a sinister scowl creeping into my features. It was a simple message: “Hey what’s up?” and almost expectantly there was no reply at all. Brenda was the type of girl that my buddies and I call a “Golden-Babe.” Her face was impeccably perfect, body a ten, and her voice was just simply alluring. I got her number a couple weeks back with the time tested, “I usually don’t do this,” line. Learned from my buddy Jon, it’s my absolute go to move for any golden-babe and of course it left her feeling special. She messaged me the first night and ever since then she hasn’t responded.

Just as I’m about to give up all hope in her and do as I do to mostly every girl I’ve had, delete her number, my phone vibrates and flashes. Sitting up I’m smiling thinking the unbelievable had just occurred. Hand quickly raising my phone to my eager eyes I am all but disappointed to find that it is my friend Jake and not Brenda who messaged me.

It reads, “Hey bruh what’s good wit you maaang?”

I respond, “Nothing much man. What’s up?”

“Hey how’s Brenda treating you man? You the maaan dude she was like a ten outta ten bruh! Golden-Babe forsure!”

I lie, “Oh she moved to Alaska.”

“You still bout’a…. you know?”

I roll my eyes and explain, “No Jake I cannot go on a date with a girl who lives outside of the State.” 

“Oh yea, you right man. You right.”

“So what’s up man?”

“Me and Kyle about to go pull some girls at the mall. We might find another golden-babe. You wanna come?”

“Sure. What time are you guys coming to pick me up?”

“30 minutes.”

I message back, “Alright,” and set my phone down.

I proceed to get up and prepare myself. The first thing I do is check the time, walking into my living room I see that it is 3:00 pm. Noting this I go and brush my teeth singing happy birthday to myself three times before I am done. Once finished with this I grab a face towel and apply cold then hot water to my face. All the time making sure to wash softly, not roughly because that “damages your face,” or at least that’s what my mom says. Satisfied, I go into my room make my bed, apply deodorant, and then open my closet. On its opening I am met with the sight of my clothes, shirts on hanging on the top, pants on the bottom, and shoes on the floor. Grinning to myself I choose my Nike Net worth shirt, blue Diesel jeans, and white Adidas superstar shoes. Once dressed I brush my hair and get the last few accessories: my phone, keys, shades, lip balm and watch. 

Going to my mirror I check out the complete outfit, I look spectacular. Looking down at my golden Fossil watch I catch the time 3:29 pm. On cue my phone vibrates in my pocket. It’s from Jake, “Yo bruh we here my dude where you at?”

“I’m ready. Hold on I’m coming outside right now.”

Locking the door behind me I’m greeted with the sight of Kyle’s black S.U.V. Inside are Kyle and Jake both bearing similar grins upon their faces’. I curse to myself as I hop into the back seat; Brenda still has not responded. Seeing my disgruntled face Kyle quips, “Come on Ethan. You can’t have shotgun all the time it’s Jake turn.”

Jake agrees, “Yeah maaang it’s not like you need that good luck. We already know you can pull golden-babes. Plus your wearing you’re lucky outfit!”

We all laugh in unison then I say, “Yeah that’s true this outfit does get me a lot numbers!” Kyle starts up the car then we begin our drive.

“Hey Kyle play some tunes.” I say after we’ve left my neighborhood.

“Sure man what you want to hear?”

I am astounded he even asked this, “What else do we listen to?”

There was a short silence and then we all said, “Drake!”

He turned to his I-Pod selected his Drake playlist and blasted “10 Bands.” For next 40 minutes we cruised, rapping lyrics to Drake’s newest songs, having rap battles to his beats, and talked about how we how many girls numbers we we’re going to snag at the mall.

The wind rushes against my face. We are here. Thump, thump, thump, my heart is screaming inside my in chest, I am apprehensive and scared out of my mind, but I turn and smile at Jake. He notices the smug look on my face and jibes, “Maan Ethan always too confident. He making me a little unsure. What you think Kyle?”

Kyle laughs, “Naa man you just need to get some confidence like our buddy here let’s go.”

We proceed towards our destination, Forever 21, and as we near the store’s glass doors I can’t help but to think to myself, “Maybe today will be the day.” My hope filled thoughts, however were abruptly interrupted when a fat girl came strolling out and Jake began his pulling session. He got this crazy look in his eyes, the one that says, you can’t possibly reject me, and said, “Hey girl.”

Jake actually approached a girl? My anticipation was so great I nearly double over to see what was going occur next. She smiled at him and said, “Hey,” and walked away.

We stand there in silence, not even bothering to look back. Jake had never talked to a girl and gotten her to respond before. I was simply stunned; this day was going to be amazing. After the initial shock wears off, we venture into Forever 21. I go to nearest attractive saleswoman and use my usual practice, “Hey. Do you work here?”

“Yes I do, did the name tag give me away?” She asks lightheartedly.

I say, “Oh silly me, I didn’t see it. What’s your name?”

She laughs, “Veronica, do you need any help sir?”

I shoot her a grin then say, “What a pretty name, and yes do you know were the men’s section is?”

“Sir it’s over there to the right. If you have anymore question please come and find me.”

I say “thank you” and walk away in the direction of the men’s section with Jake and Kyle following in close proximity.  When I reach a clothing rack I stop and pretend to scan the items.
“My turn now,” Kyle whispers in my ear. He goes off, leaving Jake and I to gaze with watchful eyes.

He moves slowly. Each step being more careful then the last and then out of nowhere he stops. He stands fixated in the women’s section staring at something obscured. Jake and I look craning our necks desperately to see what he has found. Then she emerges. Both of our mouths drop, “Wow,” we mutter.

Gathering all of his courage Kyle moves. Quickening his pace, he matches hers and walks beside her pretending to be absolutely oblivious that he his doing this. This action carries on even while the girl is stepping out of the store. Both of them now in this odd dance, entered interior of the mall.

Breaking into a combination of a tiptoe like sprint Jake and I followed. We didn’t want to be seen but we had to keep up. We followed like this, through waves of people with our tiptoe gradually giving into a steadfast walk. Using the passing people as cover we hid and still kept an eye on Kyle. At this point a thought crossed my mind, “maybe they were actually talking.” I actually hoped to believe this nonsense, but my hope of course was ill fated. As the crowds of people walking lessened I caught a glimpse of Kyle who was still following ever determined to remain mute. He walked with this air of complete apprehensiveness and with each passing moment of his challenge I could feel myself growing queasy. When is he going to make a move?

That move never did come. Instead it seemed Kyle finally realized that what he was doing made him look like a complete fool. After all of his efforts he was left with nothing, or so we thought. When we finally caught up to him he met both of us with a huge smile.

“That was pretty awesome huh?”

Jake laughed, “Yeah sure, if you were trying to freak her out you did perfect man!”

“Yeah Kyle,” I agreed, “What were you thinking man?”

He smiled, “I was nervous but you saw she didn’t say anything either. She probably was nervous to ha-ha.”

“Of course man,” I jeered, “But not in the same way you were.”

“Yeah Kyle I think you made her think you were like a killer stalking its prey dude. You weren’t even smooth about it.” Jake laughed.

“Excuse me.” The voice was unfamiliar but unmistakably sounded of the opposite sex. I turned around, and to my surprise I saw three girls standing in front of me. To my left I instantly recognized the girl Kyle was following; my heart was in my mouth, this is going to be bad. I looked to my sides for help and saw that both Jake and Kyle were totally petrified. I was alone.

“Excuse me,” the middle girl said again.

I nearly cringed at thought of just how embarrassing this moment was going to be for me. All of the passing people in the mall would have a perfect view if this girl and her friends decided to tell us off, so I played it cool and went with a confused response. “Yes?” I said trying my best to sound surprised.

I took in her features as she struggled to deal with my oddball of a response. She had stunning black hair and her eyes had a beautiful hazel hue to them. They looked right into mine and then down again. She was a Golden-Babe for sure.

“Yes?” I ask again.

She responded this time, her voice bearing a slightly foreign accent to it. “Hmm, my friend was wondering why your friend was following her. Is he like a weirdo or something?”

“Yeah. You could say that I guess.” I say coolly.

“Oh well that was really strange.”

I shoot a glance toward Kyle’s direction. Then say, “My friend was just playing around. He’s not really that weird when you get to know him.”

I smile and try my best to not look intimidating.

She stares at me for a second and then says “Oh well my friend says that he’s actually good looking. Are you sure he doesn’t act like that all the time?”

Seeing an opportunity I put on my best smile then say, “No. Just when he’s trying to.”

It was at this point that I noticed both her friends were in the same state my friends were, totally petrified. As if they were frozen by some unknown spell that prevented them from embarrassing themselves.

“So,” I took this moment to focus the conversation onto us, “Hey what’s your name?”

“Diana, what’s your name?”

“Ethan. And that’s a really nice name by the way.”

“Really?” She smiled, her eyes meeting mine once again.

Matching her smile I add, “Honestly I think it’s one of my favorites.”

She blushes now. My heart rate slows and a complete wave of relaxation washes over me body. I know I have her.

I go in for the kill, “Listen Diana I think you’re really pretty,” this makes her really blush, “So I was wondering do you have like a phone or something?”

“Do you want my number?” She smiles.

“Yeah.” I respond then look deeply into her eyes and say, “You’re going to respond when I message you right?”

She shrugs and says with a hint of mischief, “Maybe, it depends on what you send me.”

This completely phases me. I bite my lip, she’s going to be trouble.

Being careful to maintain my façade of confidence I quickly cover my lapse with a smirk and say almost flirtatiously “It will be special,” then adding under my breath, “Hopefully.”

Reaching into my pocket I hand her my phone and she puts her number in my list of contacts batting her eyes the whole time. With the deed done she hands it back. My hand touches hers. Smoothly I allow it to linger a little before receiving my phone. The three girls turn away laughing playfully and I start off with my newly unfrozen friends. Both Jake and Kyle are absolutely stunned at what just took place, practically congratulating me all the way back to the car. Everything is cool but for some reason I just can’t shake the feeling of impending doom. What am I going to tell this girl?

The whole ride back I’m simply lost in my own thoughts. My mind races with hundreds of possible outcomes. Should I say “Hey what’s up?” or maybe go with the bolder approach of “Hey beautiful?” Is she going to respond? I even jump out of my seat when Jake asks, “So man what you bout to say to her? It bout to be special or what?”

I wave his question down easily all while maintaining an air of confidence. “You know me man. I always got something special to say.”

“True dat.” He laughs

We blast some music and before long I’m back home. Home to finally face Diana. It’s 8:30 pm when I first scroll down to her name. I decide to go with a simple “Hey,” and add a smiley face for good measure. 8:30 becomes 8:40 and my demeanor has grown quite sour. Still I wait, another ten minutes passes until I finally I’ve had enough. I guess it wasn’t interesting enough. Dismayed and angered by my latest failure I leave my phone in the hallway. Putting on my workout gear I decide that tonight’s run would be extra-long.

Just as I’m closing my house’s door I see a flash and hear a familiar beeping noise.

I close the door behind me and go for a run.