Not Mine to Keep
She just laughed with her voice full of honey and everything I’d never had.
She finally took everything from me and I would never be the same.
I watched the clock slow but all I wanted to do was close my eyes and sleep for a while.
Where they my eyes now? Had she taken everything that I had ever known?
I was no longer my whole self standing stripped down to the core in front of her.
Pieces of me would keep leaving and there’d be nothing I could do to stop it except to put a bullet in my skull.
I wanted her laugh and everything it held, everything it had stolen from me.
I wanted the endorphins in my brain to lie to me and make me feel like I was okay.
Yet, I was not okay and that laugh would never belong to me.
I will listen to it until my ears bleed and my chest begs for me to take a breath of my own.
Once the light within me extinguishes and my shell is doubled over and numbed from the sound of happiness, maybe then she’ll cry.