“Where the hell is the music?”

Catherine was standing at the top of the stairs, grinning from ear to ear. She descended into the dimly lit basement, setting down the bag that was thrown over her shoulder. She pulled out two unlabeled water bottles, full of a surely nauseating alcohol that no one cared enough to identify. Catherine had an older sister with fake I.D.

“Oh, thank god,” Lucy ran over to her, grabbing one of the bottles. At the same time Lucy tipped her head back, Teddy turned on some incomprehensible rap song. Emma picked at the ends of her hair. Kayla and Nate kissed.  Eddie was telling a story, while Olivia stared straight ahead.
“C’mon guys, be fun!” Catherine pulled Chloe from her seat, handing her the other bottle. “You look hot tonight, Chlo.”
“Thanks,” Chloe half spoke, half gagged after taking a sip. She was staring at David. He was staring at Jane.
It was a Friday night. The room smelt like smoke and perfume. Everyone was trying not to care. It was all sort of funny. It was all sort of sad.

…

Catherine
“1...2...3” Kayla pulled back, vodka running down the sides of her mouth. She gave Catherine a repulsed expression, who had been holding the bottle to her lips. She threw her head back in laughter. “Oh my god, that was hilarious. I think that’s the first time you’ve actually lasted all three.”
“Yeah, I’m getting used to your waterboarding,” Kayla choked out.
“Please, it’s fun waterboarding.” Catherine grinned, raising her eyebrows.
“Kayla!” Both their heads turned to Nate, who was standing across the room, his hand wrapped around a closet door knob. He jerked his head towards the door.
“That’s my cue,” Kayla laughed. “Try to keep your tortue to a minimum.” She slid past Catherine and out from behind the bar, running to Nate. Catherine watched as their lips connected and they
    Lucy grabbed the bottle out from Catherine’s tight grip. “I’ll trade you.” Lucy handed her a cigarette. She then walked away, leaving Catherine alone at the bar. Everything looked fuzzy. She felt her phone vibrate against her leg, and pulled it from her pocket, “Mom” lighting up across the screen. After a moment, she answered.
“Hello?” She was slurring. The word slowly poured out of her.
“Catherine? Where are you? Why didn’t you pick up your father?”
“I...What?”
“You told me you would get him from his meeting tonight. I am at book club right now, I can’t leave. You told me you would do this, Catherine.”
“I’m out right now, you get him.”
“I can’t leave, you told me you would get him from his meeting.”
“Why can’t you, Mom? Don’t want to tell your friends?” She lit another cigarette. “And stop calling them meetings, s***.”
“They are meetings, Catherine. And do not swear at me,” Her voice lowered to a whisper, “have you been drinking?”
“Yeah, Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, Mother. Support group meetings, Mom. But god forbid book club hears.”
“I do not need the whole word knowing of your father’s misdemeanors,” her whisper was almost a hiss, “and you should learn to do the same.”
Catherine laughed. “Misdemeanors, right. I can’t get him, I can’t drive”
“That is not an acceptable answer, Catherine, you told me-”
  Catherine hung up.
She stood stepped down from the stool, grabbing the bar to steady herself. This was her favorite stage of drunkenness. If she closed her eyes, she could feel herself swaying, as if she were on a boat. Everything around her was fuzzy, less precise. The world was slower. She could breathe. Looking around the room, everyone was busy. Talking, laughing, smiling. Catherine slipped up the stairs unnoticed.
She walked through an unfamiliar hall until she reached a sliding glass door. Stepping outside, the air was cool, right on the cusp of winter. She laid down on the driveway, her palms pressed down against the cool concrete. It was a moment a poem could be written about, or a painting painted, a reflection had. Someone deep would do that. Catherine wasn’t deep.

...

Kayla
“Do you remember our first time?”
“Oh my god, don’t talk about it,” Kayla covered her face with her hands. “It was terrible.”
“It wasn’t that bad,” Nate laughed, smiling.
“Your mom came home.”
“She didn’t know though!”
Kayla was laughing. “She knew, oh, she knew.”
“She knew.”
The two of them laid on a blanket, spread on the concrete floor of Eddie’s storage room. It wasn’t romantic, but most places they found themselves weren’t.
“So, I’m visiting BU next weekend.” Kayla rolled on her side, facing Nate.
“Boston University?” Nate asked.
“Yeah, so I’ll be gone Thursday to Sunday.”
“You didn’t tell me you were looking there.”
“Well I’m just looking all over the place. Keeping my options open, all that college counselor s***.”
“But you’ll probably still end up at in state?”
“I don’t know, I kind of have been feeling like going farther.”
“You told me you wanted to stay close.” Kayla could feel him getting angry.
“I did. But I’m not sure where I want to go yet.”
“You know I can only afford in state.” Nate sat up.
“Nate,” Kayla sat up next to him, her hand on his arm. “Let’s not do this now.”
“Well when then? When do you want to do this? Because I don’t want to waste the last year of high school if we’re just gonna break up when it’s over.”
“You think this is a waste?” Kayla pulled her hand from his. “What, do you want me to tell you we’re getting married? We’re seventeen.”
“No, f***, no! That’s not what I mean.”
“Then what do you mean?”
“5 years from now, do you think we’ll be together?”
“I have no idea!” Kayla ran her hands through her hair. “How do you expect me to answer that?”
Kayla was looking at him. She had been looking at him for three years now. Three years at seventeen felt like forever. He was her first everything. She knew him perfectly. If she closed her eyes, she could make out every detail of his face.
“Where do you see us in five years?” He was prying for an answer.
“I think I’ll probably live somewhere warm.” Kayla looked up from her hands. “I think I wanna be a teacher, or maybe not.” She laughed, shaking her head. “I have no idea, Nate, none.”
“Please.” He was begging. She knew what he wanted to hear. She knew what she wanted to say. They were so different.
“I think we’ll be together.” She smiled. “Somehow.”
He didn’t believe her. She knew he didn’t. They kissed anyway.
“I love you, Kayla.” Nate helped her too her feet.
“I love you too, so much.” They both meant it.
“Come on,” Nate smiled down at her. “Let’s go back out there.”

...

Chloe, in Two Parts.

I.
Chloe was in the bathroom, staring at her reflection. She looked good. She looked perfect.
She stepped back into the party, searching the room, until she found him.
David was sitting in an armchair, a beer in his hand. He was tan, despite the changing seasons. His hair was dark brown, the perfect complement to his skin. His jawline was sharp, defined. Chloe has inspected him time and time again. She was in awe of him. When they first met, he had felt the same of her. He saw her across the room at a s***ty New Year’s Eve party and they had clicked. It had only taken ten minutes of small talk before they had found themselves in the back room, her hands in his hair, his shirt on the floor. Things were different now. They had never spoken much, but now he barely looked at her. Even when they found themselves together, in beds or cars or bathrooms, he barely looked at her.
Chloe followed his line of vision. There, in front of the bathroom, was Emma. Her mouth was on Jared’s, the two of them pressed together against the doorframe. Emma was shorter than Chloe. At 5’ 9, Chloe towered over most girls, yet her tiny waist and flat stomach managed to make her look both big and small all at once. Her hair and skin both glew. She was beautiful, stunning. Emma was just pretty. She had red hair, an average physique. Her eyes were too small her face, but any time Chloe pointed it out, no one else seemed to notice. She couldn’t figure out why David was always watching her, like she was special. Like she meant something.
Emma and Jared disappeared within the bathroom, the door slamming shut. David took a sip of his beer, looking away. His eyes met Chloe’s. He stood up, walking towards her.
“Come on.” He grabbed her hand, pulling through a door Kayla and Nate had just emerged from.
The moment the door shut behind them, Chloe was pushed up against it. He pulled at her shirt, her hair. He seemed angry.
“David, stop.” Chloe moved her mouth from his. He pulled her back.
“Wait, wait.” She tried again, pushing him away. He looked her, confused. “Are you okay?”
“What?” David asked.
“You just seem mad. I just…. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” He pulled her back to him. “Just stop talking.” He urged her towards the floor.
Chloe laid down. She stayed quiet.

II.
Chloe watched the muscles in David’s back move as he slipped his shirt on. He was there, and just moving in front of her. And he was funny, and so attractive. She was in love with him, for all of these things. Especially because he was there. Especially because, at times, he wanted her. He looked back at her, smiling. He stood up, Chloe still wrapped in a blanket. He left without a word.
She redressed, reemerging into the dimly lit basement. The music was blaring, and so were the people. She could hear the conversations around her, louder, slower, drunker. Olivia approached her.
“Did you and David hook up?”
“Yeah.” Chloe tried to sound neutral.
“Do you want to date him?” Olivia stepped in front of Chloe, fully facing her.
And this was the thing about teenagers. They compliment each other, try to act normal, try to be each other’s best friends. But everyone has this other life, this deeper part of them that they hide. So everyone pretends to care about hookups and parties and each other, and maybe a little part of them even does. But they all pretend to care a lot about the small things, and only a little about the big things, if they show any care at all. They clutch onto and hide the part of themselves that could be hurt, beneath meaningless things. So Chloe shook her head.
“No, it’s not like that for either of us.”
“Good,” Olivia smiled, “cause I thought someone should tell you that he spent the night at Emma’s last week, when her parents were out of town. No one knows if they actually did anything, but, you know.” She shrugged.
“Yeah, I heard that,” Chloe lied.
“Okay, good. Because if you liked him, that would suck. So I’m glad you don’t. Just looking out for you.” She wasn’t.
“Thanks.” Chloe fake smiled. Olivia fake smiled. They parted.
So there it was. Emma had done it with the guy she loved. She probably didn’t care, he probably did. Chloe had tried so hard. Emma got him when she didn’t even want him. And now it was pointless because everyone, every person in that dingy basement, they all knew. They would pretend they didn’t, but they would. Chloe, the hot girl, lost the hot boy, to Emma , who was far less hot than either of them. Emma was a hero. Chloe was perfect s***.
Girls would look at her and whisper, about her sluttiness, her dirtiness, how sad it all was. Boys would whisper too. David would unclaim Chloe with a shrug, and the line would form almost immediately. Chloe, the perfect shell of a girl, coming alive, offering anything when paid a few empty compliments, false love. Step right up.
Chloe was pulled from her thoughts as Emma and Jared emerged from the bathroom. Emma cheeks were red, her makeup slightly smudged under her eyes. Jared slipped past her instantly, neither of them seeming fazed. Right away David was there, his hand on Emma’s arm. He leaned in to her ear. His eyes met hers again, questioning. She nodded, and he grinned. A real smile. Chloe hadn’t seen it before. She watched as the two of them sat down on the couch, speaking seriously. Emma seemed sorry, David seemed forgiving. Chloe willed herself to look away. They’ll notice you watching, she told herself. You need to move. But the truth was they wouldn’t notice, they were far too invested in each other. And Chloe wouldn’t move, because she didn’t want to. So she just sat, watching. Her here. Him there. Everything in between, the night, Chloe herself, empty.

…

Olivia
“And then,we were in the car, and this cop pulls us over, and the whole car just reeks, and- are you even listening?” Eddie grabbed Olivia’s arm.
“I-yeah, sorry.” She fought to get the words out.
Eddie laughed. “S***, man. I want whatever you’re on.”
“Go ahead.” Olivia reached her hands down her shirt and into her bra, producing a pill bottle.
“Are you serious?” Eddie’s eyes widened as Olivia nodded. “F***, thanks.” He stood from the couch, leaving her.
Anthony replaced Eddie’s spot. As he sat, his hand brushed Olivia’s leg. She stared down.
“I didn’t feel that.”
“Right,” he looked down at her, “that’s because you’re on hard drugs.”
“No,” she caught his glance. “I mean, I didn’t feel it. I used to, with you.” She didn’t know how to say it. Olivia reached for Anthony’s arm, placing his hand again on her leg. “Weird,” she breathed out.
“It’s different now. You’re different.” He pulled his hand away.
“Because I’m high?”
“No, because of who you are.”
A year ago Anthony loved her, and Olivia tried very hard to love him. They were together for a while, or a while for teenagers. She ended it. She told him she didn’t want to be in a relationship with the expiration date college would inevitably bring. She had wanted to avoid the same elephant Kayla and Nate had spent the past months dancing around. They still had to hang out, though.
“Am I bad different?” She met his gaze.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because we broke up.”
“That doesn’t make me bad different.”
“It does for me.” He smiled at her. She realized he was kidding.
“I want you to tell me the truth.” She watched his smile fade.
“You cared about  yourself more than you cared about me when we broke up.” She didn’t deny it, only waited for him to continue. He didn’t.
“And?”
“And now you don’t seem to care about yourself at all.” Anthony stood. He turned to look down at her, opening his mouth to speak. He closed it though, walking away.
Olivia looked around. Catherine was puking, and Kayla was holding her hair. The floor was littered with cups and bottles. It was all so stupid. It was pointless. Olivia hated these nights. She hated herself for going to parties, and she hated herself for caring about them. She hated spending them sober. She hated the drugs. She hated that she had f***ed her whole life up by making her this her routine. School, weekend, party, sleep. It was so sad. She felt sorry for herself. She was pathetic. Her life was made of this. She thought about what Anthony said.
“Try, don’t try, it all ends.” She whispered to herself. She didn’t know if it was freeing or enslaving. She stood up, grabbing her keys from the bar.
“Woah,” Teddy grabbed Olivia’s arm, “You are way too f***ed up to drive.”
She tugged away from his grip and headed for the stairs. She looked back to see if they would try to stop her. No one did. Olivia stumbled until she found herself at the wheel. If she got in an accident and died, maybe it would change things. Her friends would start doing s*** that mattered. They’d talk about real things, more than parties and each other. She’d expire, but maybe they’d begin. She wondered if that was what it took. She hated that she had thought of it. She hated that part of her hoped she would die.
But it was almost 2 in the morning, and the roads were quiet. She got home fine. She hated it.
…

Jared helped carry Catherine out to the car, and Kayla said another thank you to Eddie for having them. Anthony and Nate had already fallen asleep. Teddy walked around with a trash bag, cleaning. Chloe walked up the stairs and willed herself not to look back at him. It was over. The night had played out, and things had happened. Tomorrow, they’d ask each other how the night went. They’d say it was fine and leave out anything that mattered. None of them would remember the night as significant. It was all sort of funny. It was all sort of sad.