I’m a Rubik’s cube, one that has been used. My stickers have been ripped off and placed in new ways so that there is no solution. I’m a question, twisting me around to find answers. Rain on a sunny day, is still happy, some even would enjoy it. I am rain on a sunny day, happy but something else is there too. I feel like inanimate objects. A part of the stove, not the one in the front but the one in the back you only use on special occasions when you need to feed more mouths. A lamp that sits on a table, turned off until the extra light would be useful. The un-athletic kid in a gym class full of athletes waiting while captains pick teams.  This is how people have made me feel. Second pick, but maybe I’m okay with that because aren’t I the one who put myself into this position? Why did I put myself in this position though? Giving everything I have, putting my emotions aside to forget about until the moment has worn off and I’m alone again. I need a friend but I’m speaking a different language that no one has learned yet. It’s hard making friends when no one understands what you’re saying. Quite honestly I have a lot of friends, most people I meet really like me even. What I mean is, I don’t have a person with ears who is going to just be ears for me. I have all these thoughts, good, great, bad and sad but no one who is going to take those words and do something with them. I hear people talking and I listen to everything they say they want or wish they had, and if possible I make it a reality for them. I think a lot about people in my life some I understand, some I actually really love, others who really hurt me but I still love them or at least remain civil with. But why? When people repeatedly hurt me why do I not remove myself from them completely? Do I like the way I’m treated all the time? I don’t. I can tell them this but it doesn’t change anything really at all so what is the point? Well that’s when my Rubik’s cube of a brain comes to play with me. It’s not that I don’t think I can do better than some of the relationships in my life because I know I can. Its maybe that I see these people who do hurt me and know that they are having a hard time in their own minds and don’t have any other way to cope than in destructive ways and I give myself to them as their target practice because I love how it takes something away from them. I become a relief maybe. In some way I’m helping, and in that, I can be happy and sad all at the same time.When people see me and I look upset the first thing they say is what’s wrong in a way that makes you almost feel annoying. When I see someone upset I know something is hurting them, I will make them happy again. I want someone who is just going to look at me and know when I’m upset and fix it because fixing it would make them feel better too. A best friend. For  how ever long it takes I will find someone to be my relief, not someone who feels like they have to listen and be there because it’s a duty or a responsibility but someone who wants to take that away for me. Take the stickers back off and rearrange them to their former packaging, before being opened, played with, and cheated. Take the time out of their day, set their feelings aside and just working on fixing anything that may break in me. To whoever this might be, thank you for making me make sense again. I am forever in your debt.