Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.



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This article has 838 comments.


on Apr. 25 2010 at 2:37 pm
VioletsandVoice, Spiritwood, North Dakota
0 articles 0 photos 170 comments
I read this like a month ago and it has stuck with me since then, I think back to it a lot. it was nice to read it again

Grrcya BRONZE said...
on Apr. 24 2010 at 1:14 pm
Grrcya BRONZE, Miami Beach, Florida
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.

This is beautiful. It's simple, but touching. I enjoyed it.

on Apr. 15 2010 at 11:58 pm
poisonivy BRONZE, Chandler, Arizona
3 articles 0 photos 30 comments
What an emotionally touching piece of literature! I loved it! Keep writing!

on Apr. 15 2010 at 7:32 pm
musiclover114 SILVER, Woodstock, Georgia
7 articles 0 photos 82 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life isn&#039;t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.<br /> <br /> born an original, why die a copy?

wow its beautiful and i thought the same thing very very good!!!!!!!

krazyk GOLD said...
on Apr. 15 2010 at 5:06 pm
krazyk GOLD, Modesto, California
11 articles 5 photos 26 comments
This is amazing! It's very sad, but so beautiful. I love the way you told the story. I thought at first she had an eating disorder and got abused, but once I got to the point where she had cancer my heart dropped. So so sad. keep writing!

Riley141 GOLD said...
on Apr. 15 2010 at 3:39 pm
Riley141 GOLD, Yale, Michigan
13 articles 3 photos 145 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot; Always do right. This will gratifiy some people and astonish the rest.&quot; Mark Twain

At first I thought she was bolemic. But it was kind of sad, It had amazing description. Good job

 


on Apr. 15 2010 at 2:58 pm
xBaByGiRrL22x PLATINUM, Pearl River, New York
22 articles 0 photos 280 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The goal isn&#039;t to live forever, but create something that will.&quot;<br /> &quot;If you wanna go, baby let&#039;s go; if you wanna rock, I&#039;m ready to roll.&#039;&#039;<br /> &quot;No one ever said it&#039;d be easy. They just said it&#039;d be worth it.&quot; &lt;3

wow. luvv this. so meaningful. amazing descriptionz. plz keep writing!! ;))

on Apr. 15 2010 at 2:23 pm
AlexandraVasari PLATINUM, Fort Stewart, Georgia
28 articles 4 photos 174 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Writing songs is super intimate. It&#039;s a bit like getting naked&quot;~ Gwen Stefani

Excellent!I almost cried it was so emotional dispite how short it was. You are truelly an amazing writter keep up the good work.

on Apr. 15 2010 at 1:32 pm
lesliej94 BRONZE, Harrisonville, Missouri
3 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Life isn&#039;t about waiting for the storm to pass..it&#039;s about learning to dance in the rain&quot;...<br /> &quot;Your 20&#039;s are for you to have fun, your 30&#039;s are for you to learn the lesson&#039;s and your 40&#039;s is for you to pay for the drinks&quot;~Sex and the City

This piece is very sweet and beautiful:)

tyana.bug said...
on Apr. 15 2010 at 1:15 pm
This is very beautiful. Your an amazing writer. Keep it up.

on Apr. 15 2010 at 11:50 am
meganleigh122 GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
13 articles 0 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Life isn&#039;t about waiting for the storm to pass... It&#039;s about learning to dance in the rain.&quot;

this is really good!! keep writing, you have talent. =)

on Apr. 15 2010 at 9:06 am
CanYouSeeTheCrazy PLATINUM, Cle Elum, Washington
21 articles 0 photos 125 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I know why everyone in this world is so desperate to find love.&quot; <br /> &quot;Oh yeah? Why then?&quot; <br /> &quot;Because, it&#039;s the closest thing we have to magic.&quot;

 loved it! your writing is awesome, unexpected, passionate and everything else wonderful! keep writing. =]

bigdreamer14 said...
on Apr. 9 2010 at 7:04 am
bigdreamer14, Y Ya Need To Know???, Louisiana
0 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
You can say that I&#039;m a talented writer, but all I can do is write down my feelings on paper and form them into sentences with my own personal flavor.

I have to agree with Wellington because I thought that she had an eatinf disorder as well, but this is a good read and ur descriptions are acceptable for this kind of writing. Good job. =)

on Apr. 7 2010 at 12:27 pm
Wellington BRONZE, Ann Arbor, Michigan
2 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. <br /> Richard M. Nixon

very well written..

at first i thought it was an eating disorder. . but the cancer at the end was unexpected for me. good job!


rayj095 GOLD said...
on Apr. 5 2010 at 4:08 pm
rayj095 GOLD, Gadsden, Alabama
19 articles 6 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;And if we&#039;re lucky, we realize, in the face of everything, in the face of life, the true dream is being able <br /> to dream at all.&quot; -Grey&#039;s Anatomy

Very good writing. Great job on keeping the cancer part unknown until the end. Keep writing :)

on Mar. 29 2010 at 8:40 pm
xXxLovelyEurixXx GOLD, Brandon, Florida
11 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I hope she&rsquo;ll be a fool&mdash;that&rsquo;s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.&rdquo; ~ Daisy Buchanan - The Great Gatsby

I've also already commented on this, I loved it. SO sad, and it really makes you think. I've never taken life for granted, and this just makes you stop and say "wow." hehe double comment (: I really loved it. Keep writing, please.

on Mar. 29 2010 at 8:38 pm
xXxLovelyEurixXx GOLD, Brandon, Florida
11 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;I hope she&rsquo;ll be a fool&mdash;that&rsquo;s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.&rdquo; ~ Daisy Buchanan - The Great Gatsby

Hi, I don't have access to a flashdrive or anything so I'm going to comment with something I've written already so I can resave it tomorrow. I apologize for this, but it's somewhere I'll know where it is.

 

Thank you!

 

Barley Lee-gal

That what she is. She is the girl that the guys fall too hard for and end up getting hurt because she cannot return those feelings. She is one of those cursed girls, you know, the one many adore and few hate. With eyes that could capture anyones attention. The one whose smile could brighten anyones day. And yet, she cannot understand why they all stare at her. Is it her hair? Is it her clothes? Well, she does have an out-there sense of style. But tell me, what kind of girl could possibly be the center of attention so much? The girl who sleeps around? Not her. The girl who keeps the relationship for the so-call "chinks"? No, she could never be so selfish. Maybe, and this is just a guess, maybe she is the outcast. The one who keeps to herself and shut everyone away because she cannot stand to have anyone worry about her, even though she knows her silence causes them to worry. She believes the "Silence Will Set Her Free" meaning, if she remains quiet, no one will hurt her. Oh how wrong she is, so very, very wrong. She still wants to believe in fairy tales, and nothing will stop her from believing. "But," she thinks to herself as she passes to her sixth period class, "if the word "lie" is in the word "believe" then how can I trust anything?" She wonders, she anazlyzes, and she writes out her feelings. She wonders why the symbol of love is a rose, when a rose dies. Is that symbolizing nothing lasts forever? She wants, no, she yearns to trust differently. There are things that last forever, she just has yet to find them. It seems young realtionships will not last, for all her pasts are exactly that. The past. Something, something she has yet forgotten, and yet forgiven. Something she cannot do. They hurt her. They made her the way she is now. The lies, the hatred, the jealousy, the beating, the pushing, the touch, the kiss, the poison on his lips. It all made her much too afraid to get close to anyone anymore. "Are they all like that? Are they all so hateful towards an innocent girl?" she whispers quietly in second period of the next day as silent tears stream down her pretty face, making it red and puffy. No one pays attention to her, no one cares to look over at her and just smile. They are all too consumed in what happened with their own lives to bother with this one girl. Perhaps if she suddenly became invisible they would never notice? Perhaps if she just left a note on all her desks saying she would never return, maybe then would someone go uot searching for her? End of the day, she barely remembers it. Did she have homework? Oh well, she calls and asks. None tonight. She glances back at her calendar that is still stuck on September of 2009. She sighs. She tears in two, she lies awake, the moon lights up the room like day, another night she spends alone, without his touch of skin so cold.


justbe-3 said...
on Mar. 29 2010 at 5:10 pm
justbe-3, Hollis, New Hampshire
0 articles 0 photos 76 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You live but once, you might as well be amusing.&quot; -Coco Chanel<br /> &quot;Here is the test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished: if you&#039;re alive, it isn&#039;t.&quot; -Richard Bach <br /> &quot;Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.&quot; -Einstein

i love how she tries to hide it from everyone else but inside she knows she dying. such a great story. great opening paragraph.

on Mar. 27 2010 at 12:50 pm
MCRlover2011 BRONZE, Kemp, Texas
4 articles 2 photos 85 comments

Favorite Quote:
Be yourself, don&#039;t take any one&#039;s (ugh they keep editing this T_T) shit and never let them take you alive!!!- Gerard Way

It's sooo good, i loved the wiritng!!

on Mar. 27 2010 at 6:23 am
PrincessPineapple GOLD, Chesapeake, Virginia
18 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;To love someone is to learn the song that is in their heart, and sing it to them when they have forgotten.&quot; ~unknown

Awwww! this is such a sad story! but the writing is really good.