Chapter One


The bright colors of the evening danced across the sky enlightening the horizon with different shades of pinks, purples, and oranges, dancing the song of freedom. It seemed so still, so beautiful. It's probably the only thing in life you can always count on. A sunset everyday to be there to give you something to look forward to the next day.

I stood onto of the downtown apartment building with the wind blowing through my hair and fresh air tickling my nose as I inhaled it in. My insides were feeling sick, it was as if my guts were twisting with nerves, fear, and some kind of excitement. Everything seemed so far away but at the same time it seemed to be right in front of me and I just couldn't grab hold of it.

From miles away I could see my house up in flames with black smoke surrounding it. Sirens were going nuts like little children on Christmas morning. The smoke was thick like a black fog, it filled the sky and drifted around until it blended in with the evening sky that was beginning to settle in and take over the sunset that lay in front of me.

I closed my eyes and stepped forward. Before I could back down, I told myself there's no backing down. I've never been more sure of anything, but at the same time so apprehensive and scared. I walked froward and placed my toes on the edge of the building . I raised my arms and closed my eyes, then I just let go. As I began to fall a sudden fear shot through my body. A fear of the end and a fear of defeat.

Now I sat there in an empty room, trapped, unable to walk forever with feelings of disappointment and defeat. Something I wanted so bad was taken away from me by a hopeless fate in life. I guess you learn to never get your hopes up in life. " Your mother is waiting downstairs to see you Melanie." I looked up to see my nurse standing in the door.

" Well she can keep waiting downstairs. " I replied with a cold anger and sorrow in my voice. I didn't want to face her and see the disappointment in her big brown eyes. And I knew she would cry and a sneaky guilt would creep up my spine.

I just sat in my wheelchair, still, and starring at a picture of what use to be in my life. Me and my older brother Jared were sitting in front of my parents who were looking into each others eyes like no one else existed in the world. And behind my parents was my best friend Natalie.

Natalie and I have been best friends since were were seven. Even though we were so different, we were at one time so close. She was more daring and adventures at first, but her light shined on me and rubbed off on me. She was kinda like my other half. Just then my mind went back to the day we met at the beach.








Chapter Two


The waves of the ocean crashed against the pointy rocks making a watery thunder sound. The pigeons gathered around the bread of the little kids, like myself, threw out at them. The sky was blue like the ocean below and a very few clouds were scattered neatly across the sky. The scenery of the beach that day could have been painted into a picture and hung in a museum.

My family and I resided on a blanket, where the fine sand drifted to the ocean where it disappeared beneath the waves on the shore. We were having our annual family picnic on the northern California Beach. just as I picked up my sandwich, another family approached us. Two happy parents and two girls. The oldest looking girl looked to be around 12 or 13, like my brother. She was beautiful with blond curly hair that laid neatly past her shoulders and almost all the way down her back. The youngest daughter was around my age. She had brown curly hair and big brown eyes like myself. In someway she had a radiant glow that reached to the people around her.

" Dan and Cindy!" my mom exclaimed as she leaped up to hug them. " It,s been forever since I've seen you." She stepped back from them and starred the two girls down. She smiled at the oldest. " I haven't seen you since you were a little baby, and you," looking at the youngest girl, " you look just like your mom. That same smile."

" She is her mother made over." The man said smiling at my mom and then at the little girl. " Natalie, Susan, this is my good friend Diane and her husband Mike." The two girls shook my parents hands and then glanced at us with wondrous eyes as if they could find our names by looking at us.

" This is Melanie and Jared. " My dad said introducing us. We shook their hands feeling older than we were.

The day was spent with me and Natalie playing in the waves and laughing in the sunshine. But it ended too quickly, like most good days do. We became instant best friends in just a few hours. When the adventure was finally over, I hugged Natalie and my mom promised we would play together again soon enough. I fell asleep on the car ride home, still listening to the waves splashing.












Chapter Three


" Melanie. " My doctor said approaching me. " You must come down and see your mother. She"s been waiting weeks to see you." He sternly said, which was unusual for him.

He looked serious today. Usually he's laid back and pretty cool.. Doctor Adams was tall with dark hair and green eyes. The name doctor didn't really seem to fit him at all. He seemed more like a favorite teacher you have in high school who lets you by with everything when no one is looking.

I knew I had to see my mom some time. The time had obviously come, seeing as I didn't have much of a choice in my situation. I turned my wheelchair around and followed Doctor Adams as he led me to the elevator. My stomach began to twist in turn as fear struck through me, knowing what was ahead. I rolled into the visitors room and faced her.

My mother looked the same, the same she had looked when we had our big argument and I left. She had long blond hair and big brown eyes. her skin was fair with a beaming glow in the face which seemed to cure a lot of emotional bruises. I loved her so much, but at the same time I couldn't gut looking at her, knowing where she had put me. Everything seemed different now. Our relationship used to be better than normal. We actually talked and she listened. She was in on my life.

She jumped up and hugged me and when she looked me in the face that sneaky guilt crawled up me. Her eyes were red and puffy with light tears rolling down her blushed cheeks.
" I'm so happy to see you." She exclaimed, grabbing my hands and sitting in front of me. " I thought that I had lost you again!" her voice seemed strained and tired.

I knew I was the reason she had lost everything, but she didn't understand that she was the reason I lost everything. Even though I felt so guilty, I also knew that in my mind I did the right thing. It seemed so satisfying. At the same time I wanted her acceptance back.

In life you are always taught about revenge and what it does to you and other people. It can do a lot of damage but it also fills that little person in your head that is thirsty for the enemies blood. Most of the time you don't learn how it makes you feel, it's like the cartoons with the devil and angel on each shoulder. You feel so guilty, but yet so satisfied after clutching that need of satisfaction.

" So where are you staying now?" I asked, knowing what needed to be discussed between us and wanting to get it over with.

" With your grandma. " she gave me a sorrowful look which quickly changed, hoping to cheer me up, " But the house is going to be rebuilt.....we had insurance, so it's okay." She gave me a look of fake forgiveness.

I nodded my head and starred at the ground for as long as possible, which seemed to be forever. I looked up and realized how uncomfortable it had become, so I decided to try to make small talk. " Have you heard from Jared lately?"

" Yes, the last I heard he is fine and he said he should be released for a little while next month....he don't know how long though." It seemed like she had something different to say but didn't know how to say it. It's like when something is wrong, but you try to avoid the subject the best way possible. " Then again, you never know with the army." She quietly mumbled as she took a deep breath.

I sat back and thought for a moment. " When can I come home?" I finally asked after several minutes of procrastinating the subject.

She looked at me stunned, but a the same time relieved that the subject had finally come up. " Um......Sweetie," She took a deep breath. " it's probably gonna be a while. We have to get you better and back to yourself."

Rage splurged through me at the sound of her voice telling me that. There's nothing wrong with me. I felt my teeth grind and my hands turn into fists. " What?! There's nothing wrong with me! You're the reason I'm in here."

" Melanie! You have to understand...." she sighed. " I don't want you in here but it's the only way."

" No, you just want rid of me again....just like before." I gave a demonic smile. " But guess what mommy! You can't fool someone twice." I leaned back in my wheelchair and thought of what I just said. Knowing she wanted rid of me once and now wanting rid of me again made me cry. " Why can't you love me like you used to........Am I that bad?"

My mom started to cry also and tried to hold my hands, but I slapped them away, putting up a wall to block her.

" A mental hospital mom? Why do you want me here........why?"

" I don't. " she sobbed. " I want you with me, but you've changed, it's not like you. Ever since you came back from-"

" Don't say it......please?" I hated talking about the past two and a half years, I hated just thinking about it. It's not that it was all bad, but it was the root of everything that had went wrong in my life. It's when I lost everything, and perhaps it's when I lost my mind too.

" How's therapy?" she asked the doctor as he approached behind me, realizing it was time to give the subject a rest.

" It's fine." he replied boldly, implying that he didn't want to discuss it.

" Natalie said she's gonna come and visit. " she said after the doctor left.

The sound of that was great, but I knew she wouldn't. There's not much of a friendship anymore, even though I'm still trying my best to hold on to it.

She bent down to hug me, but I put my arm up. She nodded and walked away.













Chapter Four


" Melanie," my therapist said in a natural tired and high voice. " I think it's time we talk about it. You need to explore your feelings."

I absolutely hated therapy. I have it three times a week. My therapist, Dr. Meeker, she honestly meant well, but seemed too far from common sense. Maybe she was someone that has to grow on you. In a lot of ways I'm jealous of her. Her brown eyes are so full of love and mine seem so empty and lost. Hers look so pure especially when she talks about her family. She keeps a picture of her daughter on her desk who looks a lot like her. Both of them have black hair and a natural tan glow like an Italian.

" Talk about it? There's nothing to talk about. Thanks to my freaking mom, I was kidnapped for two years. While I was gone everything fell apart and I lost everything. I jumped off a building to try to end my pain. Now I'm crippled." I looked at her knowing there were evil in my eyes. " Happy now?"

" Mel-"

" Is the session over yet?" I asked trying my best to avoid a real discussion.

She nodded her " I'll see you on Thursday."

I went back up to my room. I rolled myself over to my bed and used my strength to lift myself on to it. I laid there for several minutes and began to think of the day I was kidnapped.

The morning was a cold March morning with a few flurries drifting in the breath snatching wind. The gray clouds hung low over the tall trees as if they were greeting each other.

" Hey, " Natalie said waking me up from my deep sleep. " I"m gonna go...but I"ll see you later."

It had been fiver years since we met at that beach. I had moved into her neighborhood. We spend almost everyday together hanging out or going to the local bowling alley or ice cream shop.

I stumbled through the hall and stood at the door and watched her walk home which was only a football field away, like all the other houses around. We lived in the outskirts of town and our nearest . store was a couple miles away. I stood there as she walked away in her blue jeans and baby blue sweater.

I stood in the kitchen bouncing foot to foot trying to warm up. I went and stood in front of the fireplace.

" Wanna go the the store for me?" my mom asked as she walked into the room.

I looked out the window and seen the coldness. " Not really." I replied giving her a funny look.

" Go." my dad yelled from the other room, where he always seemed to eavesdrop.

" It's okay!" she yelled back.

He walked through the house to us and pointed his finger at me, letting me know he was in a bad mood. " No, we don't have the gas money. It ain't gonna hurt her.

" Fine, I'll go!" I went upstairs to get dressed and then I left.

The cold air snatched the breath right out of my lungs and bit my chin and uncovered ears.

My dad wasn't always like that, he just had his moods like anyone else, but when he has one of his moods you know not to mess with him. I know he loved me and always will.

About a mile into my walk I began to approach a strange house. Then all of a sudden a man came running out and another man following. Behind them followed a woman crying. The bald one grabbed the other mans arm and pulled him towards him, leading into a punch in the face. The man fell to the ground. The bald one pulled out a gun and pointed at him. I stopped to watch, not thinking. He pulled the trigger and the woman let out a cry similar to a dieing animal.

She dropped to the ground and held the shot man and cried on his bloody chest. All I could do was stand there stunned and try to take in what happened. My heart pounded harder, so much harder it felt like it was trying to get out of my chest and run away from the scene.

The man with the gun turned around to see me standing there. Fear and rage came out of his voice. " Who are you?!" he yelled.

My mind went blank as it began to search for an explanation. " I'm sorry, I was just walking by." The words seemed hard to get out, it was like they were stuck. " I'm sorry."

He quickly walked over to me and grabbed my wrist and flung me down on the ground. He laid onto of my back struggling with something. I had never been more horrified. I was too scared to cry or scream, almost too scared to breath. I didn't know if he was going to kill me or set me free with a deal. Then I began to imagine me dead with my mom and dad, brother Jared, and Natalie at my funeral crying and wishing I wouldn't have left this world so young.

All of a sudden I felt something hard hit the back of my head, then I was gone. The next thing I remember was waking up and not knowing who I was or where I was.





Chapter Five


The feeling of not knowing who I was overtook me when I woke up. I began to panic and cry. I couldn't understand what was going on or how someone forget something like their name and other details like that. I didn't know where I was or anything.

Quickly I began to take control, taking deep breaths and letting them out.. I jumped up and looked around the room I was in. There was a full size bed, which I was sleeping in, a small dresser and and a closet right next to the door. I searched for some kind of information that might give me a clue about who I am. Unfortunately, there was nothing there.

Suddenly I seen the door knob begin to twist. My heart stopped and my breathing became heavier. I sat down on the bed not knowing what to expect. The door swung open and there stood a woman. She was tall and skinny with short brown hair and hazel looking eyes. I had no idea who she was, then again I didn't know who I was.

" I'm just coming to check on you Samantha." The strange woman announced. " How's your head?...does it still hurt?" She walked over to me, bent down and grabbed my head and began to feel around. She stopped and stepped back and starred me down.

? Um...? I began to say upset
. ? Where am I.....Who am I?? I asked with apprehensiveness in my voice.

She sat down beside me and looked me in the eyes. She had brown eyes like me and brown hair with an arrow shaped face. ? You're my daughter, Samantha Eavens.....and you are home....in your room.?

? Why don't I know any of this?? I asked trying to understand, trying to know, trying to remember.

? You were in a car accident last week sweetie, and you.......you lost your memory.? She looked nervous and sincere at the same time, as if she was trying to cover something up with heart filled eyes and a smile.

? What happened?? I asked next, wanting to know more about the thing that took my knowing and understanding away from me.

? You were hit by a minivan....your friend was driving.? she answered

? Is my friend okay?? I didn't know who my friend was...but at the time I felt obligated to check on her..or him.

? She's fine....a broken arm..but it could have been much worse. Like you.?

? That's good.? I replied, thinking it would be the thing to say.

? Well I'm gonna leave you alone so you can get your rest.? She began to leave but turned around. ? Just so you know sweetie, tomorrow you will start your home schooling. I don't think it's the best for you to go back to regular school just yet.?











Chapter Six

That Thursday I went to therapy dreading it and looking forward to it at the same time. Dr. Meeker reminded me of my old teacher Ms. Neal. They even looked the same, I knew there was no connection though. Ms. Neal really cared for me, and Dr. meeker had to. In my world there was a big difference between caring and having to care for a job.

I just sat through the beginning of the session as she was talking. I decided that it's times to get out of here, it's time to really take this serious so I wouldn't have to sit on this same old sofa, listen to her same old voice, and think about the world outside is looks.

? So, Melanie....how did you feel when you were kidnapped?? she asked, trying her best to flash her most concerned face.

I thought for a second and tried to put it together, but I realized there was nothing. ? Honestly, I didn't feel anything now that I think about it.?

She looked perplexed and almost shocked that I was answering her.

? They erased my memory, so ......I really didn't know I was kidnapped. I just thought I was in a family.....a very abnormal family, but a family.?

? So you didn't realize you had been kidnapped?? she asked still confused.

? No, they erased my memory.? I repeated.

? How can someone do that??

? With a shot....I'm sure there's probably other ways too...but they used a shot.??

? But how did they erase your memory??

By then I was getting frustrated. ? With a shot lady!?

? Okay....so you mean they injected you with some kind of shot....or substance that erased you memory??

? Yes!? I screamed. ? Get it through your freaking skull woman! What the hell is wrong with you that you don't understand a simple concept like this...Okay, let's do this again. They kidnapped me and they gave me a shot which is a needle and some kind of medicine or something in it to erase my memory so I wouldn't know who I was or anything.....You understand yet??

She got a smirk on her face and nodded. ? Good..?

?What?? I couldn't understand what was so good.

? Now we're getting somewhere. It's good that you're getting your anger out. You've had all this built up in you, and now it's coming out.?

? No, you don't understand! This ain't anger, it's ......it's....it's frustration! You're getting on my nerves woman.? The frustration was going through me like water through an hose.

She took a deep breath. ? I think we got far today. The session is over.?

I looked at her in disgust, shook my head, and then left. I was on my way to lunch when I was stopped and taken to the visiting room.

I quickly began to search to room for my mom, but she was nowhere to be found. But someone else very familiar sat in a chair by the door. A dreadful smile came over me as I wheeled myself over to her. I was so ashamed for her to see me in a wheelchair and the worst, a mental hospital.

I came face to face with Ms. Neal. Her eyes met mine and smiled. It was a nice silence, but nothing good can stay.

? How'd you find out?? The last time I seen her, she was unlocking me from Scott and Jamie's basement.

? I seen it in the newspaper a couple weeks ago when it happened. So I went back to your house and some new couple I'm assuming, told me what happened.? Her voice seemed naturally weak, but today it seemed even worse. She seemed to be on the edge of tears.? I swear I didn't know....? She looked down? and I'm sorry about what you've been through....no wonder you're here.?

If it was anyone else saying that I would probably be mad, but I couldn't be mad at her. I just looked down at my legs and thought of what the doctor said about them. ? You know, they said I'll never walk again. Do you think they're right??

She seemed shocked when I asked her that, as if she didn't realize I was even in a wheelchair. No words came out of her mouth. It was a long, awkward silence. But I felt like she was the only one i could talk to about it.

She leaned over to me and held my hands. ? I think you can do whatever you put your mind to....I know your potential and your heart.? Tears began to roll down her cheeks. ? And I know you will be able to get up and walk again. It'll take hard work, but you'll do it... I know you will.? She wiped the tears from her eyes. ? And I'll be here for you the whole time.?

I looked into her eyes and seen the tears, the real tears growing and trying to hold themselves in.

? Don't cry.? I comforted her. It was the first time I felt like someone was shedding real tears over me. Even though it was such a sorrowful moment, I actually smiled.

It brought me back to a day when I was still with Scott and Jamie. Scott was on one of his rampages that day, which he usually had once or twice a month. He always took them out on either me or Jamie, sometimes both of us.

Jamie, Ms. Neal, and I were all in the kitchen. They were keeping me occupied with geometry, so I wouldn't get in his way. We could hear Scott's loud body stomp through the small house. Every step my heart would beat faster and my brain would move farther from sectors and annulus's.

Then, with a loud bang, he slung open the kitchen door. He bent over the table and came face to face with me, just inches away. His breath smelled like beer and cigarettes and it was too disgusting to smell. My mind was racing as if it and my heart were trying to beat each other to some kind of finish line. My palms were getting sweating and my legs became jerky.

? What did I tell you to do Monday?? He asked as his face began to turn beet red. I knew it was coming. ? Didn't I tell you to clean your dirty a** room?!? he yelled, already knowing the answer. A lump developed in my throat and I sucked back the tears, knowing if I tried to talk they would pour out.

? Scott.? Jamie, or my mom at the time said standing up. ? Leave her alone.? Her eyes were trying to connect with his so that maybe he would be convinced to stop. But it didn't work.

? No!? He yelled at her. ? You need to stop babying her all the time!?

She flung her arm up and acted as if she was gonna take a shot at smacking him, but before she could he had already struck her to the ground. Ms. Neal gasped and jumped up.

? No! Don't!? I heard my self yelling and trying to protect her. All I knew was that she was my om and I loved her, sure I thought I loved Scott, but Jamie and I were close. I bent over to help her up but a quick pain hit the side of my gut. I fell over beside her and then Scott's boot came at me and hit me in the gut again. I tried to get up but as soon as I reached my Knees his first reached my mouth. The pain didn't last long cause I blacked out.

I laid there half an our unconscious while M. Neal and Jamie bandaged me up and tried to help the pain. I don't know where Scott had went but I was glad he was gone.

I came back to reality and Ms. Neal was still in front of me. She reached over and moved the hair out in front of my eyes.

? Well hun,? she began. ? I better go. I will be back again though.......are you going to be okay??

I nodded my head. ? Thanks for coming.......it really means a lot.?

She gave me a smile and left.














Chapter Seven

That Monday my mom was suppose to come and visit me. I went down to the visiting room, hoping she would who up soon. The first twenty minutes went by fast, but the next twenty minutes seemed like eternity. I fiddled with my fingers, skimmed through a magazine, went through state capitals, and attempted to count the tiles on the ceiling.

Finally I went to lunch, still waiting for someone to come tell me she was here. But no one came, and no one came during my tutoring. Not a phone call or a visit. So at about 3pm I went back to the visiting room. I must say I actually fell asleep waiting on her. At 5:30 a nurse came and got me.

? Melanie Tea?? she asked making sure.

I opened my eyes looking surprised. I looked around and seen her. ? Yes.? I replied, thinking my mom was somewhere to be found.

? Are you Melanie??

? Yeah.? I repeated.

? The doctor wants to see you.?

I seemed even more surprised as she took me to him. I was wheeled into his office. It was cold, like any other doctor office, and it was pretty intense in there.

After waiting just a few minutes, which usually takes forever, he walked in. ? Good afternoon Ms. Melanie.? he greeted me. He sat down in a chair and began digging through files as I began to get nervous and fiddle my thumbs, which I always do wen I'm either nervous or bored.

? Well,? he started to speak, ? last time you were in here I told you you would never walk again....is that correct?? His eyes seemed a little unsure while he looked at a file.

? Yes sire.? I answered. ? That's correct.? I thought for a second about what Ms. Neal told me. ? But ain't there surgery or ......therapy I can do??

He gave me a questioning look and rolled his chair over to me. He placed his hand on my knee and squeezed it. ? Do you feel that??

I wanted to say yes, even though it was untrue, but I said ? No.?

He repeated the process in several other places.

? Honestly Melanie, the tests you did last week came back....now don't let me get your hopes up........but maybe you'll get feeling back, but like I said don't let me get your hopes up because there's no guarantees.

The sound of that made my heart leap and a grin show, which was rare these days. Then, for the next ten minutes he did the usual; heart rate, breathing, and all that doctor stuff.

After I left the doctor's appointment I went back down to the visiting area, still holding on to that chance of my mom showing up. Then after about half an hour of waiting, I started making up excuses that could make me feel better. I thought that maybe she was caught in traffic, or someone was in the hospital. There were so many excuses that could have been made but why couldn't she pick up the phone and call me? Did she really not want to see me?

It reminded me of a time when me and Natalie were in the woods. It was one of those hot summer days that was just so dreadfully hot that the sweat on your arms were too lazy to drip off. You could hardly stand to walk out the door. There were no swimming pool in our neighborhood and no money for the city pool or ice cream. So we walked the twenty minutes to the woods, one of our favorite spots, and dipped our feet in the cool creek water.

We knew we weren't allowed in, or else we would be in trouble in a heartbeat. We sat there for an hour just talking about school and random things like what would be good flavors of donuts. Then we decided to climb a tree. We grabbed a branch and pulled ourselves up and then reached around.

I went to grab another branch but a spider came crawling out of no where. It looked like a wood spider, which was probably harmless, but it was still terrifying to me. I was deathly afraid of spiders so my first instinct told me to jump down into the creek, which I did.

Natalie jumped in too, just to do it I guess. We swam down the creek and let the current take us away. The water was cool and the sun warmed our bellies when they lifted out of the water.

Evening was setting in by the time we reached an unfamiliar open field out of the woods. By then we realized that we were lost. It took us about three hours to get back home. Our parents were so worried and at the same time they were so relieved to know we were okay.

I finally went to bed that night feeling like it was my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at my mom like I did, I probably should have told her that I enjoyed her visit. If it was my stubbornness, guilt, or just fear of being hurt again, I didn't tell her and now I regretted it more that ever. I just missed the simpler times in life.

The next morning I got up and quickly began to pinch my legs all over, like the doctor did the day before. I didn't feel anything though. Later, after tutoring, I had therapy. I was still hurt about my mom not coming, or even calling for that matter. But I didn't show it through anger like usual.

I sat there thinking of why my own mother wouldn't want to see me. Did she love me like she said she did, or was love an illusion? Is it something people think is there, but it's really not? Did I really hurt her that bad?

Dr. Meeker began talking to me, but what she was saying I couldn't comprehend because I was too busy pondering on the thought that I had actually hurt my mom more than she hurt me. Why would she love me now, why would she even want me as a child?

? Melanie.? Dr. Meeker said loudly, finally grabbing my attention. ? Are you okay??

? Yeah,? I responded ? I was just thinking....that's all.?

Her face was wondrous and her eyes silent. ? Well, is there anything you want to talk about?? she asked trying to be helpful.

I thought for a second and reminded myself that I had to mend the problems with my mom and everyone else in my life. So I took her offer into consideration thinking of the possibility of my mom finally forgiving me.

? I realize now that I hurt my mom...but,? Dr. Seeker's face was anxious now that I was actually talking to her calmly and seriously. ? But can it stop her from loving me??

She looked at me for a second with disbelief, but then with realization. ? Yeah.....some people stop loving their friends, some even end up hating others. But in situations like yours, you don't. It's not your fault, you were just.....you weren't in the right mind. You had went through a lot and you whole life changed and basically turned upside down.?

Usually when someone told me I wasn't in my right mine, or crazy, I took it offensively. But when she said it, I took it to heart and realized it was time to get better. I thought for another second. ? So......how can you tell if someone really loves you??

She looked at me as if she couldn't understand. ? What do you mean??

I took a deep breath, ? I mean...like sometimes love is an illusion...right?? she nodded a little unsure. ? So how can you tell if someone really loves you??

Her eyes tried to read me before she answered. ? I really don't know how to answer that.? she licked her lips and sighed. ? But I can tell you that your mom loves you.....Maybe you're not suppose to truly know, maybe you're suppose to test it.?

? Then why didn't she come yesterday when she said she would come see me?? I replied with bitterness in my voice.

? Maybe something came up. But she loves you....don't you worry bout that.?

I nodded my head, trying my best to believe it, but then i began to think about Jamie. ? Did Jamie really love me like she said she did, or was that an illusion??

Dr. Meeker seemed perplexed. She squinted her eyes a little and looked at me as if she was trying to read my mind and understand everything I was thinking. ? Melanie, I think that in some twisted way, she did love you.?

I smiled, knowing she had to be right.

















Chapter Eight


I think after the first year of living with Scott and Jamie, I should have realized that something wasn't right. But I couldn't, all I knew was that I had no past and they were my present and future. I knew, compared to TV families, that they were different and the weird thing was that I was different from them and I sure didn't act like them. I hated getting my hair done, Jamie was always insisting that i dye my hair different colors. They never let me go to regular school or go try to meet new people. I was so isolated in my own world.

The only time they ever took me somewhere was to the movies or out of town. I didn't even know what a store looked like on the inside. But that's all I knew, to me I thought it was normal, I thought I was normal. Usually my days were the same, they consisted of breakfast, homeschooling, lunch, more homeschooling, dinner, some TV, and then bed. And between all that I had many chores.

All of the time, well most of the time I felt alone. Scott and Jamie would never understand and I would never tell them. Jamie would feel bad and Scott would just get angry. He's sees life as something he gave me and could never see anyone else's pain.

After a year though they became more of pushovers and let me go with them to the store. I was Scott's shoplifting buddy. Our biggest bank was also the most weirdest situations for me.

? Okay Sam,? Scott said as we walked into the shopping center. ? Get fifty dollars worth of stuff and find me so we check out together.?

? Where do we meet at dad?? I asked him, excited.

? Hmm...? he said rubbing his beard. ? How about by the escalator.? he looked at his watch. ? In an hour.?

? Okay.? I replied as I wondered off.

I took some clothes and went into the dressing rooms. I would put shorts and tank tops under the ones I already had on, and then put some jeans into my shopping basket so no one would suspect anything. But what I really wanted was some of my oldies Cd's. Scott and Jamie never bought them for me cause they didn't like the oldies.

Standing at the shelf looking, I turned around and a dark haired girl stood there in front of me with her jaw dropped. I never really talked to girls around my age, so I didn't know what to say. We stood there which seemed to be forever, and for some reason she looked familiar. It was the familiar you have when you know something but at the same time you don't remember and it drives you nuts.

? I thought you were dead.? She said softly. ? I can't believe it.?

I looked around not knowing why she was saying that to me. ? Are you talking to me?? I asked confused.

Melanie even sounded familiar and it seemed like she matched up with the name Natalie, but I still couldn't make the connection. ? My name is Sam...Samantha Eavens.?

? No.? She debated. ? You're Melanie Tea!? The she looked unsure. ? Are you??

I became so uncomfortable and I felt bad for the poor girl. I shook my head with a sorrowful look. ? I'm sorry, but I'm Sam Eavens. Resident of Ashbrooke, Oregon. I'm not Melanie Tea.?

She nodded with light tears rolling down her cheeks and then left.

I ended up buying $40 worth of stuff and shoplifting about $50 worth of stuff. To me it was a rush, a great experience of teenage American culture. But the next week we got caught for shoplifting candy bars and cigarettes from gas station. We basically just got a slap on the hand.

Scott decided we wouldn't do it anymore for a while, so that was the end of the father daughter time we had. I must say that after that I was afraid to shoplift, and I never did it again.

But Jamie still demanded our time together. So every Saturday morning she would take me upstate to an indoor/ outdoor ice rink. Jamie had almost made it to the Olympics in high school for ice skating, but she twisted her ankle during her performance. So we went every Saturday and she gave me lessons.

At first I was awful, I could hardly even stand up on the ice, but over time I became amazing. When I was on the ice I felt invincible, I would glide across the ice flawlessly and jump up and twist around with all my might. Skating seemed to come to me one day after weeks of hard work. I just wanted something out of my life one day. When I stepped on the ice something told me to just skate. I did my first triple that day. After that I never thought about what I was doing, it was like my legs did their own thing on the ice. It was my sanctuary. I wanted so badly to compete, but Jamie told me no, so I left it alone.

Now, sitting in my room in my wheelchair, I knew I would never experience the joy that filled me up while skating again.












Chapter Nine


The next three days flew by like a jet going to Paris form England. Nobody came to visit, which kinda brought my spirits down. But we were really making progress in therapy, and Dr. Meeker even got me a special lunch form my favorite rester aunt.

I was sitting in my room pinching my legs, hoping for some feeling when a nurse walked in. ? Melanie.? She said looking at me and smiling. ? Someone is here to visit you.?

A smile came upon my face. ? I'll be down.?

She nodded her head and left. I put on a hoody and wheeled myself down to the visitors room. I didn't know who to expect and I didn't hope for anyone in particular, I just hoped they wouldn't judge me.

I looked around to see who came and I spotted her. Dark curly hair and big brown eyes. Big boned but skinny and a dark complexion. Natalie's face went from happy to sorrowful when she seen me coming towards her. A concerned expression came across my face as I reached her.

? What's wrong?? I asked worrying about the sadness in her eyes.

Her face went blank. ? Nothing, why do you think somethings wrong?? she asked apprehensively.

? Your face...it just......? my voice faded out and I looked down. I guess I knew what was wrong when she seen me. An awkward silence came over us. I wanted to talk to her like we used to, but things were different and I knew we might not ever be back to where we were. I knew I hurt her too and forgiveness is hard to come by these days. It's not something you can find taped to the bottom of your lunch tray.

She looked up at me and smiled with high spirits. ? You know Mel, the first thing we're gonna do when you get outta here is gonna go ice skating.....I hear you're really good!?

The light that was inside me burned out. I knew she meant well and didn't think about what she was saying, but it was still disappointing hearing her say it.

? What's wrong?? she asked, sensing something was wrong.

I didn't want her to feel bad. ? Nothing.? I replied giving her a sincere smile.

She looked at me and starred me down. Then she finally noticed and took it to heart. ?Mel,? she said in a strained voice. ? I......I swear I wasn't thinking.?

? It's cool, don't worry about it.? I assured her.

? No, I'm so sorry. ....I ....?

? Natalie. It's okay.? I said trying to let her know I wasn't mad.

The awkward silence fell over us once again like a thick blanket was smuggling us, not allowing us to talk. I wanted to talk to her, I just didn't know what to say or how to begin. I sat there searching for something to say. But my brain wouldn't help me out at all.

? Hey Mel,? she said, finally breaking the silence between us. ? remember when you first moved beside me and came to my school??

? Yeah.? I snickered thinking back to the good times. ? You were like the most popular girl in school and I was the new girl.?

? Ha ha, yeah. And within a week you were popular.?

I nodded my head in agreement. ? What's that trip down memory lane all about??

? Well do you remember what I told you your first day of school??

? Yeah.....no? I said, trying to remember.

? I told you we will go through rough times together, but we'll always be best friends.?

Then it dawned on me. I remembered her saying that after I got made fun of my first day of school. I smiled and nodded my head.

The great moment lasted a few minutes before her mom called her cell phone and she had to leave.

I still couldn't figure out how I could forget all the people I love and not remember them. I think the first time I even considered something was wrong at Scott and Jamie's was about two weeks after I met Natalie at the store. Everything that happened kept going back to that moment.

Once, Ms. Neal had to send my birth records for my schooling to the state and Jamie or Scot neither one could find them. Then they forgot my birthday and they didn't have any pictures of me as a baby. Everything began to seem odd which kept pointing to my meeting with Natalie.

So I finally convinced Ms. Neal to take me to the library where I looked up Melanie Tea on the Internet. There was so much about her. From what was said, she was kidnapped and then killed. When they found her body it was all chopped up and unrecognizable. When they tested it the blood types matched, but the DNA didn't. Then it showed a picture of her and that's when everything changed. She had my face but not my hair color. My heart stopped ant he breath was knocked out of me.

Something connected but my brain seemed to block the connection. I closed my eyes and concentrated on it. My breath came back heavily and still the connection would get lost. So I concentrated on Natalie's face and finally I seen her, but it wasn't the same Natalie I seen at the store. This Natalie was sitting across from me in a lunch room. She was laughing along with a bunch of other girls.

It finally hit me. I didn't remember everything but I remembered Natalie and the other girls. Now things began to make sense.

After that I tried to put pieces of the puzzle together. I guess you can say I became kinda lippy with Scott, I really couldn't help myself. One day Scott told me to take out the garbage and I was doing my homework. I told him to hold on which set off his temper. ? You know little girl.? he began to shout. ? As much as I do for you, you can't do this one thing?? I put my head done because usually when he yelled I would cry. ? When I tell you to do something, I expect you to do it respectfully.?

I looked up just in time to see his hand coming towards my face. I flinched back at the stinging pain and ran to my room. I heard him leave in his broken down Ford which sounded like a sick toad with a smokers cough. I buried my face into my pillow and waited for Jamie to come in like she usually did to comfort me.

Jamie walked in and sat on my bed. ? Are you okay sweetie?? she asked softly.

I raised up and looked at her, her sincerity was showing more than ever. After looking into her eyes I doubted the theory of me not being me. I raised up and hugged her. ? I'm fine.?

? You know he loves you Sam.? I just don't always understand the things he does.? She began to play with my hair.

? Mom.? I said in a curious tone. ? What was I like when I was little.?

She looked at me as if I was a stranger. Then her eyes seemed to wonder off into a different world as she began to talk to me. ? You were the greatest little girl. Labor was hard as hell.? she smirked. ? But it was worth it. You were so smart as a baby, so curious....it was like you wanted to know everything, like you just wanted to keep learning.? She sighed . ? I used to work with you everyday until you went to school, I just prided myself in you.? Then she began to laugh. ? And sometimes your curiosity got you in trouble. One day in school you got curious and wanted to find out what your teacher would look like with short hair. She had her hair up, and boy was her hair long....you snuck up behind her while she was reading to your class and you cut off the whole pony tail. Lets just say you got suspended for a while.? She laughed and shook her head. ? But Sam was just an amazing person, good hearted and just amazing.?

After she said that something dawned on me. ? Mom, I'm still here.? Her eyes came back to reality. She gave me a shocking look as if she didn't know who I was and then a look as if she did something wrong.

? I meant you were...you are an amazing person.....I'm sorry sweetie.? She explained herself.

Something in my heart told me it was all wrong, but something told me to go with the flow and try to accept the fact I was really in a dysfunctional family.
















Chapter Ten


My mom still hadn't come to visit and I still couldn't understand why. It made me worry about my brother, what if he had died and she was off doing stuff for his funeral and army stuff. For the rest of the day, that was all I could think about. I kept getting an image in my head of him laying in some desert with half his body chopped up and a puddle of blood underneath him.


I tried to get the image out of my head before I went to bed so I didn't dream about it. I always heard that if you go to bed with something on your mind, you will dream about it. I've actually had experiences like it too. Once I went to bed thinking about owning a monkey and how cool it was, that night I dreamed that Apes were taking over the world. Instead of my brothers image in my head, I thought about me ice skating, gliding across the ice and twirling around in the air gracefully. After imagining that, I was reminded to do my nightly leg check. I pocked and pinched my legs all over with high hopes, which ended in disappointment.

I began to think about the horror that I would never skate again. Skating to me was like swimming for a fish. I had to do it, it just made me happy. It didn't matter what I was going through, after stepping on the ice, I just forgot everything and let my legs do the thinking for once instead of my brain. While thinking of pulling off a triple, I reached down and scratched an itch that was on my ankle. It didn't occur to me what just happened until I almost fell asleep. I felt another itch and thought to myself something was wrong. NO! Something was right. I began pinching my ankle with anxiety and then I felt it again. A small spot on my ankle had feeling back. I was so excited I couldn't talk. I could hardly breath or even think.

The next morning I did my leg check and still only the one spot on my ankle had feeling. When I told my doctor, all he said was it was an improvement. ? That's it?? I said to myself. ? Just an improvement? Is this doctor on crack?........Maybe it's normal.?

At therapy we began to talk about social skills. ? Well Melanie.? Dr. Meeker said in her curious voice. ? I have noticed that you haven't made any friends in here.?

I gave her a perplexed look. ? Well Doc, last time I checked it's a mental hospital....Not a social party or a bingo night.?

She snickered, which became a common thing when I cracked jokes like that. ? Mel, now seriously. It don't matter if you're in prison for murder.-?

? What?? I interrupted apprehensively. ? What does murder have to do with anything?.....I mean why is it always considered murder? Can't they call it something like....forceful shooting?? I noticed that I was talking fast, which I always did when I was nervous.

She looked at me stunned like I said something wrong, which I might have. ? Melanie, it was just an example, that's it.? She took a long pause which consisted of a large sigh. ? Is there something else you want to talk about??

I shook my head no, realizing that I might have started something else I didn't want to talk about.

? Melanie..? Dr. Meeker said in a soft, unsure voice. ? Did Scott and Jamie make you kill someone.? She seemed nervous, as if she thought I was going to snap, which I probably would have done if i didn't see the fear in her eyes.

I just starred at her, not knowing how to respond to her significant question. I said the first thing that popped in my head. ? I have homework, I can't talk right now.?

? Melanie, you can tell me anything.? She assured me which made me upset for some unknown reason.

? What's it even matter? For God sakes woman, don't you get it? I have homework, I can't waste my time talking about senseless things like this!?

I seen her jaws lock, which usually meant she was either pissed or hurt....or both. ? Well excuse me for trying to help.? Her voice was cold with a bit of sorrow in it.

? Have you ever thought that I don't need your help?? I laughed with anger. ? Oh yeah! Just help the poor crippled girl.? I shook my head as I watched tears roll down her sun kissed face. ? If it wasn't for my freaking mother, I wouldn't even be in here. Oh I bet you're gonna try to tell me now that everyone cares for me.....Well have you ever thought that no one does. Huh? Have you thought about that? You get paid to care. My mom was the one who paid off Scott to kill me......The only one who truly cares is Ms. Neal.?

She shook her head at me in disgust and then stormed out of the room. It wasn't the first time I went off on her, one time I even threw a lamp at her. I knew she cared for me, but I really didn't want to face anyone caring for me, even though I longed for my mother's love.

I then began to think about why my mom hadn't come to visit once again. I kept debating myself on the thought of calling her.

After tutoring and dinner, I finally decided that calling her would be appropriate. I slowly dialed my mom's cell phone number and listed to it ring. It rang several times with no answer. I decided to hang up when. I went to put the phone down but I heard a voice.

? Hello.......Hello? Is anyone there? She said over the phone.

I quickly put the phone up to my ear and replied to my moms voice. ? Mom, it's me.?

? Melanie?? She asked in a perplexed voice, as if she didn't believe me.

? Yeah, mom......it's Melanie.? I said trying to convince her it was really me on the phone and not someone lieing to her.

? Is everything okay?? her voice was still confused, but at the same time it sounded strained, as if she was worried about something.

I really didn't expect this, I visioned her answering the phone in panic, telling me how much she loved and missed me, and then rushing over to see me. Then I seen myself loved enough to have the strength to run to her as she entered the doors to the visiting room. But, I guess nothing is what it seems. ? Yeah, everything is fine...I just? I began to hesitate some, as if I was afraid to talk to her. ? I just missed you. You haven't come to see me any.?

She was quiet and the fear came over me over maybe my theory was true. Maybe my brother was dead. ? Are you there.? I asked, almost ready to demand an answer on why she hadn't come to see me.

? I'm sorry.? She finally replied. ? It's just that your grandma has been sick. She's been in and out of the hospital with her blood pressure and diabetes. Hasn't been a good couple of weeks for her.? She explained. Then her voice went kind of panicky. ? I asked someone to tell you that I wouldn't be over for a while, they said they would......I swear sweetie, I didn't forget about you.?

A sudden relief came over me, knowing my brother was fine. ? Well is grandma okay now?? I asked, just to be sure everything was okay with her.

? Oh yeah, now she is.? My mom reassured me. ? You know how she gets sometimes.? She paused for a few seconds. ? I'll come see you tomorrow......I had already planned on it.?

I smiled. ? Really?? I asked, sounding like a little kid again.

? Yeah, I just thought you got my message, sorry to worry you.....or make you think I didn't care.?

? Oh it's fine mom, it's fine.? I said, wanting her to know it didn't matter. ? I guess I'll see you tomorrow then.?


I hung up the phone with excitement and went up to my room.


I sat by my window and starred outside at the scenery. A flock of birds caught my eye. They were dancing over an empty field, putting on a show. Watching them made me think of skating. They get in an awkward alignment and fly up from the field and then separate quickly and then seem to fall. It was like a show they were putting on for the nature that surrounded them. When ever the trees would suede with the wind, it reminded me of an audience clapping. I had never noticed how entertaining and beautiful a flock of birds were.

? Melanie.? A familiar voice said from behind me.

I turned my wheelchair around to see Dr. Meeker standing in my door way with a brown paper bag in her hands. ? Hey.? I said in a low voice, embarrassed of my behavior from earlier. ? I'm sorry.?

I figured you were. She walked over and sat on my bed across from me. I got you something for later. She handed me the bag. I opened it and looked inside anxiously. I pulled out a little point of ice cream and a spoon. It had been forever since I had ice cream.

? Thanks.? I said smiling.

? Listen.? She said, demanding my attention. I looked into her eyes which seemed serious this evening, which was almost rare. ? I scheduled you to come in tomorrow, I think we need to talk about it.?

It could have been so many things, but I knew what it was. I think it was time to tell her about the dreams.














Chapter Eleven


Spring was setting in at Scott and Jamie's . The birds would wake me up with their morning songs and the sun would beam through my window making my pillow feel warmer. While homeschooling I would usually gaze through the window and admire the trees and flowers blooming with a fresh start until late fall. It was also the time we all had a family vacation to northern California. I always felt a connection with northern California.

Scott and Jamie decided to bring Ms. Neal along with us, since Ms. Neal and Jamie grew to be great friends. It was late April, early May when we went on our adventure, which was my second time I ever recalled going with them. On the way down I admired the scenery as the adults talked about recipes and music.

When we reached our destination I jumped out of the SUV and inhaled the air which smelled like tree bark and fresh mowed grass. The woods we were in were almost bare compared to the campsite that was about a quarter of a mile down the road. I looked up to the never ending trees and the moss growing all around. Nearby was a little clear creek which for some reasons brought back unknown memories to me, in which I couldn't recall. But I still knew there were some kind of memory.

We set up camp and I shared a tent with Ms. Neal, who seemed like a sister through it all. Scott sent Ms. Neal and I out to get fire wood for the evening which was almost ready to begin to set in. We made our way to the campsite nearby, not realizing it. As we began to see people swimming in the creek, Ms. Neal became apprehensive. ? I think we should head back the other way.? She said.

? But there's wood right there.? I said pointed to some broken tree limbs by the creek. I seen something wrong in her eyes, I thought maybe she didn't like people. ? How's this.? I said trying to make her feel better. ? Why don't I go get that and you go get some of that over there.? I pointed to some wood which was quite a ways away.

Ms. Neal gave me a smile and nodded. I watched her as she began to walk towards the wood, then I turned around and began to gather wood. I bent down to get a short, fat stick when I seen feet right in front of me. I grabbed the stick and got up to see a familiar face.

Natalie stood right in front of me. Part of me knew her, remembered her, and the other part told me to back away from the stranger.

? Melanie?? She asked. Her voice was just as unsure as it was the day in the store. ? Is it you??

I looked at her unsure. Everything in my heart told me yes, but my brain wouldn't allow me. I knew I had to break the rules and tell that brain of mine yes. ? Natalie?? I asked. ? Are you Natalie??

A huge smile came across her face and she nodded. ? Yes, you remember!? She leaned into hug me, but knowing Ms. Neal was nearby I stepped back.

? Why do I know you.? I asked, trying to make my theory and memories make since. ? Why is there some kind of connection that my brain is blocking??

Her eyes seemed perplexed at what I said, as if she didn't understand what I was saying to her. ? I don't know Mel-?

? My name is Sam......I think.? I interrupted. Why did she keep calling me Melanie? Was it some other name of mine? ? Who are you??

? I'm your best friend....Natalie. We're like sisters.? She said with confidence.

? Then why don't I know you??

? I don't know. You came up missing like a little over a year ago, they told us you were dead.?

I turned around to see where Ms. Neal was, she was heading back to me with an arm full of wood. My mind thought quick. ? No.....I'm Sam. I'm sorry for you lost. I have to go.?

I ran over to Ms. Neal with my arms full of wood. ? Who was that?? She asked pointing her head towards Natalie.

? I don't know.? I replied, acting as if nothing was wrong. ? Just some girl looking for someone.?

She looked at me suspiciously, like she already knew.

We went back to our camp and ate some grilled hot dogs and hamburgers. That night we had smores, and then went to bed.

The next day I asked Scott if I could go over to the campsite and swim with some kids my age. ? We came as a family....we're not here for you to make friends.? He responded coldly.

? Oh come one!? Jamie interrupted. ? She never gets to hang out with anyone her own age.?

Scott looked at her coldly. Then nodded his head. I sprinted to the campsite, determined to find Natalie. I went over by the creek where a bunch of other kids were hanging out. I couldn't spot her any, so I went to where all the tents were. I still couldn't find her. All I found were some drunks and a mother holding a crying baby. I began to head back to where we setup camp when I seen her and another girl, who looked much older than her, walking towards me.

? Mel- I mean Sam.? She said with excitement in her voice. ? What are you doing??

? Actually, I was kinda looking for you.? I said apprehensively.

She smiled and so did the other girl. ? This is my sister Susan.? Natalie said introducing the other girl. The name Susan also rang a bell. ? So what did you need??

? Umm.....? I hesitated. ? I was wondering if I could talk to you about that Melanie chick.?

She nodded her head understandingly. ? Let's go over there and talk.? She requested while pointed to the the creek bank.

She told me all about her friend Melanie and her family. Melanie seemed so much like me, it was more than scary, it was horrifying. I knew me and Melanie had a connection. Then a theory came to me. What if that Melanie chick was adopted and we were actually twin sisters. That had to be the truth, thats why we were so alike and I felt a connection with her name and Natalie.

? Well I'm sorry about your friend.? I apologized before I began to leave.

? Wait!? She said aggressively. ? Don't you see??

I looked in her eyes and I understood she wasn't going to accept the fact that Melanie was gone. I knew I had to tell her my truth.

? Don't you see Sam?? She said again. ? You're Melanie. That's why everything is connected. Just think about it!?

? No.? I said sincerely. ? I'm sorry. Melanie was my twin sister. She was adopted at birth. It's okay though........I feel connected to her too.?

I went back to the campsite and joined Scott, Jamie, and Ms. Neal who were all talking to another couple.

That night I had a nightmare, which I had continuously until I figured out what they mean. For some reason I couldn't fall asleep that night. Ms. Neal was laying beside of me, dead asleep. I just laid there wide awake listening to the crickets sing in the night and smelled the red wood trees all around me. When I finally drifted off to sleep I began dreaming.

In my dream I was standing alone in a room, a cold dark room. For some reason fear was shooting through me while my legs jerked and my arms ached with some kind of burning pain. I tried to move but my legs were stuck together with something that felt like a rope and so were my wrists.

The only thing I was familiar with was the voices in the distance shouting. They were coming from above me with unclear words. Then, all of a sudden it stopped. I became confused just as I heard loud footsteps coming towards me. My heart began to pound harder and my breathing almost stopped. The fear spouted all through me as I began to shake. The sound of a door swinging came right before a light twitching on.

I could then seem my surroundings. I was in some kind of basement looking place. Concrete floors and walls surrounded me. Tools and yard supplies on one side of me and a pillow and blanket was in the floor on the other side. And above the pillow and blanket there were two short chains hanging down from the wall. They were drilled in it looked like, and on the ends of them were cuff like things.

Standing in front of me was a man. He was rather tall and large with short, almost bald and seemed to be in his mid-forties. I just stood there, not able to move, and hardly able to think.

Now that the light was on, I could see why I couldn't move. There was a rope tied around my legs and my wrists. . There was also a chain hanging from my bloody wrists down to my ankles.

I was weak and afraid. My body ached with throbbing pain, especially my head. It felt like a sledge hammer had hit me in back of my head. Every muscle hurt in my body and I knew by the look his his eyes he was going to kill me. But he just stood there, observing me which made me question my theory.

I finally looked at him and asked ? Are you going to kill me, sir??

He smiled. ? You're already dead.? His voice was raspy and chills went through me as he said that. Was I really dead? I was standing there alive, barely, but alive. Then again, maybe I was dead. I didn't ever recall being dead, so how would I know what it's like to be dead.

He then walked towards me and slugged me right in the face, and knocked me out.

I woke up in a cold sweat with fear in my heart. The man in my dream was Scott, which really bothered me. Something was weird about that dream, almost like it had happened to me before. I laid there in the tent and listened to Ms. Neal breathe and tried to get myself back to sleep. I couldn't so I quietly got out of the tent and went to sit by the fire.

There wasn't much left of the fire, just a few small flame still blazing on a small log. I poked it around a little and wrapped up in a warm blanket to stay warm. I sat there about twenty minutes until I heard someones tent unzip. I turned around to see Ms. Neal crawling out of our tent still half asleep.

? You okay?? she asked as she sat by me.

I stared at the fire while I nodded.

? Why you up then?? She asked.

? Just a bad dream....can't sleep.? I replied finally looking at her.

? You want to talk about it?? Her voice was sincere and sweet.

I shook my head no and just looked at the fire trying to get the dream out of my head. Then I heard another tent open up and turned to see Jamie walking towards me.

? Hey. What's going on?? Jamie asked rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

? She had a bad dream.? Ms. Neal answered. ? She can't sleep.?

Jamie sat on the other side of me and put her arm around me. ? It's okay baby.