Monday morning. Ugh. I hated Mondays. I'd already been woken up close to six or seven times this morning, and now it really was time to get out of bed. But it's so warm... I kept thinking. I pushed on out of bed and ran downstairs at the smell of chocolate pancakes, as always. Breakfast always made me happy. I walked into our large kitchen, and immediately walked over to the stove, plucking a large pancake straight off the griddle. 

My siblings were already at school, as their school started before my high school did. I barely ate any of my large pancakes, I was so nervous for my first day of high school! I grabbed My small bag and headed out the door into the wintery weather to walk down the street to school. I instantly regretted not accepting a ride from my mother. When I finally got to the school, I realized just how huge it was. It was intimidating, to be honest. Everyone was pointing and whispering as I tried to find the freshman seminar they were having today. 

I got paranoid, as it seemed there was a boy following me around. At first, it was kinda creepy,and I tried to lose him in the winding hallways. After that failed, my paranoia level jumped up quite dramatically. I walked through a door that said "Student Seminar" in big, bold letters across the white marble double doors. The boy walked in behind me, and I walked into the corner of the classroom so that I could just be alone and have some peace and quiet. I sat down and plugged my headphones in, blasting PTV as usual. He walked up to me and asked if anyone was sitting with me at the table, as there were two chairs there. I was forced to allow him to sit with me, as nobody else would sit there. The seminar started, but I was more focused on who he was and why he was following me around.

 I took out my headphones and paid attention to the lesson at hand. He was staring at me the whole time. I could see out of the corner of my eyes. I'm not that attractive. I'm 5'5 with a very thin build, I don't eat much, and I have black hair that falls to my Shoulders. people consider me emo because of my hair. I usually wear band t-shirts and jeans. He's got a totally opposite look to him. He's about 6'2 and has short hazel hair. His eyes are a light shade of green, almost like a bright leaf. He is tanned and smiles way too much in my opinion. I focus back on the teacher and hope the class will be over soon so I can just get out of that damned classroom with this kid. I was out of my seat the moment the bell rung, and halfway down the hall when someone grabbed my arm. I turned around to see the boy. 

"Why are you following me, kid?"

"first of all, I'm not a kid. Second, I kinda want to be your friend you seem interesting."

"HA... You're my complete opposite! "

He looks away quite upset. So I hug him, and sadly, I'm sensitive enough to start crying. He seems to accept my apology.

"Yes, we can be friends." 

I smile softly and help him up, starting to walk away when he hands me my phone. 

"You dropped this when you left class. I thought you might need it." 

I smile, thank him, and start my short walk home in the winter weather. When I get home, my mom is all too enthusiastic to hear about my first day. Of course, she would be. She always is. 

" So what'd you do today, honey?"

"Don't wanna talk about it, mom."

"Why not?"

"because I just don't want to, okay?"

I ignored her response to that and went into the kitchen for a snack. I ended up eating nothing but Oreos, and then I went into my room and finished up what was left of my homework. I finished the survey they had given to me as homework and put everything away. I then grabbed my pink dell laptop and opened it up so I could continue writing my book. 

Dinner was around five, which gave me enough time to write two more chapters. I saved what I had, and went to eat dinner. It was lamb chops. I sat at the table, but I didn't eat anything, and my siblings just played with their food. I found it all very repulsive. My brother kept trying to convince me to eat, but I refused. I hated eating right now. 

I ran upstairs when my mom brought out dessert because I claimed I was feeling ill. When I got to my room, I locked the door and pulled out my lighter and my Safety pin. The one thing besides my blades that my family didn't know about. I was so happy and satisfied when the hot metal touched my skin. It didn't hurt, it just made me feel happy and peaceful. 

Within that week, I had cut, bruised, and burned my skin so much that I had to wear jeans and sweatshirts to school every day. Even Nathan(the mystery boy) was asking if I was okay. I always told him the truth about this stuff, and I didn't fail to inform him of this relapse. He eventually asked me out, and I said yes. I believed that your love should also be your best friend, the person you trust, and someone you can tell all your deepest, darkest secrets to. 

One day after he talked me out of suicide, I saw him in school with another girl. I was so pissed! I no longer had something to live for, and this made me worse. I relapsed my worst that night. I slit both my wrists very deeply, took a curling iron to my face until I was unrecognizable, and Waited in my room on the floor in a pool of my own blood. It was a beautiful blissful pain. I wrote him a note that said: I know what you've done. I guess I was wrong about you loving me... I eventually was dead. and nobody opened my door until days later, when they saw me lying there. He was the first to see me and the note. I never knew what thir reactions were. I do know that a week later, He hung himself and wrote a note for me that said: I really do love you. I'm sorry I cheated. Please forgive me when I see you again. I have seen him in the place I am now. I have forgiven him, and we are now quite happy. I can't recall what this place we're in is called, but I do know It gave me happiness.