“Where is it?! Tell it to me straight?!” He picks me up by my shirt collar and shoves me against the wall of our apartment, “what did you do with it?!” I feel sobs pushing up through my body ready to burst out through my bright blue eyes. But I stop myself. I feel something hit my face cold at first then pain shatters through my entire face making me snap out of reality for a split second and into a different world.

“I-I-I,” is all I can get out with the pain surging through my face numbing my lips almost.

“Tell me now!” he picks me up and shoves me against the wall again forcing my head to snap back and hit the hard, cool, wall making it bleed. Blood runs down the wall and seeps into my blouse.

I gather myself and gulp so that when I open my mouth tears won’t come out, “I used it to pay the electric bill.” A look of utter shock overcomes his face, he isn’t calming down. I didn’t expect him to. I hear Jett screaming, crying, wailing from his cradle. He should be asleep right now. He doesn’t need to hear this.

“What did you just say?” He says furiously. I feel my face mold like I am about to cry but I stop myself. Crying now would give him power.

“I paid the electric bill with my paycheck instead of buying the meth for you.” I say determined looking him straight in the eye. I flex my arms, terrified. He sets me genteelly on the ground still furious, goes to the kitchen, grabs a sharp knife, and walks down the hall. My heart stops, my body stops, my whole sense of being stops, I only hear Jett screaming and crying, the pain in my face has left my body, I know what he’s going to do. I hear him turn in to our room. I gather my might and sprint into the bedroom just as he is about to do the disgusting deed. I flash quickly in front of Jett’s crib. Then, I was ready; ready to fall for my son, ready to fall for going to prom with Charles, ready to fall for not using protection, ready to fall for moving in with him one year later even though I hated him, ready to fall for mom and dad, ready to fall for not being strong, ready to fall for everything I ever have once loved. The knife comes down; Jett cries and screams. I stay there ready for him to chicken out. He doesn’t. Then, out of some bit of strength I have left in my body, I knee him in the crotch making him and the knife fall to the ground. I pick up Jett in my tattered bloody clothes, sobbing and kiss him relentlessly on the forehead.

“I’m so sorry baby, I’m so sorry. I just wanted you to have a daddy. I didn’t know he was into drugs. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” I whisper to Jett still sobbing. I cry hard one last time then pick up the phone in my room and call the police.