“Lets get married when we’re older, have some kids too,” you were half joking,

“Okay, what would you name them though,?” I wasn’t joking,

“Something dumb like Josh or Kaitlyn, maybe even Myrtle…” you trailed off into a laugh and I didn’t have a prayer of a chance not to follow. You could make me laugh with any word, that's what loving you did to me. I loved every word you said and how you said it, I loved you.

Ever since you left something’s been off, the water tastes funny and the sky looks dry. Maybe I’m imagining it and it's all in my head, the color you gave my life draining from the world around me until it drains me too. I hope you like school. A funny feeling has been eating at me for the longest time, probably before you even left. I can’t help but remember that Thursday morning. Three words can fix a heart, it only took eight to break mine.

“I got in, I’m sorry… I love you” you almost whispered, scared of the words yourself. I didn’t want to cry but things happened. Things always seemed to happen to us. Emotions of all kinds rushed over me ranging from pride to shame, most of all I felt dread. I figured you had to get in, always being the smart type and loving school. Your parents would never let you stay here if you got in and my parents would never let me leave. I couldn’t afford it anyways even if I had a place to stay, Big city life never appealed to me really.

“I’ll call every night, we’ll talk every night,” you lied. I saw your newest Instagram post, you and Dan sure are close now. Looking at it reminded me of us and how we used to be. You smile at him the same way you used to smile at me, the same way I smile at my phone whenever we get to talk. Time zones this and time zones that, I stayed up until 2 am last night waiting for you. You never called. We were supposed to stay together forever, sophomore sweethearts turned prom court, moved in together even. I took a gap year because you were scared to apply, guess you were right to be scared. I never would've made it in years past because I can’t make it without you, our calls are the only respite from a drab Delaware life. My eyes lit up following my phone doing the same, your name was always so pretty. We can still talk for hours which is good, I was scared we’d fall out and stop talking. Like a couple on TV we’d talk less than be able to talk less until we didn’t know how to talk to each other. The way you laughed over the fun kept me thinking. 

It was a laugh that sounded much deader than before and with much less love. How long until we start saying I’m sorry instead of I love you when the night grows quiet. You don’t have to lie to me if you don’t love me anymore, doesn’t shake my demeanor really. I loved you before you loved me and now it seems I love you after.

“You always did know what to say,” she admitted.

“You always knew how to make it easy,” I nearly cried.  I made you laugh on the phone earlier, not that empty sad laugh I’ve heard once a week for the last 8 months. You laughed a real, genuine, happy, laugh. The joke was dumb but it was just right for us because it was about us. “So I was at a party the other day, I met this girl she seemed nice and everything so I asked her for her name-” your thought surely wasn’t finished but I couldn’t wait,

“Was her name Myrtle?” I busted, laughing praying for you to follow. 

“You don’t like my grandma’s name?” You laughed in a way I knew Dan didn’t recognize, the way that always made me smile. Even though you’re 2800 miles away and we’ll probably never hold hands again, laughter is the shortest distance between two people.