Then, he kissed me. Why am I here? Why did I do this? I like Jake. I never liked Ryan; I mean I have always had my eyes on Jake. Suddenly, Ryan wrapped his arms around me and let out a peaceful sigh. I regretted ever having to agreed with this. I made a huge mistake, a very BAD decision. Ryan gently kissed me again. My heart stopped beating, my breathing stopped and I forgot how to blink. My eyes stinging, I kept counting the seconds, praying in my head that he would stop. But then, something strange happened. I kissed him back. I ran my fingers through his shaggy black hair and he had his hands on both sides of my face. Why?!? I had just done the stupidest thing anyone could have done. I had just kissed Ryan back. Ryan suddenly pulled away from me. He looked at me with a sad look on his face.

“Why did you do that? I know… It’s him, isn’t it?” He asked.


I nodded and said, “It used to be, Jake I mean, but now I’m not sure.”

He said, “I understand, I just wish it was me. I wish I was the one that you think about everyday. I wish I was the boy that had the key to your heart. The one special person that you want to see when it is freezing outside and you long to cuddle up inside their arms. I just thought I had a chance with you. Just a chance. That is why I asked you out. I had nothing to lose, I sat in biology class everyday staring at you, wondering what it would be like if you went out with me. Wondering and wishing, even though I knew it wasn’t possible to happen. Day by day, Jake crushed you. As the days sped past, you began to crumble. You knew that Jake would not fall for you. You were jealous of Amber, the girl who he loved. Yet, you would not stop him. He had punctured a hole in your heart and you would not stitch it up. You never covered that hole, so every time he hurt you, the hole grew bigger. I watched as you slowly became more depressed. You wouldn’t smile anymore and you wouldn’t wave to me when I walked past. I tried to comfort you. I tried to help, but you pushed me away. I would offer you my warm hold, I would spread my arms out for you and come close so I could hug you, but you refused my help. Then, you began to give up. More than anything, you wished you could make Jake jealous. You wanted to make him feel hurt, the way you had been. I knew you so well and I loved you. I knew you would settle for me, until you could get Jake. You just wanted to make him jealous and all would be normal again. I saw my chance and I asked you. I asked you hoping that I could show you, I would never hurt you. That will always be true, Emily, I will always look out for you, I will never hurt you.”


Suddenly, it felt like the blindness that had been hovering over me was now swept away. Every thing was very clear. Ryan gently interlocked our hands and we headed back to my house. He dropped me off at my doorway and he kissed me goodnight. I smiled and closed my eyes. I must have fallen asleep in his arms because I can’t quite remember walking up the stairs. In the morning, I missed Ryan. I wanted him to be with me.


The next day Jake winked at me in the hall, I ignored it. Ryan smiled at me in class and after I ran up to him and hugged him. In that moment, I realized I never liked Jake. I had just been jealous of his relationship. It had never been Jake. I had never known. Until the night that cleared my mind. The night that I discovered my true feelings. The night I fell in love. With Ryan.