Getting on the plane this morning was so hard, I didn’t want to say goodbye to Hawaii, I had the most amazing honeymoon of my life.
Nicholas and I sat down on the plane and started talking about how much fun we had and started reminiscing on funny moments we had together at the resort.

“I remember the second day we were there you woke up still drunk and could barely even function.” Nicholas said, laughing.

“Hilarious.” I said in a sarcastic voice. After that I decided to take a nap and then 7 hours later I woke up in California, my home.


9 months later
“Beep Beep!” that was the sound of my husband beeping the horn trying to get through the traffic because I was about to have a baby! I cannot even explain the pain I am in right now, so I won’t.

6 hours later I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Giving birth was the most painful miraculous thing I have ever been through.
“I cannot believe we made this sweet little boy” Nicholas said as he started to tear up holding our little boy Liam for the first time.
“His skin is so soft, his eyes are so blue, and his hair! its blonde, he’s so perfect Jasmine, I’m in love.”

“After 15 hours of labor I’m in love too, hunny.”

Bringing Liam home for the first time I was so paranoid because I didn’t want anything to happen to him, I made Nicholas drive 15 mph home the whole way, he wanted to kill me, but we did make it home safe and sound.

I barely got 3 hours of sleep last night, the whole new parenting thing is a lot of work and I’m so exhausted. Nicholas really has been a big help but we’re both starting to get annoyed with each other because we’re running on no sleep.

Nicholas and I have not been getting along lately, and it really sucks. We’re always uptight and on each other's nerves, we’re not how we used to be at all. It’s pretty crazy how a baby can change everything, no wonder young teens don’t stay together when they have a baby, It’s seriously hard work. Nicholas and I used to have so much free time to do whatever we wanted and now we can barely even get a full night sleep without the baby needing to be fed or rocked back to sleep. I guess we’re in over our heads a little bit.

I’m so stressed out lately, Nicholas has barely been helping out with the baby, he’ll change him once or twice a day and that’s it. I’m extremely exhausted and in need of sleep and Nicholas just doesn’t seem to care and it makes me sad and emotional.

So last night, Liam fell asleep around 7 and Nicholas and me had time to talk and catch up on things and we did, and I told him how I felt about everything, and he agreed that we didn’t expect this much work from having a baby, and then he said that he was starting to lose feelings for me and how he’s under a lot of stress, also. I didn’t even know how to respond to that, my eyes started to get all watery and my throat started to get all choked up and I just let it all out.

Nicholas and I have always worked out every little predicament we’ve been in but for some reason this time, it feels different, like he actually meant what he said, when he said “I’m starting to lose feelings”. So I thought all night of some way to help us get through this tough time and I thought maybe counseling would help, so I called my mom and she told me that would be good for us to do, she always knows how to make me feel better about the situation I’m in.

In the morning I called a marriage counselor and set up an appointment for Nicholas and me, hoping he’d agree to go with me, I’m having my mom watch Liam if Nicholas wants to go with me.

I talked to Nicholas about it when he got home from work and he agreed to go with me, so we waited for my mom to show up at our house and then we left. It felt nice to be out of the house, just Nicholas and I, we don’t do anything together anymore. I felt like we were out on a date which is sad because we were actually going to marriage counseling.

“Well that went good, I guess” Nicholas said as we were walking out the building.

“Yeah, I thought we really talked out all of our issues, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my chest” I said as I leaned over to Nicholas for a kiss. Marriage counseling could actually save Nicholas and I, so we made another appointment for tomorrow night and we’re going to make a date out of it.

I actually feel married right now, Nicholas took me out for a late night ice cream date after we left and it was the sweetest thing he’s done in a long time since we’ve had Liam.

Leaving Cold Stone, I actually felt like Nicholas and me started over and we’re gonna make it through the rough patches. I only hope he feels the same way, and as soon as I thought that.. Nicholas opened his mouth and said “I love you, Jasmine, we’ll make it through this, I promise.”

A tear rolled down my face because I actually felt like he meant it. My heart is blushing with joy and I feel all warm and cozy inside. That’s probably the best feeling.

Walking through the door to my house I was so happy. I was happy because Nicholas and I were getting better and seeing my precious baby in the arms of my mom sleeping was so precious.
I went upstairs and laid him in his crib and went back downstairs to chat with my mom before she left. I told her how it went, and that we had another appointment tomorrow and she said she’d be more than happy to watch Liam again. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom.

Going to bed happy is the best feeling in the whole world. I looked over to Nicholas and gave him a goodnight kiss and held onto him tight.

“Sleep tight, Jasmine.” Nicholas said as he shut out the lights.

In the middle of the night I woke up to the sound of Nicholas’ phone going off on the nightstand, and I thought it was really odd that it’d be going off at 1 o’clock in the morning. Nothing wakes him up, so I got up and went over to his side of the bed and saw a number across the front of the lock screen, so I opened it and the text said “Hey babe, did you break the news to Jasmine yet?” My heart sunk, and I instantly felt sick.

There was no way I was getting any sleep tonight, but I would talk about this with him in the morning. I went downstairs and watched Tv on the couch. So many thoughts and scenarios were running through my mind, and of course I was thinking of the worst ones possible.
I woke up that morning to Liam crying, I jumped off the couch to see that he was only laughing with Nicholas. How sweet, Nicholas was actually taking care of him while I was sleeping.

I walked in the kitchen and looked straight into Nicholas’ eyes and said “we need to talk, now.”

Nicholas followed me into the living room with a worried sick look on his face, I knew he was thinking “S***, what did I do.”
We both sat down on the couch and I said, “so who was that text from last night, asshole?”
His face instantly sunk in and turned red like he knew what he did, but how was he going to explain it to me.
“There’s something I’ve been needing to talk to you about, Jasmine. I have been seeing someone else, I wanted to tell you sooner I just didn’t know how.”
I was completely speechless at that point, after how far we had come to getting better and now I find out he’s been talking to someone else, that’s ridiculous. All of a sudden something weird happened, I started to not feel the same towards him, like I was throwing the towel in and ending it right then and there.

I replied to him with “So you’re that asshole, that talks to other people while in a committed relationship? Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“I’m sorry,okay. I will end it with her and we can continue on our journey together.”
“Yeah, probably not. I can never trust you again, Nicholas. I think it’s time we get a divorce and go on our separate ways.”
“Since when did you become so independent?”
“The second I found out you were seeing someone else, I am NOT putting up with a boy like you. Yeah, I called you a boy.”
Nicholas had the look of shock, I don’t think he knew I had that in me.
I walked out of the living room and Nicholas was like, “Come on, Jasmine.”
I went outside got in the car and drove to the courthouse to get the papers to file for a divorce, I have so much adrenaline running through my body. I honestly don’t want to talk and try to work out things. After all the hard work I put in to try and save us and make us work. That was just a slap in the face to me and i’m not dealing with it nor having that happen again because I was too stupid to walk away the first time. So this is me not even thinking about saving our marriage.
Nicholas was going to be shocked when I walked into the house with the divorce papers.

I walked inside and put the papers on the table in front of him, and he was like “..really?”
We filed for divorce that night, and talked about what we’d keep and what not. I was going to keep the house and have full time custody of Liam.

It’s pretty sad that this is what our marriage had to come to, but I’m not a person to wait around for the sun to shine. If Nicholas had the balls to do that to me then I have the courage to walk away and be civil.

So that night, Nicholas packed up some of his belongings and told me he was going to stay at his parent’s house for the night. He gave me a hug and I watched him walk down the walkway into his car with a tear running down my face, thinking about our marriage and why it turned out the way it did.