I was in love with a fictional character that was over four hundred years old. Orlando, my hero and my imaginary boyfriend from As You Like It. It was an embarrassing secret, which only my best friend Adela knew. Adela was my Hero, my Celia which was ironic because my name is Celia. My Orlando, I could picture him in my mind. Soft brown curls that fell into his eyes, tall with wiry muscles, green eyes, a perfectly chiselled face and long eyelashes. His eyes would be lined with care and kindness, he would be strong enough to protect me and any family that we had. He was strong after all he beat Charles the duke’s best wrestler.
Instead he got Rosalind. She couldn’t even remember his name when she and Celia were in the Forest of Arden. She didn’t deserve him. I would never forget my true love’s name.
It wasn’t an infatuation with an actor, like most girls. Like Leonardo DiCaprio as Romeo which sent girls swooning. It was an infatuation with a character. A perfect, perfect character. If he was real I would have snatched him up before Rosalind did.
My love for Orlando bubbled over into my everyday life. I had committed the first three scenes of the play and Rosalind’s epilogue. I drew pictures of what I thought Orlando would look like. I had always been a literature fanatic but As You Like It was my teenage obsession.
Then Orlando came, well sort of.

Adela wasn’t in my year nine English class which I had first period on the Monday he appeared. Seeing she was the only one who wanted to be seen in public with me, I sat alone. My school is a dump. Education wasn’t important popularity was. It was a major event when a new person came to the school as more people left than arrived.
He was in my English class.
Poor him.
Not the best start to your journey at the dump. I was sitting in my normal seat trying to finish my assignment. It was on Much Ado About Nothing. Shakespeare’s a speciality of mine. I had to translate Beatrice and Benedick’s “skirmish of wit” into modern speech. Most people were working in pairs but I worked alone.
Miss had sent the boy over to sit next to me. She should know that I don’t like people. I didn’t notice him. I was too focused. I had my bag propped up on the seat beside me.
“Hello.” I think he said. By that point I was so focused that my jaw was moving from left to right and was simultaneously plucking my lip. I knew someone was there but ignored them. They weren’t yelling yet. “Excuse me but do you mind moving your bag. I was told to sit here.”
I took my hand off my hardcopy of the play placing my elbow on it so I could wave my hand in a dismissive manner. I continued reading.
He continued to stand there looking like an idiot. If he knew how everyone reacted to me he would have run for the hills. I didn’t have any friends, apart from Adela and I was a constant target for bullying. Him sitting next to me would only make him a rejected by society. I had developed a hard outer shell. Nothing could hurt me.
“Celia could you quit focusing for five seconds!” Miss yelled at me. I’m embarrassed to say that I screamed and threw my book in the air. It hit my arm coming down and I scrabbled around trying to retrieve it.
He picked it up for me and presented it to me like a present.
“Sorry,’ I said quickly, eager to get back to my work.
“This is Richard. He will be working with you for the duration of the assignment. I know you like to be antisocial but please make him feel welcome.”
To me antisocial wasn’t an insult it wasn’t like people had isolated me, it was like I isolated myself. Like I was a lone wolf.
Everyone else laughed. I ignored them. I moved my bag reluctantly. He took the seat.
“Celia,” I said. I may be antisocial but it didn’t mean I had to be rude.
“Am I to assume that you are a loveable sidekick in your best friend’s love story?” he asked with a smile. He thought he was so damn intelligent. I was smarter.
“Nah I’m Rosalind, still waiting for Orlando. By your name am I to assume you are a dick?” I asked dryly.
“I see a Katherine not a Rosalind,” he said.
“I was actually aiming for Beatrice. Don’t bother trying to tame me,” I said.
He smiled a little. I didn’t want that. I wanted him to take one look at me and run in the opposite direction. It was the first time I properly got to look at him. He wasn’t Richard he was Orlando with Benedick’s wit. Therefore he wasn’t good enough. He wouldn’t be kind enough and going off his name he would either be usurped or partake wars.
He seemed pretty good humoured when I assumed the worst of him.
“How you mock me, fair lady,” he said putting a hand to his heart. Drama geek too. He may have looked like Orlando but his personality needed to be changed. It would be alright after class he wouldn’t bother me one of the popular douches would have taken him I told myself. He would be dating one of the most popular girls and have a breezy life. Those minions of fashion had isolated me since year seven. They isolated me from every friendship group, extracurricular program and hope of making new friends so I gave up.
The problem is I don’t even know why they bullied me. It is a question that plagued me every night. I was only friends with Adela because I had known her from outside of school and she despised the populars like me.
Then again I would have ruined his chance of being popular and getting a girlfriend. That was his problem I didn’t ask him to sit next to me.
“What do you want me to do?” he said
“Nothing, I’m almost done,” I said keeping the conversation to a minimum.
The bell rang and I bolted out in case Richard wanted to talk. I ran to D block. Drama class it was my sanctuary. Most people by looking at me would have picked drama as my strong suit. Apparently I had a ‘nerdish tough look’. Drama was my area, it was my thing besides English. Adela was waiting for me kicked back against the wall, her cool pose wasn’t making her any cooler.
Adela was a short, petite girl with straightened hair, brown eyes and tanned skin. She had to be one of the most beautiful people I knew. She had been snubbed from society too.
Before we could talk Richard the dick showed up. I thought I was free of him. He stood next to me. I wanted to scream ‘get out of my sight you aren’t my friend!’
I didn’t because it was his first day and he would soon understand the school hierarchy. Adela and I were right down the bottom even below the friendless in the library.
“You ran away. I wanted to ask you where to go,” he said.
“Sorry,” I said.
Adela was smirking next to me. I hit her lightly. Teach her to assume things.
“He looks like that boy you used to draw,” she whispered to me.
“Shut up!” I hissed. Thank goodness sir came before something awkward was revealed.
Richard stood there taking in his surroundings. “Come on Orlando...Richard!” I said smacking my forehead.

Richard was in every single one of my classes. He refused to leave me alone. He wasn’t swayed by harsh language or hostile body language or a basketball to the face. I got home and he was sitting on my couch. He really was a stalker. I kept walking, hoping he didn’t see me.
“Celia is that you?” my mother yelled from the kitchen. Please Mum shut up I thought. “Come say hi to the new neighbours.”
It was creepy he was now my neighbour well he had been since last Thursday. I chucked my bag into the kitchen knowing full well it would annoy my mother, and trudged into the lounge room. It was the only room in the house that wasn’t affected by my paintbrushes or pens. Luckily none of my drawings were there or I would have a criminal record by dusk after Richard saw himself. I would be infamously known as the stalker who dressed her victims up in Elizabethan attire.
“This is my youngest daughter, Celia,” my mother said.
“This is my son Richard the only one I am not embarrassed to be seen with in public,” his mother said with a laugh. She put her arms around him and shook him like a rag doll.
“Celia go make the tea,” my mother said pushing me off the couch.
“Go help her,” Richard’s mother said.
How many people did it take to boil water for goodness sake? I stalked off into the kitchen with him following with a dumb expression on his face.
“Can I do anything Beatrice?” he asked sweetly.
“You can stop calling me that,” I replied, putting the kettle on. “The teabags are behind you in the green cupboard.”
He smiled and handed them over. Our fingers briefly touched and he lingered. He smiled again. He had a nice smile his lips weren’t too big. I kicked the cupboard trying to get his face out of my head. I stuck out my chin focusing wanting the kettle to boil quicker. It is true a watched kettle never boils.
I found him standing next to me looking at me. In a nice way not a ewww what is that creature sort of way. Although he was too close for comfort. A stepped back thinking I had imagined our shoulders touching.
He was the thorn in my side.
The boy who called me Beatrice.
I had never hated someone so much. The thought of him touching me sent chills down my spine.

The cycle of school continued and the cycle of Richard being an ever annoying presence continued. We got an A for the assignment for Much Ado About Nothing. Only because we really had fought and miss thought it was our script. I was told to mind my language afterwards. All my hard work had gone down the drain. I wanted to kill him. I hit him on the way out and he looked confused and a little hurt. Then I kicked him in the face with a soccer ball in PE. He never once lost his temper. He was always patient with me even when I hurt him, even when I insulted him. He took it as on the chin and gave as good as he got, laughing as I hurled insults.

“You know Celia you talk about Richard more than anything else,” Adela said one lunchtime.
“I do because he is so damn annoying.”
“Pfff you keep telling me that Beatrice.”
“Don’t you start that.”
“You two would be cute together. Speak of the devil.”
Sure enough there he was walking towards us, up the back of the science block.
“Celia can I speak to you?” he said.
“I don’t know if you can or you can’t-” I retorted
“May I speak to you privately?”
“What you can say to me you can say in front of her,” I said.
“You sure?” he said trying to sound nonchalant but nervousness could be heard.
I shrugged. He walked right up to me, grabbed my face and kissed me. I stood still not responding to the pressure he was putting on my lips. He pulled away and I did the last thing I wanted to do. I ran away, crying. Adela was in hot pursuit. I ran into the bathroom and into the end stall. Nobody ever goes in school bathrooms so I was safe. Adela crammed herself into the stall with me while I bawled.
No-one ever tells you how hard it is to cry on a short person’s shoulder. Adela held me, stroking my hair.
“It couldn’t have been that bad,” she soothed.
“It was. I didn’t want (hiccup) him to kiss me,” I said. “I have to face him next period without you. I’m so confused.”
“Why are you confused I thought you would be angry?”
“I am angry but seeing as he has admitted he likes me I dunno if I kinda like him back,” I said.
“As a friend I say you go for it. It is a blessing in disguise the populars didn’t get him first.”
“He seems alright but we can’t be in the same room with fighting.”
“Keep your mouth permanently on his. He would love it and you would learn to loosen up.”
Maybe just that one time I would be daring and show everyone I wasn’t super uptight. I stormed out of the bathroom and to the silverseats where Richard was sitting. He stood quickly and opened his mouth to apologise. I grabbed him by the shoulders and engaging him in an awkward and messy kiss. He seemed pleasantly surprised. What was he doing with his tongue? I eventually had to push him away. He continued to hold me.
“I still hate you,” I said wanting to clamp my hand over my mouth.
He instantly let go, shocked. “Then why did you kiss me?” he said.
“I wanted to exert power over you.”
“I’m sure that was the case,” he said sourly.
“Why’d you kiss me?”
“To teach you to loosen up.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re the kind of person who pops bubble wrap systematically. “
“Well you kiss random girls because you can.”
“You’re the kind of girl I could see myself having a beautiful friendship with.”
“You repulse me.”
“You anger me.”
“I hate you!”
“I’m glad!”
From that moment onwards I knew we would never have a Rosalind or Orlando relationship. I chose to take Richard for what he was.
“You two really can’t stop fighting can you?” Adela said, sounding disappointed.
I opened my mouth to retort. “Peace! I will stop your mouth,” Richard said as he leant in again. I wrapped my arms around his neck becoming more passionate as the kiss went on. “He pulled away quickly. “Celia, you bit my lip.”
“Richard we had just gone a full minute of breathing the same air without a fight.”
“It’s not my fault you’re a lousy kisser.”
“Orlando...Richard, idiot,” I said not sure if I was talking to me or him.
He was clearly not Orlando.