I guess I could say she’s always been there. Ever since I really started remembering my dreams. Smiling face and bright eyes. But what do they look like? Bright, but what color? What’s her smile like? Is It mischievous? Kind? What is her name? Why can’t I ever seem to remember? No face, no name, nothing but a wisp of memory and a glimmer in the dark.
I remember once that we’d been running from a volcano erupting. it was terrible. The sky was raining fire and stone, smoke and ash filled the air. We ran. And we ran. We ran and ran and I never once let go of her hand. She was scared. Scared that some unseen tongue of magma would reach up out of the ground and drag her to whatever fiery mouth it belonged to. I could see the fear in her eyes, clear and utter, it consumed them. So we ran. Ran until she couldn’t run anymore and collapsed in the street. I pulled her up into my arms and set forth with all of my willpower and strength. I ran from the city, beyond the burning buildings, past the limits, to some place outside of it, with trees and a small meadow. I set her down gently next to a big, round oak tree and sat, utterly exhausted, next to her. She woke with a jolt, bright eyes searching all around. She was shaking. I put my hands on her shoulders and looked at her soot-streaked face. “We’re okay”, I said. “We’re fine.” She said nothing, but wrapped her arms around my neck, sobbing. “Thank you. Th-thank you...” she managed. I looked into her eyes, still wet with tears, but the fear had gone out of them. She smiled, words began to form on her lips….But then the sun shone through my bedroom window. I opened my eyes and the memory was gone.
Another time, we’d decided to go off of the trail on a hike because we heard a waterfall and thought it might be nice to see it, maybe even to get a few bottles of fresh spring water. But, as fate would have it, we got lost. We wandered for hours, taking in the wild flowers and tall grass, figuring that we’d eventually run into the trail again. But as night neared and the sun began to sink behind the mountain, we lost hope. The search for the trail became more and more frantic until, finally, the sky went totally dark. We continued to search by only the moon and the stars. After an hour of walking, we saw the trail, lit silver in the moonlight. She let out a laugh and a sigh of relief- but the smile faded from her eyes when she saw the obstacle that separated us from it. There was a ravine-easily fifteen feet wide and a hundred deep- spanned only by a rickety-looking log. She insisted on going first. I, of course, objected. But her logic won out; she was lighter and quicker on her feet. We tossed our backpacks across. She took her first tentative step. Then another. The log held. It wasn’t until she’d made it all the way across that I realized I’d been holding my breath the entire time. I let out a huge sigh of relief and took a gulp of fresh, clean air. It was my turn now. I set my left foot gently onto the log, followed by my right. The log held. I let my fear slip away and began to balance my way across the long-dead pine. I didn’t make it very far. Four steps from the opposite side, a mighty Crunch caught my attention. I knew I didn’t have much time before I became nothing but a smear on the landscape. The world was a slow-mo swirl of color as I charged across the remaining space. The log fell just as I was about to reach the end. I fell, my thoughts swirling and my life flashing before my eyes like some sick slideshow. I reached forward to nothing. I was done for. My life was over. I was about to die… I wasn’t falling anymore. I looked up. There she was, holding me up, straining against my weight. I scrambled to the edge of the cliff and started to climb as best as I could, her pulling me up as best she could. I pulled myself up over the edge and flopped onto the grass on my back, and she right next to me. We both laughed- what a day!- she turned and faced me. “you know,” she said, “ I’m not so sure hiking was such a good idea.”
I laughed. “ditto”, I said. I looked into her eyes, the beautiful color I could never remember. In that moment, nothing was there. It was just her and I. she stared back. I could feel the feelings welling up inside my chest. She leaned in and closed her eyes, as did I… and at that moment my alarm went off and I couldn’t remember.


The last time I saw her, I think that was when I knew dreams held more meaning than waking for me. She and I stood on a beautiful short lawn, surrounded by tall, deep forest-green hedges, with the most amazing roses poking out. They were blue. Bluer than blue. It was like someone had taken the deepest blue in existence and somehow made it the lightest at the same time. There were lights in the trees, casting a soft, warm glow on their surroundings. There was a pond nearby, golden koi fish swimming in circles , rippling the water back and forth , making the moon and stars’ reflections dance to the beautiful music that played on the wind. She stood near the pond, her hair drawn back in curls and wearing a beautiful soft green silk dress. I walked over to her from the trees, and held out my hand, which she took with a smile. We danced across that beautiful haven for what seemed like hours, but I hardly noticed. My eyes were glued to hers, the way the light seemed to dance intelligently in them mesmerized me and drew me like a moth to a beautiful flame. We danced. And we danced. When I could no longer hold it inside of me, I whispered, into her ear.
“I love you…” I said.
“and I you”… she whispered, barely audible over the music.
I saw her smile then, the smile of one in such bliss that the world didn’t matter. She came closer, as did I… and she kissed me. I don’t think words can describe the feelings that welled up inside of my chest at that very moment. I pulled away, and stared into her eyes again. I had never been happier. She smiled up at me, and started to speak… a horn blared in traffic and I jolted awake.
That was more than a month ago… I haven’t dreamt of her since. Now, I don’t know if I will ever see her again. I go through every day, hoping and praying, hoping that she will be there for me again tonight. I wait patiently, the cavity in my memory for her set perfectly aside, untouched until I can hold her in my arms again. And so, every night, as I say my prayers and climb beneath the covers, I ask the universe my one complete, undying question.

Where are you, mystery girl? Wait for me….