Fallen, Confused, and Letting Go | Teen Ink

Fallen, Confused, and Letting Go

May 2, 2014
By Smriti Suresh BRONZE, Lilburn, Georgia
Smriti Suresh BRONZE, Lilburn, Georgia
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

There was something different about him that year. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but he just looked, older. I searched him for what I thought could just be a trick of the light. It wasn't his hair, clothes, or even teeth. What was changed? Then, his hair swept to the side and his eyes caught mine, as I felt a glow coming from those bright blue eyes. That was it; I had never noticed him, because he didn't have glasses anymore. He realized who I was as he raised his hand in a slight greeting. I waved back. He smiled and looked back down at his paper. He never realized that I continued to watch him, or that he was distracting me, but I noticed, Lucas Brooks. He was best friends with my brother Asher, so I knew him well. I especially knew him well enough to make fun of him and Asher back in elementary school. I laugh silently to myself as I remember those days. Shaking my head, I tried to get back to work, but for some reason, my mind wasn't interested in Advanced Chemistry. “Brrriinggg”, the shrill sound of the bell awoke my from my thoughts. I gathered my materials and walked out the door when I heard someone call me “Hey Rebecca!” I turned and bumped into the guy from my daydreaming. “Oh hey Luke”, I replied “What’s up?” He told me that he heard I had been selected to Science Fair Regionals, and that he had been selected as well! “That’s awesome,” I said. “Thanks, congratulations to you too,” Luke said. The second bell had rung by then, so we said our byes and Luke said he’d see me there tomorrow. As I walked away I told myself that the feeling in Chemistry was probably from just a lack of sleep, and that these were the conversations old friends had. I got home that afternoon and went to sleep early. After all, I had to get up early tomorrow for Science Fair. The next day, I was at my exhibit presenting my research as my best friend Emily came up to me. “Doesn't it feel good to be out of school on an amazing Friday as this one?” she asked me. Emily and I had both been selected to participate and we had gotten a school day of! Yay! I told her that I was done with all my interview and she said the same, so we decided to go find the other selected people. Not that I was searching for Luke, but I kept hoping that his familiar face would pop up. We saw a lot of people from school, but none of them were the one I wanted to see. I looked around in frustration as I finally laid my eyes on a tall, brown-haired boy. I walked over to him when suddenly I heard a Native American tribal sound coming from the side as Keaton jumped out! “AHHHHHH!” Luke and I screamed. “So much for the element of surprise, thanks Keaton” I thought. We all burst out laughing and started walking to lunch, scolding Keaton the entire way. I got my food and saw Luke sitting down at our school’s table, and he called me over. I sat down next to him and for a few minutes it felt just like the two of us talking and laughing. Like the guy he truly was, he asked me if I was going to eat my cookie or not. While laughing I replied “No, you can have it fatty.” “I am not fat” he said pointing at his stomach and pouting. He looked so cute. No no no no, I’m not supposed to think that way, forget it. I turned to my plate and caught Emily’s glance as she gave me the look and mouthed “flirting” to me. “Shut up” I mouthed back and she smirked “Humph.” It was time to go after lunch, so I got into my car and my parents drove me home. During the ride, I sat in my seat as one word kept running through my head…Fatty. After that we seemed to be seeing each other everywhere at school. In the hallways he would walk by and roll the ‘R’ in my name Rrrrrrrbecca as he teased me. Well, I couldn't let him get the last word, so I retorted with my own chorus of Fatties. I hated to admit it, but I think I was falling for him slowly, day after day. After I got on the bus I would sit near the window and wait for him to walk by, so I could watch him. Normally, he wouldn't see me, but one day he turned and saw me watching him. He smirked at me and I turned away, so he wouldn't see me blush. On the days I didn't see him at school, I would feel upset and I would long to see him, and when he was here, I would dread the moment I see him get up to leave. Soon, I tried to sneak glances at him wherever we were. I auditioned to be in Honor Orchestra just to see him and spend time with him. We became quite close as friends, but I never told him how I truly felt about him. The only person I ever told was Emily because I trusted her. Unfortunately, I never thought she could betray me in any way. I was talking to Keaton and my brother, Asher one day and Keaton wanted to know who Emily liked. I asked him why and he asked me if I could keep a secret. Of course I answered yes, I wanted to know. Asher didn't want me to know, but Keaton told me anyways. “So, here’s the deal” he said. “Luke told Asher and I, that he has a crush on somebody from his Advanced Chemistry class.” Immediately I felt giddy and excited. I thought, of course it was me, who else could be in his Advanced Chemistry class. Boy was I wrong. “Who?” I asked Keaton as calmly as possibly. “Emily,” he replied. I think my heart stopped for a moment right there. Keaton kept talking as if he didn't realize the shock on my face. “He said that he’s actually liked her since you introduced her to him in Honor Orchestra.” I could help it, my stomach dropped, my face turned red, and I could only hear the words “you introduced her to him” again and again. I realized it was my fault. I had started these feelings in myself only to be broken down. To make matters worse, I had introduced them to each other. Then another thought crossed my mind. What if Emily liked him back? I didn't know what to do or say, so I just sat there like a marble statue listening to Asher and Keaton talk on and on about their lives. If only they knew that I didn't feel like living anymore. That night, I crawled into bed hoping that that day had all been a dream. I woke up the next morning to the sound of my phone beeping. Emily was texting me, and then suddenly all the feelings and memories rushed over like a wave drowning me. As angry as I was at her, I couldn't be mad, it wasn't her fault. She’d texted me saying she had some big news and to meet her at the football field in 30 minutes. I rushed to get over there, and when I did, I saw Emily texting away and blushing. I was confused, so I walked towards her. When she saw me she waved me over and said, “Becca, I think I like him.” I started to ask who, but then the guilty look on her face gave me my answer before the one word I was dreading came out. “Luke,” she whispered. Apparently, they had been texting each other for the past 3 weeks, and he had told her that he liked her. At that moment I didn't know what to do, but when she saw my face she sadly said “I won’t date him if it really bothers you.” Then I realized that I couldn't do that to either of them. Emily would hate me if I was the obstacle standing between her and Luke, and Luke would probably hate me if he found out that I liked him, and wasn't letting him be with Emily. Our friendship would be ruined. I decided and told Emily, that even though I liked him, its ok if she wanted to date him. When I said that, her face light up and she hugged me screaming “THANK YOU, THANK YOU!” As her face brightened, my heart darkened. When I went to Math, I sat next to Kylie, who was also the only other person who knew about Luke. We were just talking, when she asked me if Emily and Luke were going out. I told her that they liked each other, but not yet. She asked if I was ok with it or not. I told her that I wasn't even though I gave Emily the go ahead sign. She asked me why I did that and told me to go tell Emily that her dating Luke was not acceptable. I told Kylie one thing and that was, “I’d much rather be friends with Luke, then have him hate me for getting in between them.” They flirted with each other for quite some time, but Luke never asked her out. I thought Luke didn't like her anymore, but he told me in Chemistry that he was going to ask her out in two days. I tried to say Congrats without choking. However, when I went over to Emily’s house, she told me that she like Jake now, not Luke. I was revealed, but heartbroken, because this would hurt Luke so much! I wanted to tell him, so the next day I went to talk to him, but by that time, Jake had asked Emily out, and Luke had found out. After that day, Luke stayed friends with everyone, but our old spark was gone. I could still feel it, but it had left him a long time ago. As a senior, that was his last year with all of us. He soon graduated and left all us juniors to miss him. He went to school in Philadelphia, and the day he packed up and drove away was the last I saw him for a very long time. I still remember locking eyes with him one last time as he waved goodbye. I could see the excitement in his eyes for a new future. After he left, my heart seemed like it would never mend. All through the summer and most of senior year, I wanted to see Luke, but he never came back, and I never told him how I felt. It took one and a half years to get over him. I still remember him clearly. I remember his, laugh, his smile, his hair, and his eyes. His eyes are what led me to him. Even the last things I remember about Luke are his eyes. I never said that this was going to be happily ever after, but I can tell you that even though I fell for him, I still let go and moved on from him.



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