So tell me this, why is it that people you like, don’t like you back, while the people that like you, you don’t like? I know that sounds confusing. But most things in life, are in fact, confusing. The thing is, someone likes me. As in likes me. Me being an unattractive, not-so-popular person, would usually find that a miracle, and I’d on most occasions, be overjoyed. But when that person happens to be one of your closest friends, well, the situation changes.


Chase and I have been friends all through middle school. And it was nice. I never liked him in that way, which made our friendship so much better. By the end of the eighth grade, he was dating my best friend, Monica. And I loved it! They were great together, and I knew she was truly happy. But at the beginning of ninth grade, Monica moved schools, and ended it with Chase. And the odd thing was, she was more upset than he, about the break up. And that’s when Chase and I sorta went our separate ways. I always imagined it was part of some secret code, that a best friends ex was completely off limits, in any way. But it was complicated because she was gone.


Right after homecoming is where this entire mess began. That’s when I found out, even though something inside me already knew. One of my friends told me, as if it was big news. Chase liked me. Him, of all people. Crap. The thing was, I didn’t like him. And after knowing for a fact that he did, everything became awkward. And I felt so different about him. One day he was just a normal guy, barely crossed my mind, then the next he’s a normal guy that likes me, and now he was vaguely crossing my mind. I don’t know why it became so weird for me, but it did.


Then more people were telling me. Almost on the daily. And the big question was if I liked him back. No, of course I didn’t. But I started to notice things. He looked at me more. Smiled in my presents more often. He would try and talk to me, even to say hi. And usually that’s completely normal. But it wasn’t. By November I think everyone knew about it. But why did they care? Why did they care who he liked? Why did they care if I liked him back? It was starting to get annoying, people I didn’t really ever talk to, were telling me. And it seemed they all thought I didn’t know. How could I not know? And they all asked the same old question, “Do you like Chase?”, or, “Would you ever go out with Chase?” How was that their business?


It became more obvious as the year went on. And I thought he’d eventually give up on me, I had told everyone I didn’t like him. But I began to question myself. I mean, Chase is a nice guy. He’s genuine, sweet, funny, what was the problem? First, our friendship. Dating each other would screw it up. And I didn’t want that. And Monica, what about that secret code, it does exist doesn’t it? It seemed crazy.


Then it stopped. Like someone had flipped a switch. He would hardly look at me, hardly smile in my presents, and we were almost not talking at all. Right in the mix of me having feelings for him. His switch went off, the light no longer shining. But mine was now brighter than ever (trying to use cool metaphors). No one talked about us. His feelings seemed to have disappeared. That’s what I wanted, right? I didn’t like him, right? Right? I guess I missed it somehow. Someone actually liked me and I ran them off.


But, in all honesty, he never told me himself. Never had it in himself to ask me out. Was he ashamed or scared? I’d really like to know. I never told anyone about my slight feelings for him. I guess I missed my chance. Of course, I did tell everyone I didn’t like him, there was no chance for “us”. And I still can’t figure out if I was lying to them. Or lying to myself.


The feelings, were they for him, or the chase. That’s really ironic since his name is Chase. But maybe, I was liking him liking me. I was confused on what I wanted. I didn’t know what to do. And I missed my chance. And I missed him.


At the end of the year, everything started to get better. It seemed the awkwardness of him liking me, then not liking me, had passed. My feelings altered back to the friendship kind. We talked to each other more than ever. We began texting everyday. But I was still confused. And I didn’t care. I stopped overthinking all of it.


I’m not sure if this story was supposed to help me realize what I want. Somehow I’ll get answers on what I should’ve done, or what I’ll do next. If Chase has a possibility to be in my future. I’m not sure. And I can’t really say for sure what’ll happen.


But for now, I do know what’s happening. It’s currently two o’clock in the morning, and Chase and I are texting each other. That’s what happening. And that’s all I care about. I’m happy. And I’m happy now, this moment. And I started thinking about him. About us. About school. About everything. I wish I knew how I feel. He did finally tell me that he liked me. And I still don’t know what I should’ve told him. What I should tell him. Now. Because maybe I’m getting a second chance somehow.

So tell me this, why is it that people you like, don’t like you back, while the people that like you, you don’t like? I know that sounds confusing. But most things in life, are in fact, confusing.