I couldn’t stop staring. She had this face, this face of an angel. Words were spilling out of her lips but I couldn’t hear past the palpitations of her wondrous brain. We were infinite; she just didn’t know it yet. The mid-morning sun was illuminating the gold in her hair and making her skin something like a glistening blanket.

“I don’t know,” She said, her voice hinting at a past unspoken. “I’m alright from it, I guess.”

I had no idea what story she’d just told. Something that made the insides of her eyes water and her hands shake slightly as they gripped the edges of the blue painted bench.

Her shoulders, just a little pink on the sides, were slumping forward. With everything I had, I wanted to wrap my arms around her and let her whisper her sorrows away.

The words stumbled out of my mouth before I could swipe them away, “You look so beautiful right now.”

Her eyes flickered from the ground to my face and back. In an insecure motion, she pursed her lips. And in the same motion, she reached her fingers up to tangle themselves in her hair. I wish she could’ve seen the way that the breeze pushed the strands over the pink of her luscious lips.

“Thanks, I guess.” She shrugged, looking out and around. Looking anywhere but at my face. She scanned cars with her dull gaze, a lifelessness seeping itself down to my very bones.

“I…” Trailed off. My hands insecurely found themselves in the pockets of my sweatshirt, “Sorry. That was weird.”

Squinting, she finally held my eyes. I could see gold in her eyelashes and intelligence far past textbooks in her thoughts. A shrug was all she gave me. A nod was all I could return.

My cheeks betrayed me, I had to look to the bushes behind us to hide the deep crimson blush flooding them. She didn’t notice.

A distant voice made us both turn around, a voice full of excitement. “Caitlyn, Luke! I found this place, we should go shoot it before we have to be back.” Melanie.

Caitlyn looked up, she seemed a little lighter now. Melanie had that effect on people.

Caity rose with the grace of a goddess and snagged the school-appointed camera off the bench next to her. My camera was already dangling loosely from my neck, so when I rose before her, I waited for her to pass before I went on.

Mel was talking. Babbling and babbling about something having to do with rust. It was so bright, I had to squint my eyes to try and follow her lips. But then I wasn’t listening at all, and the rust of her story became the rust of my thoughts. I guess you could say that I lost myself in the rusty version of the girl in front of me, of Caitlyn, I could see the years of nothingness that left the mark of orange residue forever painted on her beautiful soul.

She had secrets. They were hidden behind long hair and quiet apologies, the warmth of her hands were making me feel them. She looked at the floor as if it were the only thing she could rely on. Chewing the insides of her cheeks, she stared at the painstakingly uneven concrete. It was as if her thoughts were forcing her to chew—naw, naw, naw on the skin so that it would no longer burden her.

I could practically hear the screaming inside her brain, I could practically feel the implosion of my own brain in the veiled attempt to understand hers.

Caitlyn was twisting the edges of her hair on the end of her fingers, staring into a secret only she could see. God, she was so beautiful.

“Are you guys even listening?” Melanie shot an infectious laugh, something that Caitlyn gripped to like a life preserver. I watched her face, in such a fleeting distraction, catch Mel’s. Like a movie, I viewed the corners of her cheeks curve up and listened to the music of her laugh as she did her best to keep herself afloat.

I held my camera up, not even bothering to respond. Before Melanie could look my way, I snapped a photo.

“Hey!” She said so loudly, the gym teacher shushed us from across the street. Chuckling, she apologized and Caitlyn and I dove into a photo shoot of Mel’s head. “Guys!” She screeched, holding her hands up in defense, “Stop! I don’t like pictures of me!”

“Well, that sucks,” Caitlyn plopped herself on the ground, legs spread into a V and focused the camera. Melanie did everything she could to hide herself behind her hands.

I flicked the camera off and plopped myself down next to Caitlyn, feeling something like butterflies explode with her closeness. Her perfume was a mixture of roses and vanilla and it mixed to become this embodiment of her.

I don’t think she really noticed me sitting there. Her eyes were squinted into the camera screen and she was scrolling through some blurry photos, angrily pressing the trash button with the force of Athena.

Mel started walking away before we could even get off the ground.

“Guys! Come on, I wanted to show you the place I found!”

With the hopes of offering my hand, I stood quickly. She was up before I could even extend my arm and again, the crimson flushed my cheeks of anything but red. I let her lead the way. She didn’t need to see my embarrassment.

By the time we crossed the parking lot and got to the football field, the rest of the gang was already there. They were squealing and making odd noises and when they saw us we were downed in cries of,

“CAITLYN!”

“MELLLLANIE”

“LUKEY-PUKEY!"

                There was no way that we could’ve stopped Mel from rocketing towards them. She shoved through the gate and leaped into their huddle. Everyone was laughing, Anna and Alex were singing some song in the most horrific tone I’d ever heard, and Caitlyn seemed a little pleased to see them all.

            In a dumb attempt to get her attention, I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and loudly proclaimed, “Guys, this here is Caitlyn, I don’t know if you’ve all met!”

            Tommy and Dustin abandoned the huddle and ran over to us, huge grins on their faces. They screamed, “Caitlyn! We missed you!” and shoved me off so they could engulf her in their arms.

            Her laughter toasted my heart. I wish she could’ve felt the heat, radiating off me like a freaking sun beam. I didn’t know it then, but I do now. And nothing will ever be the same.

            I love her.