Wake up. Get dressed. Eat a tasteless breakfast of whole grain cereal because the doctor says you need to start eating healthy. Get in the car. Drive yourself to “Waterson’s Wonderful Zoo” so you can spend your day cleaning up giraffe crap and getting hollered at by Mr. Daniel J. Waterson III for a living. Go home and eat a tasteless dinner and then lay on your foldout couch in silence until you fall asleep because your TV is still not working. Do it all again the next day.

Does that sound like fun? That was Jim’s whole life.

He did not enjoy it. If he thought he had other options, he would have left a long time ago, but he didn’t. He figured anywhere he went it would have been the exact same. He didn’t have any special skills or schooling, so he would get a bad job anywhere. He would never be able to afford an apartment much nicer than the one he already had. He was bad at people, so he wouldn’t ever have friends. Or a girlfriend. The only family he had was his Uncle Martin who lived in Scotland and was a self-proclaimed horse whisperer and chicken trainer. Jim was not moving to Scotland.

So he stayed in his dingy little apartment with his falling-apart old car and kept the same awful job at the local zoo. Every day at 9:00 AM they opened the gates and let in lines of bored teenagers and families with noisy small children. Occasionally there was the elderly couple who couldn’t find the bathrooms or the gorilla exhibit and needed constant assistance with their maps.

The owner of the zoo, Mr. Waterson, was a horrible man who hated animals and people. A great candidate for running a zoo. His great grandfather started the zoo and had passed it down through the generations, so Waterson was expected to keep the old place running until his son grew up. He spent the days complaining about animal smells and telling his employees to move faster, work harder.

June 11 was no different than any other day in Jim’s life. He went into work at the usual time. He chatted with old Wally in the coffee room about baseball and cars. Or at least, he pretended to. He didn’t really know anything about baseball or cars. Christine walked in in her usual bouncy way. She was always happy, and nobody understood why. If you asked her, she would just spout out some ridiculous nonsense about how the sky was particularly blue, the flowers were blooming, and the penguins were in a good mood today. She seemed especially excited about something this time.

“Hey Wally!” she chirped. “How’s your morning?”

Wally replied with a groan. Christine just laughed.

“Happy Birthday Jim!”

“Oh,” said Jim, “I forgot. Thanks, Christine.” Forgot his own birthday. Just one year closer to dying, he thought.

“Are you hungry?” She walked over to the fridge and opened it to reveal some annoyingly brightly frosted cupcakes. She made them for everyone’s birthday.

Jim didn’t have time to reply because Waterson burst through the break room doors.

“It’s 8:40, you bums! Why aren’t you working? We open in twenty minutes, people! You always just lounge around in here to hide from me, don’t you? Time is money, buttheads!” With that, he grabbed three cupcakes and stomped out.

Christine had a startled look on her face. “He’s so angry all the time. Not good for his circulatory system. I guess I better go get to work. Have a nice birthday, Jim!”

Jim did not have a nice birthday. The giraffes pooped more than usual and the sun was extra bright. There was a little girl who threw up all over the train. Waterson was not nicer to people on their birthdays. After work, Jim got in his car and turned the key. It sputtered and then he heard the engine die.

Crap.

This had to be one of the worst birthdays Jim had ever had. He got out of the car and opened the hood, letting out a cloud of black smoke. Fried.

He left the car in the zoo parking lot and started walking home. He noticed that there was a man walking on the opposite side of the street. He had been going the same way as Jim for about twenty minutes when Jim had to make a left turn. The strange man turned too.

Jim started to worry. If he got robbed, he would have no way to defend himself. He took a karate class when he was in second grade, but he couldn’t remember anything he’d learned. Jim never knew how to do things when it was important.

He tried to sneak a few glances at the stranger. He really didn’t look that threatening. He was old and hunched over, with a bushy gray beard. He was wearing ragged old clothes and a backpack. His hands were in his pockets, but it didn’t seem like he had any large weapons. He was dirty, and his long, greasy hair was unbrushed. More than a few teeth were missing by the look of his flattened jaws.

Jim decided he wasn’t scared. It was just a homeless man. Probably wanted Jim to give him some food or money. Jim turned around and stopped walking. The stranger stopped, too, a half block behind.

Jim approached him. He didn’t smell great. “What? What do you want?”

“What do you mean?” The stranger’s voice was deep and had a strange echo.

“You were following me. Who are you? What do you want from me?”

“You ask the wrong questions, young warlock.”

“What the heck does that even mean?”

“Who are you? What do you want?”

“Look, I don’t have any money or food. And if you’re trying to get me to find Jesus or something I’m not interested. Bye!” Jim turned around and started walking away. What a strange man.

“Happy birthday, Jim.”

Jim stopped walking. “What did you say?” he whispered.

He turned around to see the stranger walking away. He ran after him, hollering.

“Hey! Come back here! What did you just say to me?”

The stranger stopped.

“Who are you?”

He didn’t answer.

“How did you know it was my birthday?”

The stranger said nothing. He reached deep into a pocket of his coat and pulled something out.

It was a spoon.

A spoon? A rusty old spoon. It didn’t look safe to eat with. In fact, it looked like it would be unsafe to even touch the thing. The stranger held out the spoon to Jim. Jim shook his head and backed away because he wanted absolutely nothing to do with that spoon. The man kept coming closer, holding it out in front of him.

“A birthday gift,” the old man said softly. “A birthday gift from the universe.” The man lobbed the spoon at Jim and took off running at an incredible speed for such an old man, laughing like a maniac.

“You’re crazy!” Jim yelled at the stranger’s fading back.

He looked at the spoon laying on the sidewalk. He shook his head and continued his walk home.

Suddenly something hit him in the back of the head, hard. He turned around and heard a clang on the ground as he did. The spoon was there, laying right behind him again. Jim looked around to see who threw it at him. This day kept getting worse. He didn’t see anyone, so he kicked the spoon into the grass beside him and kept on walking.

By the time he got home, it was dark. He didn’t bother eating dinner. He needed to sleep and forget the day had ever happened.

When he woke up the next day, his legs were sore from walking. As he lay under the blankets, he recalled his walk the previous night. He chuckled to himself about the crazy old man with the spoon. Some dumb teenagers pulling a prank, probably.

He got out of bed and went to the kitchen for breakfast. He poured himself some cereal and milk. He went to get a spoon out of the drawer.

His eyes widened in horror. How could this be happening? The only spoon in the drawer was the spoon. The one from the crazy old man. Jim panicked. He checked all the windows and doors in the apartment. Locked. How did the spoon get in?

He went outside and looked up and down the street. It was empty.

On his way back to the apartment, Jim’s neighbor, Terry stopped him.

“Hey Jim! This was in the mailbox. It’s for you.”

Terry handed him an envelope. It was shiny and had a wax seal on it. There was nothing written on it but his name. No stamps, no addresses.

Jim took it back up to his apartment and studied it a bit longer. He had completely abandoned the cereal. He was not going to use that spoon.

He removed the seal and opened the envelope. It was a letter.

“Hello, Jim.

By now you have probably received your spoon. Do not try to get rid of it. It will only come back to you again, and besides, you will most certainly be needing it.

The spoon holds magic, Jim. The most powerful magic in the universe. Only you can wield it and control its powers.

To use it, simply hold it with both hands and will it to do as you wish with all of your concentration.

I will pay you a visit soon to teach you more.

- Krazor”

A magical spoon? What would he need it for? And what the heck kind of a name was Krazor?

Jim looked at the spoon again. He decided it was worth a try. He held it with both hands and pointed it at his unmade couch bed. He concentrated as hard as he could and the bed made itself right before his eyes. Jim stumbled back and stared at the spoon.

His phone rang. He looked at the time. Oh no. He was late for work. He picked up the phone.

“JIM! YOU’RE FIRED IF YOU DON’T TURN UP IN FIVE MINUTES! DO YOU HEAR ME?”

It was Waterson. Jim hadn’t even bothered to get dressed, let alone get to work. He glanced at the spoon.

“Oh! Sorry, Mr. Waterson, sir. I’ll be there soon.”

He picked up the spoon. It had better work long-distance, he thought. He concentrated.

“That’s fine, Jim,” Waterson spoke in a voice so soft and gentle Jim barely recognized it. “You take your time now.” Jim concentrated harder. “In fact, why don’t you take the day off, Jim? Yesterday was your birthday, right? Yeah. Consider it a gift from us here at the zoo.” Us? Since when did Waterson acknowledge anyone else at the zoo? “Enjoy your free day, buddy! Bye bye!”

Wow. Jim looked at the spoon in his hand with awe. A gift from the universe.

His stomach grumbled. He wished for a tall stack of pancakes, and there it was. He thought of all the things he could do with his new power as he devoured the magical breakfast.

He wished his car was at the apartment. He looked out the window to see it there in the parking lot. Why settle for that old thing? He concentrated. He looked out the window again to see a brand new, shiny car there in the place of the old one.

He looked around his small, dark apartment. He concentrated as hard as he could, closing his eyes tightly. He opened them standing in a giant room with high ceilings. He ran through the halls of his new mansion. There was a whole room full of nothing but money. Stacks and stacks. He would never have to go back to that horrible zoo again.

He wished for friends, a butler, a personal chef, a girlfriend, and a few dogs. A lot of dogs. He wished for an indoor pool. A bowling alley. A new TV. Then his own movie theater. It all came to him with just a little bit of concentration.

This was the best and most ridiculous thing that had ever happened. How was it possible? It was just a spoon. He heard his new doorbell ringing.

“Antonio, would you get that please?” He called to the butler.

Jim finished up another lap in his gold-plated, diamond-studded, Olympic sized swimming pool and dried off to go into the front foyer. He was not ready for what he saw there.

A tall man. Very tall. Probably about eight feet. He had a large forehead and shining blue eyes behind masses of white hair and beard. He wore a dark cloak.

“Hello. I am Krazor. You must be Jim. Are you ready to learn about your spoon?”

“Oh,” Jim wasn’t sure what to say in the presence of this being. “I already used it a bit.” He replied, looking around the house. “I think I’ve got the hang of it now.”

“No,” Krazor said simply. “You know nothing. Let us sit down.”

They went into one of Jim’s seven new sitting rooms. They sat on Jim’s new red velvet couch and were served mango juice with little umbrellas.

“There are some things you must know about that spoon,” Krazor told Jim.

“Shoot.”

“The spoon was forged millions of years ago on a planet far from here. It was made for the king of the universe at the time. However, once others found out about its powers, they decided they would do anything to get it from the king. He was slain in his sleep and the spoon stolen. Since then, it has passed through many hands. Until now. Now you, Jim, hold the spoon. You are the heir of the king, and that spoon belongs to you.”

Jim spat out his juice. Antonio dabbed it off for him. “Me? The heir of the KING OF THE UNIVERSE?”

“Yes. And do keep your voice down. I am a skilled wizard, but I would never be able to use the spoon like you could, which is why I had it sent to you. As the heir, you have a special connection with the spoon and, with some training, will be able to harness its true powers. The universe needs you.”

“The universe needs me?” Jim was in shock. What a week he was having.

“Indeed. The universe is in grave danger. There is a dark wizard who is threatening to take over the whole universe and enslave or kill all of its beings. You must battle him.”

“You want me to save the universe?”

“Yes, I suppose that is what I am asking you to do. Jim, will you save the universe?”

“Where do I start?”

Jim was a slow learner. Krazor had spent hundreds of years reading up on the spoon and tried to teach Jim, but he’d never used magic before. After a few months of intense training, Jim had learned how to use the spoon for traveling, curses, spells, and defense. He also re-learned karate.

He and Krazor traveled deep into space to the dark wizard’s home planet. When they arrived there, it was not as strange as Jim had thought it would be. There were buildings just like the ones on Earth and even similar cars.

“Krazor?”

“Yes?”

“What is the dark wizard’s name?”

Krazor looked around to make sure no one was listening. “Bim.”

“Bim?”

“Yes.”

“That’s a funny name. Not very scary, is it?”

“Neither is ‘Jim.’”

Jim asked Krazor if they would have to travel to some epic battleground for the fight. Krazor shook his head and pointed to a building in front of them. An apartment building. They walked in and up to the third floor. They knocked on a door. Jim was reminded of his old life. He felt a sense of pride at everything he’d made with the spoon. He was much happier now. Once he defeated this wizard, he could go home a hero. Then he’d have fame to go with his fortune.

He snapped out of his daydream as the door was opened from the inside. Standing there in the doorway was an extremely ordinary looking man. He was about the same size as Jim, with the same balding spot on his head.

“We’re here for Bim!” Jim looked in the apartment behind the man. “Where are you hiding him?”

The man laughed, and Krazor just stared. “I’m right here,” The man replied.

This man? This man was the one with the power to destroy the universe?

Bim walked past them and down the stairs. Krazor followed, so Jim came too. They walked into the street outside. Bim held his hands out to the cars, and they stopped. He was controlling them with magic. Jim grabbed his spoon. He tried to throw Bim back, but Bim resisted it. He was more powerful than Jim had expected. The spoon started to shake. It went on that way for a while, Jim casting moves at Bim, only some of them working. Bim had a different strategy. Every time Jim sent an attack, he would zap a car. He just pointed at it and it would disappear along with all the people in it.

“Where are you sending them?” Jim yelled, sending a spell at Bim. Bim was knocked back and covered in heavy green slime.

“Nowhere.” Bim struggled to move his hands and zapped another car. There was a family inside. “I just banish them from existence. They don’t exist anymore.”

“Why are you doing this?” Jim looked at Bim and lowered the spoon. “Why do try to take over the universe? Why do you want us to be your slaves?

“Look at my apartment, Jim. Look around here. This is my life. It’s not fair. I am stuck. I am alone. When everyone is under my control, I will have power. Everyone will know me. Everyone will love me.”

Jim remembered his old life. Before the spoon, he’d felt the same way. Maybe he could help Bim. They could both have new lives and be happy.

“No,” Krazor whispered behind Jim. “I heard what you were thinking. That won’t work, Jim. He is not like you. He has had a taste of dark power, and that’s all he can do now. You must defeat him. Use the power move.”

“The power move? Won’t that destroy the spoon?”

“Yes. And all the things it has created for you. Your house, your cars, even the dogs.”

“Krazor, I can’t! I can’t go back to my other life!”

Behind him, Bim had escaped the slime and seemed to be concentrating very hard. Suddenly, the ground beneath them was gone. Everything was gone. They were floating in space, and Bim was cackling darkly. “Do you know how many people were on that planet?” He yelled. “Nine billion! All their little houses, all their art, all their music. Their dogs. It’s all gone.” He laughed some more.

“I’ll do the power move.” Jim focused all his energy on Bim and concentrated. The spoon shook in his hands, but he held it in place. There was a flash of blue light. Everyone was knocked back and blinded for a moment.

Jim felt something on his back. Then gravity was back to him and he was laying on something. Something kind of soft, but also lumpy and uncomfortable. He recognized his old sofa bed. His sight came back to him and he looked around his old apartment. He felt a sadness come over him. His girlfriend, his cars, Antonio. They were all gone. He would have to go back to work at the zoo. He would not be loved by the world or seen as the hero that saved the universe. Nobody knew but him.

Somehow, though, that was enough. He felt a sense of accomplishment. Pride. He knew. He knew what he’d done. He’d been on a space adventure and defeated the most dangerous man in the universe. Maybe his life sucked, but he’d always have the spoon. In his memory. Just him.