As my mother tucked me into bed I couldn’t help but feel excited. Is she coming today? She had promised to visit me soon and I had desperately missed her. I had told mama about her but she had dismissed her as a figment of my imagination, but I know she is wrong. Isana was real, very real. She would always visit me when no one was there. She constantly helps me out and is the very best sibling I could ever hope for. I still don’t understand why mama won’t accept Isana but she is my sister and mama can’t change that! Mother gently closes the door. I firmly shut my eyes, eager to see my beloved sister, Isana. As my mind began to drift on different thoughts I soon found myself in a deep slumber. 

I felt the soft grass underneath me and opened my eyes. Looking around I noticed that this time I was at the apex of a small hill. A huge field bespeckled with poppies, violets, and roses lay below. Amidst, the flurry of colors stood a girl who appeared to be in her teens. She was sitting on a checkered picnic blanket with a basket beside her. I smiled as I recognized the girl as Isana. I ran down the hill and tore through the field, eager to reach Isana. Plopping down beside her, I reached for her hand. She smiled or at least I think she did. For some reason, Isana always had a mask on her. It was a dark, ugly mask in the shape of a beak. It hid everything, except for her eyes. Her eyes were always showing. I gradually learned to make out Isana’s emotions through observing her bright, inquisitive eyes. The first time I had met her, I had asked Isana why she was always wearing that mask. She simply smiled and said that I would know when I’m older. Ughh, it was the same excuse all adults give. Diffidently I accepted the excuse although the question had never truly left my mind. Occasionally I would still pester her about the mask and Isana unlike the adults who would get annoyed at me would always simply just smile and tell me that the time was not right. I always wondered what was underneath that mask and what the right time was but soon I had learned to get used to it and gradually just let it be. “Isana you finally came!” I said excitedly.

“Of course I did, I promised you after all,” Isana said with a gentle smile. Her almond brown eyes were in the shape of a crescent moon whenever she smiled. Feeling giddy I latched myself on to Isana. Isana never minded when I touched her. The beak of her mask clawed at my hair. I felt a small shiver down my spine as I grabbed her other hand. At first, the mask was specious and I had mistaken her for a person with bad intentions. Mother had always warned me about strangers. However, as I saw Isana more,  I soon realized that I could trust her and that she was very affectionate. As expected, Isana simply patted my hair as I continued to embrace her in my arms. The basket next to her opened swiftly as the contents of the bag began to levitate in the air. The aroma of candies, pastries, and spices filled the fields as they danced in the sky. I was in awe as I continued to stare in a blatant manner. It was like magic! I watched as the food hovered over the blanket. My eyes feasted on the sight in front of me. My favorite dishes had been prepared! From tiramisu and chocolate pies to egg puffs and steamed broccoli, everything was my favorite! My eyes were wide and I let out a small gasp. Isana chuckled at my response. Ebullience filled the air as I was surrounded by my favorite foods and Isana’s smiling face. Curious, I asked Isana how did she know what my favorite food was. Her eyes lit up as she explained how it was her duty as my sibling to do so. She reached inside the blanket and pulled out a small statue. It was a statue of her. She was wearing a coral pink dress, yet even in that statue, she was still wearing a mask. “This is an effigy of me so that you can always remember me, even when I am not here. This effigy of mine will always stay with you that way even in the future, I know exactly what you like and don’t like!” That only created more questions in my tiny brain. What was an effigy? Is it something you make with eggs? Unknowingly I had said that out loud which caused Isana to burst out in laughter. I sat there confused looking at Isana. I wasn’t sure why she was laughing but at least she was happy. Noticing my confused glance Isana quieted down. She brushed my hair with her fingers, untangling any knots. She gently asked me if I would like to go on an errant with her as we did in the past. Putting on a brave facade, I agreed and hesitantly rose to my feet and started to head towards the forest. Isana proactively grabbed my hand as we both slowly approached the forest. Slowly the fields of flowers turned to paths filled with trees.

As we entered the forest, I took note of the beauty around me. Elegant maple trees adorned with bright red and orange leaves greeted hello. Mushrooms small and large of all shapes and colors bedecked the forest floor. It was one of the most beautiful scenes I had ever seen in my life. The beautiful images of the forest had brought out inarticulate emotions within me. I glanced up to look at Isana’s head. My eyes were greeted by warm sunlight that peaked through the trees. I stopped in my path and reached out to touch one of the mushrooms that were near us. It was small in size and was a pastel blue color that contrasted with the fallen maple leaves greatly. Isana quickly noticed what I was doing and was quick to stop me before everything went downhill. Confused, I looked at her, but her eyes only showed worry. She took my hands and told me to look her in the eyes. I did as I was instructed because Isana looked scary at that moment. She told me that the most beautiful things are always the most dangerous in nature and to not be affected by their specious appearance. Her words were impalpable to my six-year-old brain but I nodded, all the same, to show that I understood what she said although honestly, I didn’t. We continued to walk deeper into the forest until we reached a pathway filled with soil and detritus. Smack in the middle of the pathway, a large stone wall covered with strange inscriptions.

“What are those drawings on the wall over there ?” I asked, my voice was quivering. Isana, vividly confused, turned to look at what I was pointing to and saw the stone wall as well.

“ This is an incantation destined to give one happiness,” Isana said in a sad voice. I looked at her once again, this time I noticed the tears that were forming in her eyes. I panicked seeing her in an emotional state and started smacking her on the leg to get her attention. She looked down at me and tilted her head. Her attempt to mask her sadness failed when I pointed it out as all children do. There was something furtive about her actions and I wanted to know why. 

“ Why are you crying? ” I asked with panic in my voice. “ Did I do something to make Isana upset? ” Isana bent down and patted my head. She shook her head and told me not to overthink it and that it had nothing to do with me. Being the idiot I was, I decided to make everything worse by talking to her in an officious manner.

“ There's nothing to worry about! ” I exclaimed. “ You have me and mama! Papa will help out too! Even though I’m not sure why they say you don’t exist.” I muttered the last part to myself quietly but it was still loud enough for Isana to hear. Breaking down Isana started to cry which caused me to cry with her. Hugging me tightly she told me that she had to leave and it was time for me to wake up. I nodded but was confused why I had to leave her all alone and sad. I wanted to ask if I could stay but I knew the answer would always be no. With a sigh, she took a necklace with a bright blue stone that had a beautiful pearly opalescence. She brought it from her neck and placed it on mine. Bewildered, I looked at her with confusion in my eyes. The same almond brown eyes looked back down at me.

“ Take this with you before you leave.” She said softly. “ Think of it as a promise that I’ll see you again very soon… kind of like the statue.” Reluctantly I nodded my head and rested my head on her knees to fall asleep once again to wake up.

I woke up to the delicious smell of my mama’s cooking. An aroma of spices and herbs filled my room. Excited, I ran out of the room and into the kitchen without my slippers. “MAMA MAMA!” I shouted excitedly. “ I saw Isana again last night! She even gave me this beautiful necklace! Look, look!” My mother looked down toward me and saw the necklace. She said that the necklace was given to me by my grandmother and not this made-up sister Isana. Upset at the fact that my mother accused me, I wanted to talk back. 

“But-” I just started my sentence when my mother started yelling at me and giving me a tirade. She went on and on in a strident tone about how Isana wasn’t real and if I continued like this she would have to take me to the doctors. I argued back and the argument ended with bitter feelings and recrimination. My mother’s incredulity of Isana had upset me greatly and before I realized we had slowly started to distance ourselves from each other. She had labeled me as a “psycho” who still has imaginary friends and didn’t listen to their mother. I refused to have a mother who is incredulous towards me.

Time passed and soon it has been 10 years since I last saw Isana. I still held on to the silly dream that Isana would soon come and visit me but deep down I was also wondering if she was just my imagination. Everyone had imaginary friends when they were younger. Maybe mine was just a bit too realistic. With a sigh, I laid back down on my bed. I wasn’t sure whether or not I should still believe in the existence of Isana. My ‘friends’ used to mock me about Isana. I have vivid memories of their derisive attitudes after hearing of my “imaginary friend.” Finally, I decided to just cut them off. It was the right choice honestly because my “friends” ended up causing a lot of drama last year. Constructing webs of lies, rumors, and manipulating others, it was ludicrous. To be frank, deep down I never truly liked her. However, I slowly found it harder and harder to cling to my memories of Isana. Was she truly just a figment of my imagination?

I tossed and turned in my bed many nights at a time. Sleep rarely comes to me anymore. I was not like this when I was younger. When I was younger, at least I had Isana. Vicissitudes had happened and my carefree lifestyle soon became lonely and depressed. Life was so much better when I was younger. Isana was there and I wasn’t alone. I was briefly immured in a mental hospital. I needed help, they said. My mother was eager to ship me away there. They sent me back after two weeks. Ever since then it was like all hell broke loose and my life was a rollercoaster. I looked toward my desk and realized it was already 1 AM. “Go to bed, Isa”, I told myself. Sluggishly I pulled myself up and did my nightly routine and then plopped down onto the bed, hoping sleep would come at last. I soon dozed off into a sweet dream.

I woke up this time to the feeling of wind blowing on my face. I opened my eyes to see I was in a field below a hill. There were violets, poppies, and roses surrounding me as far as the eye could see. Looking around I saw a little girl. I went up to her planning to ask her where I was. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned around. I went rigid. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was me! It was me when I was 5! This doesn’t make sense! As if noticing my panicked state my younger self asked me what my name was and why I am here. In a state of panic, I blurted out Isana. I froze. This was all too familiar. Immediately I made a tacit agreement with myself as I noticed the smile that was on my face. The sweet innocent smile before everything changed. I realized just why there had always been a mask on Isana’s face. That was because she was me. She didn’t want me to know the truth. I was her and she was me. With a smile and attitude that was a parody of Isana, I told her that my name was Isana and I was her older sister. As I walked with Isa toward the blanket amid the field, I couldn’t help but wonder who it would be to break this cycle.