Adelaide. She may be the kingdom’s princess, but she is the queen of my heart. I know I am merely her knight. I know she only sees me as a shield, but there is nothing more I want to be. I would never set out to win her affection; that would be disgustingly selfish of me. She is my everything, and I am her something. I am the luckiest.

Sitting together at the tavern, I was only partly focused on my meal. My eyes were mainly on her and the surroundings. I gazed at her long, braided hair, which faded between blonde and brown. Her eyes were dark turquoise, and her skin was nearly ivory. Although she wore no makeup, her lips were bright cherry red. Since we were  both 19, I suppose the youthful glow was natural. And yet, it was much more noticeable on her compared to others.

Woodenclock Tavern was seemingly safe, but safety is never guaranteed in a public space like this. The tavern was well-lit, and the people were friendly. Families were laughing together as children played with their food. The smell of the meats, vegetables, and desserts all combined into one delicious scent.

We stopped here on our way to Cardinal Castle, where her fiance, Prince Ajax, lived. She was on her way to discuss political matters, and I was to protect her on the journey. On foot, it would only take a couple days. She insisted on walking, and said that the horses would only get in the way. She also was insistent that I be the only one to escort her. I found this unusual, but I dared not defy her. 

“Aspen,” Her voice broke our comfortable silence, “you will protect me here, yes? I know the question is foolish but..,” her sea green eyes fell to her bracelet, which she anxiously fiddled with, “I don’t know. I just have a bad feeling.” 

“Princess, I have vowed to protect you. There is no need to be afraid. My attention is directed towards your safety, always. If we are met with danger, the danger will be eliminated.” 

I kept an eye on the strangers in the tavern, even the friendly ones. I felt she wasn’t in immediate danger, but she wanted me to keep an eye out, so I did. I noticed a young man a couple tables away, probably a couple years older than me, looking at Adelaide accusingly. Instinctively, I grabbed for my sword, but I remained seated. That is, until he stood up and started marching towards her. Before he could get any closer, I filled the space between them. 

The man lunged at me with a dagger, and as he got close, I kicked his torso and pinned him to the ground with my foot. His hand went to his pocket and he had another dagger- a better one. Before I could react, it had been stabbed into my calf. Families laughing minutes before were now staring at the scene made before them. Blood seeped through the fabric. Despite the pain, I remained up. 

“Why are you protecting her? Foolish boy, you have no idea the atrocities you commit by keeping her alive!” His words went in one ear and out the other. My focus was directed to eliminating the danger rather than questioning my loyalty. By now, the tavern keeper called the guards. The young man was arrested. 

We left shortly after. I was given a numbing potion to ease the pain of my injury, but it wouldn’t last the entire journey. I was such a fool! How could I get injured so early on? Adelaide was in danger because of me!

We arrived at a resting camp for travelers to stay for the night. Adelaide barely spoke to me the entire way. Was she upset with me? Perhaps embarrassed by my failure? As I bandaged my leg, she looked at me with tears in her eyes.

“Aspen, I don’t want you to think about what the man said! Please, I can’t have you leave me! I want you with me!” She sat down, and insisted on bandaging the wound herself.

“Princess, I would never leave you because some drunk told me to. I know I can trust you.” Of course I trusted her. I had been her knight for 3 years, and not once have I doubted her.

Sleep arrived sooner than I expected. When I awoke, a monster was facing me. My blood ran cold, and I felt my body slow down. I was too cold to move. I couldn’t do anything except let the monster stare into my soul. For the first time in a long time, I was scared. Not for Adelaide, not for the kingdom, but for myself. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the primal desperation to survive. But I was frozen. I was cold. I was still. I was frozen. It clawed its way through my skin. Tearing my ribcage, its hands grabbed my heart. I should be dead by now but I am not. I am alive, and I can feel my body collapsing.

“Aspen!” 

Instead of the monster, Adelaide was staring at me this time. I could feel my hands shaking and a cold sweat on my forehead.

“Are you okay? You seem unwell!” 

I shook my head, sat up, and looked at my surroundings. It was morning, we were still at the resting place. I must have had a nightmare. 

“Forget it, I am fine. We have to get going.” As the adrenaline wore off, I felt the throbbing pain in my calf. 

We packed our belongings and set off for travel. As we were about to leave, a traveling witch looked at me pitifully. She sat by a big cauldron that was over a fire. She seemed to be using her magic to keep the pot floating over the fire. Would that witch sell me a potion of healing? I’d be a proficient knight again if only I could be healed.  I glanced at Adelaide, who was still organizing her bag. She probably wouldn’t notice if I left for half a minute. I took a small bag of gold out of my pocket and approached the witch.

“Excuse me ma’am, I was wondering what potion you were brewing.” I felt awkward as she looked up at me from her seat. She glanced at my face, then at my wound, then back at my face.

“You lookin’ to buy?” 

“Er, well, I am injured and um.. Well, would you sell me a potion to heal wounds? I would be very thankful.” I knew how much of an idiot I looked like, but hopefully it would be worth it. Anything if it meant I could protect Adelaide. The witch raised her eyebrow, and scooped the liquid from the pot into the bottle. 

“Thank you, ma’am!” I said, and sighed in relief as I handed her the bag of gold. As I returned to Adelaide, I chugged the potion and almost immediately, I felt better. That is, until I saw that my princess was upset.

“Who was that? Why are you drinking that?” I flinched as she grabbed the empty bottle from my hand. “Did you seriously buy a potion from an unauthorized witch? You have no idea if there were frog guts in there!” I was taken aback by her outburst, but stayed calm.

“Princess, the potion brew looked reliable. Besides, now my injury won’t reduce my ability.”

She huffed, annoyed, but satisfied enough not to ask anymore questions. Was she upset with me? I know that the witch wasn’t exactly a professional, but I didn’t think Adelaide would scold me so harshly for buying a homemade brew. Did I do something to make her upset? I didn’t want to ask.
The rest of the journey to Ajax’s castle was… unusual. There was an abnormal amount of attacks against Adelaide. Something just felt wrong. Usually when I defend Adelaide, it’s against strange beasts incapable of thought. But these were all people, and they were all angry. 

For instance, while we were walking, this old lady came out of nowhere and was swinging sticks at Adelaide. The old lady was repeating nonsense about how Adelaide would reign tyranny, and that she is a walking plague. Stuff like that just kept happening, and I didn’t really understand why. Fortunately, neither I or Adelaide got injured.

Thankfully, we finally made it to Ajax’s castle. We were welcomed by maids and butlers, who showed us the guestrooms and served us dinner.

After we ate, Adelaide was to meet with Ajax and other representatives of the kingdom to discuss something political. I don’t know, she didn’t tell me. 

“As much as I would like for you to stand guard during the meeting, this information is absolutely classified. You should go to your sleeping chambers and only leave when I call for you. Understood?”
“Yes, princess.”

It was rare for Adelaide to dismiss me from duty, but I didn’t think much of it. Instead, I found myself in the sleeping chamber. Alone. The wallpaper had intricate patterns and the bed was soft enough to sink into it. I will admit, Prince Ajax’s castle is much nicer than the one Adelaide was raised in. I was glad they would marry; she would live in a nice castle. Prince Ajax was a good man. He was around Adelaide’s age, which was lucky. I had heard of other princesses who were married off to princes much too old for them. 

As my mind wandered, I felt sick as the memory of my nightmare crawled into my thoughts. My mind felt heavier than my body while I thought over the dream. I could’ve sworn I had seen that monster before, it just felt so familiar. But it’s probably just that. A feeling. If I saw a monster like that, I would have remembered it. 

“Aspen, here!” Adelaide’s voice startled me, and it echoed vaguely. 

Her voice was hard to follow. It was almost like it was coming from everywhere. I couldn’t quite follow the sound of her voice, so I let my feet do the thinking. It led me down the hallways, seemingly endless. Every time she called for me, it became more and more distorted. Everything was hazy and my mind was blank. I felt like I was experiencing a half-lucid fever dream. But eventually, I found my way to her.

She was in the ballroom, her back facing me. But for once, it wasn’t her that I was focused on. No, it was the bodies of the castle staff. Although they were dead, the bodies looked like they were suffering. And the worst sight was Prince Ajax. He was disemboweled, his eyes plucked out, and ribs broken. My blood ran cold, and I felt the same primal fear I did in that nightmare. The fear for my own survival. 

Was she the monster?

My eyes scanned over the bodies. I could recognize them, too. The maid who showed me my room had a hole through her chest and her hair was ripped out. The butler who served us dinner had his head nearly decapitated. He, too, had a gaping hole in his chest. As I looked around, I realized that everyone had a nasty gash through their chest, and their hearts were missing, too. All of them. I glanced back at Ajax, and I began to feel sick.

“Where is his heart?” I shouted. She turned around, and giggled. She looked… different. Almost human, but not quite. Like something disguising itself as human. Her mouth was wider than usual, and blood dripped down her chin like she was a wild animal that finished scarfing down a newly deceased meal.

“Princess, please! Tell me what you did! Help me understand!” There had to be some sort of explanation. Please, I need this to be a simple misunderstanding. 

But she didn’t tell me anything I wanted to hear. 

“Oh, Aspen. You have seen what I have done to the castle staff. You have seen what I have done to Prince Ajax. Are you truly loyal to me? Will you prove your dedication? Or shall you betray me?” She chuckled wryly, like this was all some sick joke. She was manic. Excited, even! 

Any trace of her human features had gone away. The monster from my nightmares had come to life, but this time it was real. And this monster was Adelaide. I suppose her eyes were always piercing and cold, and her lipstick was always the shade of blood. But only now, the features I once found beautiful were now horrific. 

“My knight, I order you to give me your heart to feast on.”

I glanced at the prince’s body, and back at this monster. Do I put an end to this and ensure nobody dies like this again? Of course I should, I already know. Even though it was who I served, this creature was the demise of so many good people.  

I cannot make excuses to spare a threat I am capable of eliminating!

“I am not your knight! You are not Adelaide!” Unsheathing my sword, my body was making the decision to fight even if my mind still had second thoughts. 

My mind phased out of battle into autopilot. I did not want to remember the bloody details of killing the monster I thought I loved. I knew that I fought, but I don’t remember how. I don’t remember receiving these scars, only that they existed after the fight when they didn’t before. I only remembered the end of the battle. 

The monster was gutted, alive but nearing death. Suddenly, I saw a warm golden glow coming from the creature’s mouth. I felt drawn to the glowing, like I needed a better look at the light. I forced the monster’s jaws open as it roared menacingly. Light and warmth escaped its mouth, some looked to be trapped for quite awhile. The light seemed like it wasn’t a danger, but more the opposite. Something told me these were the spirits of the ones who fell victim to this monster. I kept its jaws open until every last bit of light and warmth had left. By then, the monster had died. 

I fell to my knees and felt tears threatened to spill. I didn’t realize how tired I was until it was done. I didn’t know why I was crying. Perhaps it’s because I was deceived to love someone who wasn’t even real. Or maybe, it’s because I killed the monster when it was too late. It could’ve been that my princess was dead and gone and even though she was never really here, I still killed her in a way. Or it could’ve just been the horror of what I saw setting in. Really, I didn’t need a reason to cry. So I cried without knowing why. I screamed and sobbed even after my throat began to hurt. 

“Why? I miss Adelaide! I miss her! Why did this happen?” I knew the answers were meaningless. Answers wouldn’t take away my pain. Answers wouldn’t bring Adelaide back.

I heard a strange noise that I couldn’t quite identify, almost like skin weaving itself together, and a couple minutes later, pained groans. I didn’t care what it was. It was at full liberty to kill me, and I wanted it to. I stood up, turned around, and saw the bodies twitching, and eventually, fully moving. People were waking up as if they had simply fallen asleep.

“We’re alive! We’re alive! The monster has been killed and we are alive indeed!” A maid cheered with her friends. The despair in my heart didn’t leave. It didn’t even subside. Still, I wiped the tears and I saw the castle staff jumping and celebrating their second chance at life. Prince Ajax was the last to wake, but the first to greet me. He shook my hand graciously, and he looked relieved but still sad. 

“It must have been you who saved us. Thank you.” For a prince, he was very soft spoken. I wasn’t ready to be talked to, and I felt myself beginning to cry again. Still, I tried to keep a steady demeanor. With a shaky voice, I bowed politely and tried to smile.

“I did what I had to.”

It had only been a couple months since I killed the monster, but I have become very close friends with Prince Ajax since then. Even though I was pronounced a hero, I still feel the pit at the bottom of my stomach telling me I made the wrong decision. That I betrayed my princess. In a way, I did. I promised her that I would protect her, and yet, I was the one who killed her. The promise was unfair, I wouldn’t have made it if I knew. But I still made the promise. 

I wish I could afford to love again. I wish I was still willing to take the risk of giving my heart to another. But now when I feel it, I only push away. I want to love again so badly. But I know I will not. I can’t promise, because I can no longer be certain that I won’t break it. 

 I truly know nobody in this world.