“I will not bend. I will not bow. I will not brake. I’ll stand my ground. Be afraid to sing out loud, to sing out loud, to sing out loud.”

I moaned into my pillow as my phone buzzed in my pocket repeating over and over again the beginning to Jetpack by Flobots. Who the hell in their right mind would call me at 12:36 in the morning? I fumbled for my phone with my head still in my pillow. I flipped it open.

“Hello?” I mumbled sleepily.

“Ebony?” a voice answered.

“Duh. Who else would it be?”

“Yeah, defiantly Ebony…It’s Austin. What are you doin’?”


“Trying to sleep…I just got home…” I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “So what are you up to besides ruining my sleep?”

“Not much, that’s why I called you. Why are you going to bed, it’s only a bit past midnight?”

“Because I was at the school weight lifting and then I had to baby sit…besides, it’s a school night and I have a huge test in the morning…Wait a second you’re in the same class. Austin you need to get some sleep!”

“I can’t…not with you on my mind.”

I didn’t say anything…I still had feelings for him, but we weren’t together anymore and I broke up with him…Why did he still care?

“Ebony? Are you still there?”

“Yelp…Ummm, Austin?”

“Yeah?”

“Go to bed!” I flipped my phone closed and turned it off. Tossing my phone to my pillow, I grabbed my robe and went to my bathroom to take a shower. I locked the door even though I was the only one home and stepped out of my clothes.

The intense heat from the water burned my flesh as it poured down on me. I stood there until my skin was pink and then I turned the temperature down until it was ice cold. I let the water numb my skin as I sat on the shower floor. I grabbed my shaver and smashed it with my shampoo bottle until three sharp thin blades appeared to be free from the plastic.

I grabbed one and held it up to my arm. It slid across my flesh. Blood bubbled out of the cut and slid down my skin and was eventually washed away by the water. I slid it across my skin again crossing it over the other cut making an X. I made a few more making sure that each X didn’t touch. I put my bloody arm under the cold water. It stung at first but eventually I got used to the stinging sensation. I washed my hair and body then got out of the shower.

As I dried off, my cuts continued to bleed. I grabbed a box of large band-aids and covered each X. I wrapped myself in my robe and walked back to my room. I looked out my window to see if anyone was home yet and still the driveway was empty. And still the full moon hung in the blackened sky casting an eerie light over the homes and cars of my neighbors. I closed my curtains and shuffled over to my bed. I slipped on a sports bra and underwear. After I put on a pair of navy blue sweat shorts I curled under the covers and closed my eyes hoping for a better day tomorrow. Eventually darkness took over me and I fell fast asleep.